Tidbits of life#5

Christmas is coming. The snow turns to rain as the rain in turn washes out the roads, steering the cars off track. The mountains all blend in with the cloud's, and all the people dress as if its the coming of a new ice age. Its hard to tell people apart when they are clothed  over with everything they apparently own.
    The shopping malls are wall to wall, with everyone trying to prove there love( or adoration) towards the ones they care about.( A strange ritual if you ask me). Outside most doors lay the outcasts, the smokers of the bunch. The ones the world has thrown out,  battered over with the advertisements of somehow doing wrong.
  As i Drive home, the houses are covered in multiples of light. Many incarnations of Santa adorn the front lawns, as a reindeer or two usually looks off in amusement. It's that time of year I guess. When we cast off our hate and prejudices, at least until the holiday's are over.

Dual in the deep...

Dual in the deep,
Between chaos
Or sheep
(yours
Or mine)

passing
Of time.

And love is
a gun,
That will go off,
some point.
       someone..

Tidbits of life#4

The store is full of people, jamming themselves in in every which way that they could find possible. An walking in through the exit door is kind of like a fish swimming up stream, except for me there is no upside to the end of my journey(not even death). I see all the other employees smiling, laughing, talking to each other most affectionately. But for one reason or another whenever I walk by those smiles turn to scorn, a nose up, which is quite preferable at this point. At least I am being noticed, as people have an ability to look right through me( an invisible man). Either that or I maybe just blend in, a clone of the thousands of unknowns out in the world without a thought of there own. Or maybe I am not even here at all, a faint whisper of what once was, or eventually will be.

Tidbits of life # 3

The neighbors upstairs are once more at it. I can hear the sound of every mumbled verse as it carries down through the walls. The yelling, screaming and stomping around rattles the ceiling in various undesirable ways. As I can almost just picture them flailing there arms about in a most cartoonish way. The husband, is outside doing laps, in no particular order. As he does fairly regularly(as I see now why)

Tidbits of life #2

"So?". She says." Are you close?". As she sits there, just next to me." No, not really". I say, taking another drink of my beer, that is starting to make my fingers numb( along with everything else.) "Why not?, haven't you guys been going for awhile now?". I stare off in silence, barely looking over at her. This goes on for maybe a minute or two before suddenly." That's not good, don't you think you deserve better?". Another bout of silence, as now she is basically speaking to herself." Well..". She says." I think you do". I look over, slightly, seeing her stare over my way like she's trying to hypnotize me." Yeah, maybe. Maybe". We talk awhile longer of certain tidbits of life and life in general, eventually after a few drinks I make my way outside. Seeing that I might eventually do something I might somewhat regret. At least, that is what I tell myself.

Tidbits of life #1

She speaks with a sarcastic grin, saying." Now don't fall apart on me". As she partially looks over towards me holding my chest." Its okay". Slight pause as she watches with those nervous, unbelieving eyes." Its fine, just a slight pain". She again smiles, grins.. than continues to watch the road ahead, eerily absent of life. Except a few cars that dash by in a apparent hurry to get killed off. Life has a tendency to do that, violently shake you in every direction it might see fit. But with that in mind, we still find ourselves leaving the comforts of home behind us, not thinking to much of the possible consequences. That (most possibly) would drive you mad, as any man might say." So..". I say, with apparent conviction." What is on the menu afterwards". She looks over, mid smile, not saying a word. As her eyes do say it all, without the need for the blessings of words. Or wondering for that matter.

I don't deserve.......

Peace
she screamed

to those
of these

heart,
or heave

an love,
they say

is summer
without
day

through
madness,...

too grave.|

How to make things even worse for yourself/the slow falsification of reality...(or how to put yourself in a russ meyer film)

*#Day 1


Peering outside through the living room window, the people pass by fast paced and hurried. The months, an years, and days go by as if I am watching some time-lapse video.  An my girlfriend is at home, as per usual. She doesn't come over very often, a understatement if I have ever heard one. As its been sometime now, a year or more. I keep on telling myself to get out, to get away as fast as possible. But for some reasons unknown, I stay, shackled and put out into the cold and oncoming winds. People call me crazy, maybe. But I can never get myself into that first and final step.
  I go to sit on the couch when I hear a knock at the door, an I look back a little confused. As I have no idea who it could possibly be. Opening it I find to my surprise, its the next door neighbor. She just lives a few houses down, I talked to her once or twice, not about much though. "Hey Mister, do you mind if I come in?". She is wearing these short Jean shorts, with dark legging type things(not really sure what they're called). And this green bench sweater with sleeves too long for her arms. Her hair is a dark black with Bangs covering her forehead like drawn curtains." Yeah of course, make yourself at home". She goes an sits on the couch, the television at an almost inaudible buzz. I can see there mouths moving, but cant understand what they're saying. But I pay no mind and sit beside her, nervous and not sure what to say. I look over, attempting to say something. And she is already watching me, an motions for me to not speak a word. Her hand gently clasps my leg caressing it slowly. Its at this moment I find myself frozen, for a mere second. Until she leans over with one hand on my hips as her lips touch mine, and I find myself once again melting. I put my hand on her hips and slowly work my way up her shirt as we make our way to laying down on the couch, its at this point that the sound on the TV jumps to life and I find myself sitting there, with no one to be found. That is, odd, that never happened to me before, I had fantasies, but never ones that felt so real.
   I decide to go out, take a walk, to get my mind off of things. There's this little mall just up a few blocks from my house. I live in the suburbs, so malls around here are fairly prominent. Inside is a burrito place called the spicy chicken are something that I go to quite regularly. The best thing is is that they have a patio out front to watch all the people pass by in differentiating states of panic, or boredom(not unlike myself I guess).
   I pass all the houses that use to stand tall, all stacked up in rows, looking as if they're slouching over from years of neglect. Almost every house has piles of shit on there lawns that are partially covered in the overlaying grass. The paint on many is chipped and rusted out beat up cars line the Street, as that's all anyone can afford. I can't even afford one myself, good or bad. Inside the mall people hang out together yet are secluded. The Tim Horton's facing the main strip is normally a popular spot. Don't get me wrong, this is not a bad place, and I am probably making it out as worse than it actually is.
   I normally get the pulled pork burrito, in which I do get today. I go sit outside and watch life as it happens, or how it appears to be. The sun is out, casting shadows on the street of the buildings that are juxtaposed against the backdrop of the faraway mountains. The clouds that do appear though are mere thinned out versions of there former glory. An the stores around here are actually fairly high end, to a degree anyway. I take a walk up the street towards Hastings, there is a newer store up there called the worn sweater, a weird name I know, but I think there just trying to be hip.
    The place inside is fairly empty, and the sweaters are all lined up on tables that sneak up on you as soon as you walk in. The walls are covered in a colorful array of shirts, jackets and everything else you might Drape upon your body. The girls who work here are pretty good looking, one especially. I have been eyeing her for sometime, I would never do anything(seeing that I am somewhat taken, I suppose) but its nice to know I have a chance. I end up looking around shuffling through the piles of clothes that surround the store like the walls of the castle. An as always one of the store clerks comes up to see what I am up to." Excuse me sir, do you need any help?". Her name tag says Cindy(but its not the one I told you about before) and has short cropped blond hair that kind of makes her look like a boy. She has on this bright red lipstick with a slight mask of blue eyeliner, and striped black pants like the ones all the business type woman wear. On top she has a button up shirt with rolled up sleeves and a blue vest.
   "No, no, no thanks. I am good". She smiles and walks off in no real necessary direction. Wandering around now for a few minutes I find this blue sweater with a red and orange stripe across the chest. I go to try it on in the dressing room in the back. Its one of those ones that seem as if there's a whole other store in the back, that's connected by a short dark hall. The girl I told you about earlier stands in front, as if on guard. An I get a little nervous as I approach. "Would you like to try that on sir?"
"Uh, yes.... please". She turns the other way, motioning me to follow, eventually opening one of the doors. "Just right here, thanks". Inside this little room stands a mirror, that's shifts, shapes, and contorts your body in a almost believable way. I hang up the sweater and begin to take my jacket and shirt off. There is a small bench on the side that I place them on, and its than that I hear voices just outside my door. I stop to listen for a second, its her again, helping someone out. After, she starts to walk back but for some reason stops in front of my door, pauses, than I can hear it slowly open. She walks in, locking the door behind. I try to speak but she covers my mouth with her hand. With my back up against the wall she presses her body against me. Her lips gently caress mine as I succumb to her warm soft skin of the lower back. She sits me on the bench as she backs up a little and starts to unbutton her shirt, grabbing my hands she puts them on her hips and subsequently gets on her knees, and begins to unbutton my pants. Now completely naked(as is she) she gets on top of me as I still sit on the bench, her legs wrap around my body as if she might fall from some unknown height.  An slowly she begins to move her hips with my eyes closed as too not get too excited.
   Afterwards I grab the sweater and continue to the front desk to pay. I see her standing at the till and once more pause as to not so sure of what to say.  "Will this be all sir?".
"Yes, I don't think I can take much more". As I say that she looks up with a odd confused look but quickly shakes it off pretending I never said anything.
  Outside I begin to wonder what just happened, and if it happened at all. I had fantasies, dreams. But that was far too real to be one.  I stand out front of the store, contemplating on going back inside to find out. But what if I was wrong, what if I am right. Either way, what the hell would I say. I decide not to worry about it right now, so instead i take a walk around. There really isn't much to see around here actually. Buildings leaning upon buildings that stretch out over the land that eventually morph into the sometimes run down houses sitting behind. A few blocks up I get stopped by a man, who looks like he just came down off the mountains." Excuse me sir, but would you mind lending me a smoke. It would be much appreciated". For a man that looks like he does, as bad as that sounds, he has surprisingly good manners. "Yeah sure, no problem". All the while I am doing this, I notice everyone that happens to pass our sights to be given us strange looks. Mostly on me though.
  He eventually walks off disappearing between a small crowd of people. An no matter how I look he is no where to be found. There is a school just across the way, and it's getting to be that time of day that the roads and streets get crowded with the sounds of kids, overjoyed with the thought of freedom. The older you get though, the less freedom you seem to have. Its just to bad that some kids tend to waste theirs.
   As it just starts to rain, I decide to make my way back home. Usually I like to do a couple laps around the field behind the school. But with this new development I decide to be on my way.  On the way home the people seem to not be bothered by the rain. I don't see why they would be, everything eventually dries off. The rest of the day is fairly non-eventful, the television stays on most of the day, and thoughts quickly fall as soon as they arrive of the experience I had with the woman in that sweater store. I try not to think about it too much, as it was quite enjoyable, even if it might not have happened.

# *Day 2

My alarm goes off, temporarily ringing throughout my ears even after its been shut down, and shut up. I can already smell the aroma of coffee that makes its way through the house, as I programmed it the night before. I pour myself a cup and turn on the TV, as I watch star trek each an every morning. Much of the morning goes by in basically the same fashion. Television, coffee, refill repeat. Outside the rain is still coming down. Making the noise of tiny feet running up and down all the roof. Only every once in awhile knocking on the windows. I spend most the day inside, as the events of yesterday were a little too strange to bear once more. Of course that first one was a bit off, but pleasant on both accounts nonetheless.
   At about 2 o clock I start to hear the sounds of people outside. As if a group of them is just outside my door. I take a quick look out my front window just to see a crowd gathering around a neighbors house about a block up or so. Out the front door I can get a closer look, and what I see is the house slowly going up in flames. It hasn't appeared to hit all floors yet though, so maybe it just started. I run over with the rest of them like a bunch of curious sheep flocking to the barn once it starts to rain.
   "Is everything okay, did everyone get out". The man standing next me I don't recognize, I almost feel like asking him his name, but as before, with recent events I decide not to. "No, not that I am told. Apparently the kids are still inside, where the parents are, who knows". I watch as the flames grow higher, the crackling sounds surrounding the air as the heat is almost getting unbearable. Its at this point a strange feeling comes over me. Everybody stands around as the lives of who knows who hangs in the balance of the fire department that seemingly decided to take there sweet time. Somethings got to be done, and it doesn't look like anybody is willing to step up to the plate. Taking a look around I take a deep sigh, knowing what is going to happen next, what needs to be done. But that doesn't mean I particularly want to do it.                          
     Running inside I can hear the sounds of surprise that emanate behind me. Kicking open the partially open door I can see the walls on fire inside as the flames climb up eating away at whatever gets in the way. Up ahead through a short hallway is the stairs, to the left of that is the living room. Beyond that, well I guess it doesn't matter. "Hello!, is anyone up there. Call out if you can hear me..... I am here to help". I start to walk up the stairs, as they begin to break down and fall apart on me.  The handrails begin to burn with the smell of the paint and black smoke messing with my head. On the second floor the smoke is even worse. As it all culminates an gathers, trying to suffocate the lungs. I can begin to hear the whimpers coming from up ahead now. That appear to be from one of the back rooms. I remember one of the videos we watched at school. Saying that in a fire you need to get low to get away from the smoke. And as I crawl along the floor, I start to get the feeling that it might give way. With small holes forming everywhere and blackened wood starting to take over. I can almost near the sounds of oncoming death. As I continuously want to give up and go back. I reach up to open the door I think the sounds are coming from. But its hard to hear in all this mess." Is anyone here, can you hear me?". Waiting for a second I don't hear anything... until." We are in here, in the closet".
   There are two kids sitting there, faces all black from smoke. I grab the boy, as he is about four years old or so. The girl next to him has to be about ten, maybe nine. But no matter. Holding onto the boy I take her hand ducking her head below the smoke and head out back a few doors down to the patio. Most everything is engulfed now. My shoes begin to melt and I can just begin to feel what appears to be the back of my jacket on fire. We get outside to the patio(not quite sure how, but we made it anyway). Even the stairs down to the yard are mostly up in flames. But somehow we make it. The kids are crying as they clutch the grass. I take off my burning jacket, and shoes that are half melted. Checking the kids to see if there okay, I find no injuries, thankfully. At that moment the firemen show up grabbing the kids taking them out front to there family that just showed up, and to the safety of the medical staff. As I walk out front, nobody takes any notice. They're all too busy gathering around the two surviving kids and the parents that thank God they are safe. One fire man comes up and wraps a blanket around me, pats me on the shoulder in silence and goes back to what needs to be done. Looking back over to the house, the flames are beginning to subside. So I figure my work here is done, bid adieu, and make my way back home.

# *Day 3

I've got a headache, one of those ones that feel as if your brain is eventually going to blow out the front of your skull. It's hard to even think straight when this happens. I soon force myself awake,  and do as per usual. The same thing every morning, of everyday. At least up to this point in my life anyhow. I find everything just a little off today though, as if something in the fabric has shifted, although just slightly. I don't quite know if its the headache or what, I just have this uneasy feeling. Taking some Advil and coffee, I begin to feel better after some time. Unfortunately though, the uneasiness does not go away. Most of the day is spent at home, watching the television or cleaning house. Nothing all that exciting really. At about 4 o clock, the thoughts of the burnt out house from last night begin to enter the mind. Curiously, I wouldn't mind finding out what happened to it. I left fairly quickly as everyone was fixated on the kids. I start to somewhat pace, not wanting to go out but also wanting to at the same time. Like the two headed fish fighting to swim both ways at once. I decide that since its just down the block, why the hell not. It should only take a few minutes anyhow.
   I find the house all boarded up by police tape, with a small band of construction crews cleaning up the burnt remains of the once standing house. Its a strange sight to see, a pile of black smoldering rubble against a backdrop of fairly decent houses. As if a single bomb dropped on that very house. The sidewalk and parts of the adjacent road are still covered in ash, and all the commotion has all but died off.  With only a small group of people standing out front watching the action take place. "Was this your guys' place? They couldn't save it huh?".  He looks over and smiles, and who I presume is his wife doesn't glance at all. Instead still intent on what's happening with the workers. "No, no its not. But it was going to be. We were just in the process of buying it. I guess its good that we didn't".  We all stand there staring at the now vacant lot in silence. As I am not quite sure what else to say. "Well, at least the family got out okay". He nods his Head smiling, not quite looking over." Yeah definitely, thank God for that. Those fire fighters are pretty amazing aren't they. Risking life an limb for others. For no more than a thank you, crazy".
  This somewhat catches me off guard, taking a second to compose my thoughts and ask him the all important question." Wait a second, a fire fighter saved the kids, are you sure about that?". "Of course, of course". He says seemingly confused by me asking." Everyone was here, they all saw it with there own eyes. The kids were holding him pretty tight afterwards, still a little scared I guess".
     I decide to leave it at that, say my goodbyes, and be on my way. Now I know that the fire fighter saving the kids could just be a misconstrued idea of the goings on of last night. Seeing that he did carry him from the backyard. But I just can't shake the feeling, that uneasiness, that something is just not right. I go home pretty dazed, with my hands starting to shake the more I think about it. The implications of this is... well, well just crazy. As you know I imagined strange things before. But this is the first time a whole huge event took place without me even actually being there, as I thought I was. Did it happen, did it not, its hard to tell. Maybe I am going mad, or maybe I don't even exist at all. Its as if its all escalating, boiling over like a pot of water. Somehow, I end up falling asleep in front of the t.v, with the sounds of white noise lulling me too sleep.

# *Day 4

I am finding it hard to get out of bed this morning. The best thing to do I think is just stay here, secure underneath the warm comfort of the soft sheets. I do think about getting up and going out and whatever, but things just don't make any sense out there anymore. Its safer in here, nothing odd can happen in here if I don't happen to do anything. At least that's the idea. I do happen to get up for random bouts of coffee and bathroom breaks. I close off all the window shades and lock the doors, better safe than sorry I figure. You never know what type or kind of entity might be knocking upon those doors. I can hear the rain begin to fall, or what I perceive as so.
   At about 11 o clock or so I get a text from my girlfriend. She is at work and we haven't talked for days, if you can even think of that as talking. She asks me how my day is and what I am up to.  I gotten to the point where I don't really talk(IE.text) her that much, I just don't see what the point is anymore. She in turn doesn't like this, which she lets me know on a regular basis. But what she doesn't understand is the reasons why. I know we should talk about it, but oh well, whatever. Telling her everything is fine, which I know is a lie, she takes this and tells me one more day till she gets to see me. Where her enthusiasm comes from I don't know. Delusions maybe, so maybe we do have something in common. The rest of the day is spent in an out of bed. Every now and again getting brave enough to peak out the shades of the living room window, but just barely though.
   In the evening, at about 9 o'clock, I get up just to lay back down on the couch, to watch the night away in front of the television. Rerun after rerun of I already seen, makes its way onto the television until Letterman and the daily show come on. An before I know it the sandman has taken me away to the sweet sounds of the imagination. It seems lately everyday almost ends in the same way. During the day though,well that's a whole other story apparently.

# * Day 5

    The next day I awake to the sounds of snoring, which is weird since its not my own. At first I figure its just my imagination, that dream state between awake an sleep, where everything that happens is a might fuzzy. But after going back to sleep(for a undetermined amount of time) I find that it is not, as after awhile I hear the soft spoken words that appear from behind. "Honey, honey get up, we are gonna be late". I get up a little weary an soft eyed. Turn over, confused as to who it might be, and why she is in my bed. As I do find who it is, the shock hits me and leaves me speechless, but just for a minute(or two)." What... what are you doing here, didn't I! Didn't we".
   Its my old girlfriend, I broke up with her over a year ago. Why is she here, I have no idea.  "Its okay, its okay, your just a bit confused, you where sleeping pretty soundly, and you did just get up. Can you go make some coffee, I will be up in a second". She has always talked in a tone that made her sound more excited than she actually is, its hard to describe really, but that's the best I can get. Getting up I take a quick look around the house, going through cabinets, and cupboards and closets to make sure anything else is not my own. You would think I would be freaking out about now, but in the last few days I learned to go with it. I am more confused, discombobulated, more than anything else.
   After the coffee is made I begin to look through the pictures on the laptop. And doing so, admittedly, does begin to freak me out. Every picture I took with my (how to put it) actual girlfriend, now has my ex on it. Everything. Our trip to the zoo, her cabin, even my moms house up in Kamloops. Sitting there staring at the screen for what's got to be about five minutes, she eventually gets up and sits down beside me, with two coffees in hand." So, what do you want to do this morning?". Looking at her, I have so many questions I want to ask. But what if the other life was the dream, what if this is the actual reality. A kind of quantum leap of sorts between the two. Maybe that was what those little episodes were before, you know the whole imagining of events. (Even though it doesn't quite add up). Well, whichever one ends up being true, I figure, it might be best just to play along. 'Cause who knows, this life might very well be better.

.... and the sounds are dull

I don't feel right,
the cars are screaming//
and the sound is dull.

your nights are cold.
and creep up,
like death..

The flag have fallen beneath a blanket of fog.

    The flag has fallen beneath a blanket of fog. And the rain peters down from the overlaying clouds." So, how about it? What do you think?". She says this with a smirk, that underlies the fact she knows what I think i want." I can't, you know this. I have to deal with outside sources, if that's what you want to call it". Frowning, she looks off into the distance to the passing cars. "Well as I said before, she doesn't have to know".  Water runs down the windshields in a chaotic dance, as the wipers are sounding as if someone is dragging there fingernails across a chalkboard. "That doesn't matter, 'cause I will". 
   I am driving her home, home from work. Its just after 11 o'clock and the streetlights make the roads sparkle like some art house road movie. The time now passes in silence, until I pull up in front of her house, an she says." Are you gonna be okay?". I awkwardly smile, trying to figure ways to get out of this conversation i know is coming." Yeah, I will be fine". " Okay than, if you do say so".
    I now notice her arm reaching over clutching my leg, attempting to gently caress. To what means, I do not know. As I know it wont do any good to change my mind." I think I will be fine, thanks".  She still sits there though, with a half smirk, and hand upon my leg. As intermediate thoughts pass through my head. Her hand is getting ever higher upon my thigh, and for a split moment I am powerless to do anything as the blood rushes to other more unmentionable places. "I know you want it, don't you? Just one night, of fun. Than we never have to speak of it again. You know, if that's what you want?". My mind runs through the possibility of multiple paths, like some quantum computer. Doing different things at the same time. Although each and every one ends up ending basically the same. Not good, one way or the other.
    Grabbing her hand I hold it there for a second( as its hard to move, even if its the right thing to do) and eventually do move it after a couple. "I am not that guy, even if I, or you, or anyone really, wants me to be. And I do want to be that guy....Sorry, but this can't happen, not now anyway". She takes her hand away, and stares off towards her house, looking a Tad bit disappointed. "Well, I am sorry to hear that, but anyways, I will be here if u need me. Just don't make me wait too long."
    I watch as she walks out an slowly up the driveway,  eventually disappearing through her front door. I can't help but have a little regret to what just happened. A big part of me wanted to go through that door with her. But in the end, as I have said, would have just complicated things. Further than I wanted them to be(As its already pretty out there already). And as I drive home to an empty house, my mind is still back there, waiting outside, wanting to go in.

Story part 3 ( breaking down/stop making so much sense/thee end)

   Back at home, every creak, crack and noise that emanates is suddenly an apparition of sorts. But after all the discussions I can't help but figure there got to be another solution to all this. And the television seems lonely now, as day in and out I sit here on the couch with no one else but me. But that's a whole other story, for another day. As I think I have said enough already.
   Sitting here on the couch, the fear of the unknown has begun to bubble upwards. As I have this funny feeling that I am being watched. I turn my head back towards the stairs. An i can hear this somewhat Humm, that appears to resonate from up on the second floor. I turn, look up and... there, there she is. The woman I saw before. She has on this long white dress, the kind you see  in all the Hollywood scary movies. And its as if she is floating, drifting backwards, motioning me to follow. She moves upstairs, as I follow in silence, and confusion. After a short walk she turns toward my bedroom, and disappears.
   Standing there looking in circles, i pause, not quite sure what to do. Its at that point I hear a scream, coming from my room. I run inside and its all different. Decorated as if its Marty Mcflys moms room in the 1950's. The walls are what appears to be a faded pink, and everything has this polished almost fake look to it. There's a woman laid out on the bed, as the blood drips down and stains the bright blue covers that are carefully spread over the bed. And more than likely, she is already dead. I creep up slowly towards her, as if not to make a sound. And as I lean over to see who it is, her arm grabs mine and I jump back in a frenzied panic shaking uncontrollably to shake lose. Eventually breaking free i fall to floor and subsequently jump up, realizing... that I fell asleep, and hopefully, it was just a dream. I am still downstairs on the couch, the TVs a mess of white noise, and its past midnight now. Going into the kitchen to get a glass of water, I find my hands shaking. The dream was so vivid, I actually felt her hands upon me. 
    I put the glass back on the counter, rubbing my hand where she grabbed me. What I see though, I must say, frightens me to the very core. Blood! Not a lot of it, but it shouldn't be there to begin with. I check my arms and body for cuts and such, but there's nothing to be found. I find myself now at the kitchen table, not quite sure how I ended up there. For I am dazed, and out of sorts. I don't know what to believe anymore. I sit there for what's got to be about fifteen minutes, before I snap out of it. Going to the sink to wash my hands, to wash the blood off. But its not there anymore, and shows no signs of it ever being to begin with.  This is now getting ever weirder, passing through and into the haze of the not normal. So I stand there, like a bear in a cage you see at the zoo, that doesn't seem to be acting accordingly to what your used to. After a insufficient amount of time does pass, I try to shake it off as mere over tiredness. Its almost 1:30 now, so I go upstairs and get into bed. I end up doing the same thing kids do when they just watched a scary movie. Somehow believing to be safe by being within the comforts of the bed, trying not to open my eyes when its dark out.
   The morning comes in a slow spurt, like trying to get your sputtering car to the mechanics before it completely breaks down. Kind of how I felt last night, seeing I don't think I slept to much. This whole thing has gotten into my head. Making me believe things I normally wouldn't. I guess everyone can be fearful of the things they do not understand.
   I am up to about four cups of coffee now. Waking up, sitting with cup of coffee in hand, nothing better as far as I am concerned. It must just be the fear that pushes me, and nothing else. After a quick run to the fridge, finding nothing to eat, I figure its about time to do a bit of shopping. Maybe the fresh air will do me some good. Out on the empty streets the rain falls, coming down to earth in a slow slumbering procession. I have this old vintage rain jacket that I put on. One of those multi colored ones straight out of Woodstock, or that 70's show. There's a little place just up the hill, independently owned most likely, as its one of the few we have. Barney's I do believe its called.
  Inside the floors have a yellowish sickly hue, and all the tills look fairly run down, old and in need of repair. The people are friendly though, greeting me as I walk in. The isles are all small and crowded with no signs directing me to generalized ideas of what they might contain. I pick up a few things, produce, bread, sandwich meat and whatnot. Down one of the isles at the very end I can see the cooler in which they keep the dairy. A lady stands there partially blocking the view. She is dressed in this long off white wool jacket, with black pants and straight dark black hair.  I feel myself being somewhat drawn to her, almost as if I seen her before. I start heading down the isle, towards this woman, as I need milk and eggs anyhow. When halfway there she suddenly turns to me and smiles. Its her, the woman I seen in my dreams, how could this be possible. It can't, i don't.. i don't think. And as soon as I see her, she walks off, down to the right. I run down to catch her to find out who she is. But she is already gone, and nowhere to be seen. I walk the store trying to find her, although knowing that its pointless. I soon give up and head on my way.
   The rain still falls when I get outside. With many small streams making there way downward, like a flock of birds heading home for the winter. I can see all the people
With there umbrellas pass by as if there all floating independently from the ones that hold them. What a strange sight if I have ever seen one. Off in the distance though to the left, on the intersection, I see the woman once more. She stands there, up against the building, watching me.  Quickly turning the corner she has once again disappeared. Its almost as if she is taunting me, wanting me to follow. It suddenly appears to me that she is heading in the direction of my house. She would show herself for a second, than suddenly disappear. Which in turn wets my curiosity to follow. I figure, what the hell, I am wanting to go home anyways.  We are just a block or two from my house now, and I haven't seen her for a few minutes. Where was she leading me?, if she was actually doing so at all.
    I can see the house in the distance now. It appears as though the lights may be on in the living room. I don't remember leaving them on. The closer I get though, the more noticeable it gets. There is a flicker now emanating from the living room, but I don't think its my lights. My neighbor, the odd one, stands on his front lawn waving at me. As I pass him, still not sure what the strange light is, he says. "Hey neighbor, I knocked on your door earlier, to see if you wanted to come to our barbecue tonight. Everyone will be there. But as your lights aren't on, I figured you wouldn't be home". That's strange, does he not see the light, how could he possibly miss it. I decide not to say anything though, on the off chance of sounding crazy. Seeing all that has happened. "Oh, a barbecue huh, sure sounds fun. What time, want me to bring anything?". My mind is partially on this little puzzle. I am not sure how to approach this, But as I said before, its probably best not to. "Bring anything, don't be silly. The only thing you need to bring is yourself". As I am about to leave, I quickly say." Thanks for the invite, I guess I will see you there". I nod and say goodbye, and as I am about ten or so feet out I hear him calling." Wait! I didn't tell you what time, around six-six thirty". I turn around and wave, and walk home, to go see what's really on my mind.
   The flickering light still spills out of my living room window. Inside I run over to see what it is, but nothing. No light, no flame or flicker of any kind. Strange, I must say. I have had about enough of this. As far as I can tell this is never ending, and something needs to be done. Suddenly at that I can feel a immediate heat source upon my back. I turn around and the kitchen is on fire, at least somewhat at least. I run over to the closet by the front door and grab the fire extinguisher. I stand there paused and silent in shock. The fire has started crawling up the walls, blanketing every it comes in contact with, and consuming it. I start spraying a path on the kitchen floor, the walls and so forth. After a unknown amount of time passes, I have it (allegedly anyways) under control. Sitting there, watching the remnants of the fire extinguisher clings to the walls. I spot something strange on the kitchen counter, next to the fridge. No burn marks of any kind. I begin to wipe the walls from varying spots to see if anything else is the same. But nothing is apparent. Not really something you could miss. I go sit in the living room on the couch, to figure out what to do. I still have a couple hours till the barbecue, so I am not in any real hurry. Although I am finding it increasingly difficult To stay here. I am now beginning to think that the redheaded lady might be right, I wouldn't say that its quite haunted, but almost as if something is affecting me. Making me see things that may or may not be there. In all my experiences though, the evidence does speak for itself.
   I decide to do some research over the Internet( and forget the cleaning till later). Some one's gotta know something that could help me. Its hard to believe anything on these things though, as anyone can make some makeshift site and say whatever the fuck they want. So you really have to be careful. I do find this one site that shows promise. Apparently there this fairly large group with some paranormal scientists. Kinda like ghost hunters I guess. It says sometimes the specters or ghosts(whichever you like to call them) are benevolent,  and its more of a showcase of the pain and suffering that went on, almost as if they need to tell people what actually happened before they pass over. This, of course, is all conjecture. But they take these findings from the many cases they studied throughout the years. There's a whole plethora of info on here actually, most of which does not pertain to my situation.
    I look at the clock and its almost time to go. After everything that I read, and all the stuff I have seen. I think I finally understand(although i might just be delusional).  I now believe i know what needs to be done. To help the ones that have been regretfully lost. An so as I walk next door, to meet the people of this quiet little town. I can feel the heat gently push against my backside, cutting through the night like the glowing eyes of some hidden creature.


                                                      END

Meaningless(alternate.. take 2)

Closed doors
And open drawers

Kitchen sinks
And the
Over-bored

An empty house

With the
Not,
an no more

But once again
Withthewhat
Andwhat'sin,
A how
About

W\ a mindless grin

From a sometimes after
To a sometimes when

Closeddoors/ Somehow making wrong decisions

Open doors

While others are
Closed
(Bored)

But what we
Have, is two half's

A one what
And a one as,
A thought that could,
Or could just
Maybe

Be what,
Was once,

........Destroyd.

The hospital wallls are awash with sorrow/its been along time.

The white walls are washed with the lonely, sad faces that must leave with broken pieces. Inside each room all the beds are lined up against each other, with the curtains drawn. And the outside world is empty, and sullen. I remember sitting outside the room in this little waiting area, after school, to scared to go in. Fear apparently has the faces of many men, that pushes and pulls in each and every possible way. Later only realizing that it was the fear that drove you, and usually always in the wrong direction.
   The nurses were always just outside looking busy, staring at computer screens or sifting through the mountainess terrain of papers in front of them. I was never really quite sure where to avert the eyes. As I was young, confused, with glimmers of hope, or disbelief. The kids at school would always tease, make fun, and just not understand. As I guess because my emotions were intact an out in the open, although a little sloppy. As i was never quite sure what to say, or how to present myself.

   People sometimes surrounded me, although barely there. As I tried to hide, and push them away. Its a lonely place without understanding, with myself as well as others. I remember the last day, to scared to go in an too young to know any better. Regret,  as it seems,  is a mistress you apparently can't get rid of. Even if today, I still don't know quite how to understand. And I can't help but think what differences might be, if things would have went different.

I like to rehabilitate spiders

Must
We fall

   As trees

With near over
And weak,
Like these

But man
Or dream

Beneath spring
Within sea

To each him
Without he,
How not
But yet

   To breath

How am i slowly losing my mind(Story part 2)

Chapter3**w
After that the conversation turns dead, some small talk ensues but we eventually go our separate ways. " So do ya think i will see you around, maybe get a coffee or something?". Her eyes look tired, or bored, she gives me this almost sarcastic smile and says. " Maybe, i guess you never know.....".
     After awhile of walking,  i find this little lake covered by trees with this family run travel lodge out front. Some kids are playing, swimming, finding ways to beat the heat.  Underneath the trees to the left lays a picnic table,  i take a seat, just to watch the noise ensue. As i sit there, tidbits from our conversation come rushing in. I wonder why she thought the Whitman place wouldn't sell, there has to be a explanation. Even more so since she seemed so reluctant as to say why.  As i think this over,  having it go through my head numerous times, i start to wonder what my wife(or now ex wife) and kids are up to. She got custody, kicked me out, and told me never come back. Its hard to think my kids will grow up without me. But what can i say, i was never the ideal father, to put it nicely. I tried, i really did, but things have always seemed to go wrong, top that off with a job that had me travel a lot. When i finally opened my eyes long enough to realize i was losing them, it was too late. It was already over.
    Back at the house i walk past the phone on multiple occasions trying to force myself not to phone. But in time it passes. I go back to the talk i had with the redheaded woman, and how she appeared to stumble upon her words when i asked about this place, and whitman himself. But apparently there is a small library in town, maybe they will have some old newspapers i could look through. I find its starting to get late and its hard to remember if I have eaten all day. So at that I make my way to the kitchen to make a couple sandwiches, while afterwards sitting down to the couch, and a couple hours later, i find myself dozed off to the sound of white noise on the tv.
     Now, all the sudden i find myself in bed, eyes still trying to adjust as i feel something watching, waiting in silence. I get up and find this woman standing at my bedroom door, hand up against the corner in what appears to be a seductive pose.  I call out to her, thinking she might be my wife,  but as i get closer, she slowly disappears into the night. I quickly run into the hall, after her. But as i find out, she is no longer there.
   I awake with a quick jerk, and a pool of sweat running down my forehead. Finding myself still on the couch i start to wonder if it was a dream or not. And I can still somewhat remember her face, but she was not who i thought it was. Actually, i dont recognize her at all. After my usual morning routine, and a few cups of coffee, i make my way outside. The library is not too far off(of course nothing really is in this town).  On my way i bump into the usual faces, as they wave, nod, or give some form of recognition. The people sure are friendly 'round here, its nice actually.
      Inside the library, i find this old computer in the back in which i can look up old newspapers from around town. The whole room is small with shelves full of books jammed in every which way. Getting to the little computer area is much like cutting through a dense forest, wacking at the weeds trying to make a path only to find you're going in circles. But tough determination eventually Leeds you to the beautiful clear valley in which you were always headed.
     Since i dont know Whitmans first name, i have to search through the papers as such. At first i figured there couldn't possibly be to many people with that name, but page after page of search results would seem to disagree with me.  Twenty or so minutes in i am getting ready to give up,  when i come along this picture of this man and woman in front of this house that appears to be mine. The little write up below the picture says its mister and misses whitman. I look at it for a minute or so, as it seems somewhat familiar. And than it hits me, the woman in my room, it was whitmans wife. At this point, i almost fall backwards out of my chair. How could this be, it was only a dream wasnt it. My mind is racing in every direction, trying to come up with a reasonable solution.
    Theres a little write up on the bottom, saying that about how Jonathan whitman (as i finally now know his first name)  tried burning down his house. Apparently the cops got to him via a neighbors call. The cops came in and found his wife dead, laying on his bed in some kind of strange ritual, or how it appeared that way anyhow.  At the bottom of the page there is a few links to some pages associated with this story. The other one is about the trial, and how he was found innocent. But unfortunately the public opinion on him never changed. As i move on to the next article, it says that he hung himself in his bedroom closet, they think the public outcry drove him to it.
     For now i figure thats enough, the day is still young, and i can begin to feel the stomach slowly rumble to life like a bear just coming out of hibernation. I remember passing this little sandwich shop on my journey here, called la grotta i do believe. Inside, the walls are lined with every olive oil imaginable. Cheese and sliced deli meat run through the small cooler in front, abruptly dropping off to the counter were a man stands in wait.  After i order i sit on this park bench outside facing the intersection. Cars pass by on the fly  hardly noticing the stop sign that is clearly visible. Busy for around here.  Ten minutes or so of sitting there, i notice the redheaded woman across the street juxtaposed against the backdrop of the stores, that act as mountains, jutting upword at varying heights. I call out to her, and she looks around for a second figuring out where the sound came from.  Eventually she comes over and sits down beside me. " Hey, nice seeing you again, small world huh?". She says, giving off a slight distinct smile, showing off a small glimmer of teeth.
" Yeah, tell me about it". People pass every few minutes, many nodding in recognition, or just saying hi, even the few we don't know. " I went to the library, to look up Mr Whitman, to see what i may find". She looks over as if she is trying to hide something, giving off that look of a forced expression. " Oh yeah".  She says, staring off into nowhere.  " Did you find anything? ".  I am getting some idea that she knows more than she is telling me, just don't know why. " The whole story seems to be from some movie, its hard to know what to believe. But from what i have seen and read, his wife died, and he eventually tried to burn down his house in some strange ritual".  Giving me a quick glance, she stares down at her feet and says nothing. I want to say something, ask whats wrong, but i regress. An than out of nowhere, like some swift clip to the chin from some unknown fist, i fall as she asks. "Do you want to go get a coffee, bite to eat maybe?".

# Chapter4**
We end up in this little restaurant up the street. The atmosphere is dark with mood lighting laid throughout. We order a coffee and a couple bites to eat. Me some rice with this mushroom chicken(even though I already ate), her some fries and chicken strips. "So...". She says , somewhat leaning in elbows on the table." I  am only going to say this once, as this is not what you would call a popular subject around here". As i sit there playing with the rice, putting milk and sugar into my coffee, i try to put all ears onto what she is about to say. "But that house your living in, is cursed, or haunted. at least thats what this town believes".  I look at her, dumbfounded, not sure really what to say(or believe for that matter). "Yeah, right?". She gives that look, the one that says I know what I am talking about. "Seriously, this is what you think, that the town thinks.That the house is haunted, that's crazy". "There's a lot of odd things that have happened at that house. Things that cannot be explained in any other way". She says this in deadpan, appearing as if she hardly blinked.
     The place is beginning to get busy, and the waiters have seemingly multiplied. I have barely touched my food at this point, she munches on hers off and on almost uncontrollably so in fits n spurts. "OK..., lets say that it is haunted. That doesn't explain anything. Whitman trying to burn his house down was brought on by the death of his wife. I mean really, its a pretty traumatic thing to go through. I can't really blame the guy". The whole way through saying this I can't help but laugh. It just seems so ridiculous. She shakes her head in obvious disagreement though, as she motions the waiter over." Excuse me sir, but can I trouble you for another helping of fries?".  The waiter smiles as if he is greeting a relative he does not like, and replies."Of course,will there be anything else?". She looks at me, albiet briefly, and says back." No, thank you, that will be all".  A couple minutes of silence pursues, as we sit there waiting for the waiter, as far as I can tell anyway. When her plate finally arrives mine is almost done,  and my coffee has already been refilled a few times
     People at this point have come an gone, in a relatively short time, until finally she breaks down the silence. " You know, just because you may have read a few articles on the subject doesn't mean you know everything there is to know".
   "What do you mean, what else is there exactly?". She has this one fry in her hand that she, for some reason, waves it around waiting for something to say while chewing her food. " Whitman is only half the story, the last person to reside in that house. In the last ten or so years there has been three people in that house, including Whitman, that have eventually ended in disaster. I don't know how, or why, this has started, but someone has got to end it. If not, you might just be the next victim. If it was up to me, I would burn that fucker to the ground". I find myself at a little loss for words at this point. Torn between two worlds, is this true? Can it even be possible. "Why are you telling me this now, how do you even know all this?".  She puts the food down and leans her elbows on the table, and gives off this barely audible sigh. "This is not something I prefer to talk about, kind of one of those problems you want to just go away, as you can hardly believe it happened in the first place. You remind me of him actually, your mannerisms, the way you hold yourself. Even.... a slight resemblence I might say".
    "Who do I resemble?". I ask with slight pause, probably appearing a little confused. Although she stares off into nowhere apparently in some thought, or memory, she eventually snaps out and says." My husband, my husband. That's who you resemble. He was". She stops for a second here, and clears her throat." He was, or should I say, we were, the second couple to live in that house. Eventually it got him as well, almost took me with him". At this point in time my jaw has effectively hit the floor, it was not something I saw coming. She must see me at this time like some deer caught in the headlights of some random oncoming car, not really too sure what to do." Well what, what ummm! What happened. If you don't mind me asking". You can hear the surprise in my voice. As I try to make the words form and eventually come out of my mouth." No, I don't mind you asking, I don't. We lived there for about three years. He changed though, started to get violent. He used to tell me about this dreams he had, kind of like the one you told me about. Had them for awhile too, from what he told me anyway. Eventually I told him to confront her, ask her what she wants, after all, it was just a dream, right?. I guess I was wrong. Things started to go south from there. Sooner or later this... uhh,madness, I guess you can call it, prevailed, and he shot himself, down in the basement.
  "I.., I had no idea, I'm sorry that happened".  She stares down at the table, not saying a word. Its hard to believe this whole story, seems as if its some plot from some Hollywood movie or something. But, I can't see why she would lie about this. Especially since her emotions are temporarily getting the best of her. So, logically thinking, its got to be true. Its got to be, but how?. "There's no reason to be sorry, really". She tells me somewhat perking up." I haven't told that story in quite some time. So I apologize for my sudden emotional state". Seeing that we have only met a few times, this may come off as odd but.. that seems a bit out of character for her. I am not the one to believe in the paranormal, but after seeing and hearing all this I must say, it seems as though there is no other explanation." All this is much to take, I was never a believer in this sorta thing. I am at a loss for words". My mind at this point goes in different directions, half is thinking how dumb this sounds, but the other is residing in the facts and the unlikelyhood of her telling this enormous lie for no apparent reason." I have never said this was going to be easy, but there is something about that place, it does things to people. I don't know, it could be some huge coincidence, but that is something I highly! doubt".  At this point the food has been eaten, and the table been cleaned. As she is about to get up I ask her one more question." Before you leave may I ask, If i saw Ms Whitman,at least I think I did, who did your husband see?" She looks down at me, and puts one hand on the table and says. "Well, Ms Whitman.... of course." As I look in disbelief, I utter." But, how?". She sighs and tells me."I struggle with that question everyday". She says this and walks out, and with  this I guess, we can most definitely rule out coincidence.

But as we must

As we must,
And must               
We all

From fatal
To flaw,

From hand or paw

And together
is not,
(An end)
Begin

Or friend..

And what a sad life we must leave..

He has got those sad eyes, the ones that appear to always be frowning. His hair is short, cropped, partly shaven, and his facial hair hides him from the outside world. The attitude he protrudes is apparently grim, but has the time now again for bouts of laughter, or happiness. He never has really said too much, about himself anyways. Usually keeps certain things as if under lock an key. He told me once, that its all apart of life, the degrading of the body, the degrading of the mind. Its the only way to find peace he says, with oneself, and otherwise. I for one, happen to not agree.

How am I slowly losing my mind

                               Chapter 1


I can hear the sound of crackling wood and broken windows echoing of as if from a distance. An in the end, all that remains of my house is the charred and burnt offerings of what once was. As the fire reaches its final conclusion,  and i can maybe once again move on.
       I am just moving into a new place,  a new town,  ready to begin an start over. Me and my wife of ten years just got a divorce, so i thought maybe its time to go, try something different.  Its a small little quiet town, not too far off from the city, where the people are nice and curtious. " Hey mac, your new around here...., aren't cha?". I look up, to see who it might be, and begin. "Yeah, yeah, just bought the place a few weeks ago". The yard is covered with boxes that jut out of the ground like pillars, and the closest house to mine is pushed off by empty space. " Well its always nice to have someone new around here. So where you from now anyhow?". He has on these gray shorts, like khakis,  with (oddly enough) suspenders that don't really fit into this whole ensemble he has going on.  On top he has this weird  green cardigan and really short hair with one of those seventy mustaches all the hipster kids are sporting nowadays. Strange, if i may say so myself.  " Just uptown,  the city actually".  We continue talking as i carry things inside, he follows shortly behind getting in the way more so than not. The living room is somewhat set up, so i offer him a drink and we pass small talk back an forth for a few. After about five or so minutes though. " Oh man,  i... . I gotta,  i gotta go".  He gets up and heads for the door. " Sorry to leave in such a hurry,  but". And once again, it's quiet.  Its weird being alone, in a empty house. No screaming or others telling me to do (or fix) certain things.
      Its the end of the day an the move is done. Boxes upon boxes stack up onto the wall, an the kitchen is filled with misplaced dishes and cutlery that apparently have no home. The living room is mostly set up with just having to call the cable man in the morning. Outside the night slowly creaks in as well as all the odd sounds that emanate from the walls and floorboards. No kids to feed, an no wife to talk to about the day. 
      Upstairs the bed is waiting, the blankets still cold from being outside with nobody to warm them. Its hard after all these years to sleep on your own. But after awhile, of tossing an turning, i finally drift away.
      I awake in the morning with the alarm ringing throughout my ears, and a knock upon my door. Downstairs as i open it i see the cable man tapping his toe to some imaginary beat. " Oh hey, please come in,  come in". He steps in and takes a quick look around and says. " So, is that the tv, right over there?". I give him this blank look, trying to hide the confusion from my face. " Yeah, yeah, its just right over there". He begins taking out this metal type suitcase looking as if he is going to pull out some revolver and begin putting bullet holes in walls and whatever else might get in the way. But Its just the receiver, box or whatever you might call it.  He goes about his work without speak, the silence permeates and clings to your skin like beads of sweat. And as the television screen starts to climb an claw its way back to life,  like some injured animal, a somewhat smile comes over his face. Almost menacingly so. " Okay sir, that should just about do it".  He hands the controller over and. " If you want, i can tell you how to work it? ".  He says this speaking like some james bond villain. "No, no its fine, i believe i can figure it out".  He gives off another odd smile as he closes the door behind him, and as he's gone i can almost feel his presence is still here. Almost as if he left apart of himself, crazy... i know, or maybe just the first time being on my own.
      The house is once again empty, so i go over to see whats on, but the tv is now off. " Wait, wasn't that on just a minute ago? ".  I search my brain trying to remember , but to no avail. My memory as i get older is starting to make that grand exit. Going back to that eternal being from whence it came, or something like that. " Oh well, whatever, i guess it can stay off for know". As i take a look around,  i can see the boxes are still making mountains, as the carpet is its valley, so i figure maybe its time to put things away. I seem to misplace things here an there as i while away the day unpacking. Its just little things really, but at the end gets almost creepy. Stuff will move and drawers will open or close, either that or my mind is really starting to go. The day goes by fairly fast, packing, tv and generalizations. At about ten o clock i fall asleep, on the couch, with broken down and empty boxes surrounding.

                            Chapter 2

I got a headache, and the morning sun fighting it's way through the broken blinds don't help. And I had these dreams last night, with me running through the darkness with an unseen terror. But now, off in the distance, i can hear the slight sounds of music, so i take a quick look around the house to see what it might be. But as per usual, nothing comes about.  I guess maybe its probably outside. As just out and down a couple blocks lies the, what some might call, the city center. And it is there that i decide to take a nice stroll, get some coffee and maybe meet the locals. After about a five minute walk i arrive, with rows of vintage buildings masquerading as coffee, clothing, and other miscellaneous shops. Everything almost seems out of place, as you can tell the stores weren't made for the use there used for now. It reminds me of one of those perfect little made up towns you might see on tv. Unrealistically so, but than again i am from the city, so its not something i am used to. I grab a coffee from this little family run place and find my way to this this park in the center of things. Kids play as the parents sit and talk amongst each other about random things that happened throughout the day. In behind there lies a field partially covered by trees, with picnic tables scattered throughout. Apparently this is where all the teenagers hangout. Wierd little place that reminds me of the street i live on back home. I take a seat just off of where the playground sits as to not appear creepy. The sun shines down upon us, glazing the town in an almost silvery glow, as the noise of kids, children and people in general surround and make it hard to distinguish any one voice.  I am about half way through my coffee when this woman sits down beside me, with hair so red it makes attempts to set the sky on fire. She wears this worn in blue plaid shirt with jeans that have a single tear in one of the knees. " I don't believe i have ever seen you around these parts before?". I set down my coffee beside me, watching the kids all run around in circles, screaming. " no, no, i imagine not. I just moved in down the block, second an Victoria i believe".  " Oh yeah, yeah, i know that place". She says looking back, in the wrong direction. " That's the old whitman place". She gives off this look i won't soon forget, a almost cringe like state as if she tasted something a bit off. " What was that look for?". I ask her, not really expecting anything back. " Oh nothing".  She says almost sighing.  " Its just....  You know what, don't worry about it". I am a little curious now,  usually i would just leave it at that and change the subject, but this time i suddenly feel the urge to push a bit further. " No,  wait, what were you going to say?".  She looks off in the distance for about a minute or so, not saying a word, and then she begins. " Its just i never thought the whitman house would ever sell, thats all". The idea as of why is now running through my mind digging out the craziest solutions to that little problem. But i decide now to leave it at that. " So what exactly do people do in this town for fun?". Giving off a chuckle, she looks out at all the children playing, that has now seemed to grow, and are on the verge of breaking the borders of the park. " you'd be looking at it". " Really? ".  I ask her in disbelief."  " Yeah".  She says with a slight pause. " Theres not much to do around these parts". This follows by a few minutes of silence, as we both watch the scene taking place around us.
" I think maybe you have been living here too long, taking things for granted". The town is covered by trees, that are juxtaposed by the backdrop of the circling mountains. An the air smells of pine, and fresh water. " Yeah, and why do you say that?". " I dont know, i just think sometimes you got to be a tourist in your own town". She looks over, slightly, and says. " Your probably right, but after awhile even the brightest of things turn dull".

Morning bluess

"So, what do you want to do today!". I ask myself, realizing theres no one else around. My eyes are still tired and a bit out of focus, and the open window allows a little breeze come through the suffocating heat. after about a half hour or so, the coffee is made as i sit on the couch watching the tv like a vegetable, or a coma patient. As the walls start vibrating, and the floors begin to move in circles. Dehydration. I grab a water and make my way outside, a nice walk could do wonders.

The difference of perception...

I can hear the murmured sounds of the distant voices crackle in laughter, as they all watch and prey, ( and get up off there feet). And there eyes are upon my skin, as i walk in corners watching the sidewalk pass below my feet. The store windows seem to follow as the buildings swing and sway an speak in whispered tones.  But my hands shake, as i attempt to light a cigerette in the  side alley away from the oncoming wind. And than a man approaches. " hey, can i get a smoke from ya?".  i give him a quick look, assessing the situation, just in case, cause you never know. His hair is long and dirty, from years of unwash. He has on this long greyish trenchcoat, or at least it has the apparent perception of grey, with holes throughout. His sleeves are too long for his arms, and he wears these fifties glasses, the ones with no rims on the bottom. His jeans though, are actually pretty nice. " Yeah, sure, no problem, no problem at all". I hand him one as he smiles, almost cautiously, nods his head and begins on his way. Looking around at this small chunk of city that surrounds, puffs of smoke arise and filter throughout the already polluted air, I cant help but notice things look a little different. A little off,  as if theres been some weird shift throughout the cosmos, or just in my mind. While walking up the street i still have the feeling of unseen eyes ever following, but it usually passes, after awhile, before it once again arises. I head into this small corner store up ahead, right after i stub out the cigerette. As this voice rushes in out of nowhere. " Hey you, you, what the hell you want?". I quickly turn around, arms raised, trying to get ready for whats about to come. This man comes barreling towards me like a rhinoceros, or an elephant. Yelling, screaming and waving his arms. Some kind of madman. I duck down, knocking over small shelves full of those cheap comic books nobody wants, as he swings his fists toward my head. So i quickly slip out and make way down the street, a block or so. As now i can see him by his front door hopping up an down like some red faced babboon. Wiping the small beads of sweat that have accumulated on my brow, i start to wonder whats going on. This cant be just a coincidence. I have been in that place thousands of times, without a hitch. I dont know, maybe he mistaken me for another. Across the street though, lies a coffee shop, one of those try to hard hipster ones. I figure, maybe i will have better luck over there. I go in and do my thing, order, pay, and whatever. Outside they have those crappy tables and chairs that nobody likes, the ones made out of metal that are supposed to be artfully laced. And the only time you see them is in some shit garden your grandma has. Or some wannabe rich person. People pass by without any attention, and slowly things start to fit into place. This table, as always, rocks back and forth as it tries to settle onto the crooked ground. I end up getting up, mostly from shear uncomfortableness, which i am sure is the purpose of the cafe. Just behind lies rows of houses standing in straight lines watching there neighboring selves across the way. Most the houses here are vintage, and in being so look somewhat alot alike. Like crayons all lined up nicely in there respective boxes, all the colors of the rainbow. Except these are all old an dirty,(and.. have a certain charm, i suppose,)as the yards are about the best thing they have going. Theres a school that lies in the middle of all this, that appears to always be empty. A few people are only ever there in the field playing with dogs or are just, well, there. My house is in all this, in back alleys squeezed inbetween everyother that have eventually muscled there way in through the years. The yard is ratty and undistured, with no plants or trees calling it home. Theres some patio stairs that are a peeling grey, with the steps and rails ready to give up and fall at any moment. As i attempt to open the door i find it locked, and as i try my keys the door again fails to open. The small window that is clouded over with dirt and whatever else might have found there way onto it is closed off with a equally crappy  off colored blind. Finally after a minute or so trying to jimmy my key into the lock, my roommate comes and opens the door. " Uhh, can i help you?". He gives me this confused look as if he never seen me before. " Stop messing man, and just let me in". He stands there, kinda like some long haired otter with messed hair and looking as if he is a bit too laid back. " I'm sorry, but i have never seen you before so". He pauses for a second, and by the look on his face, i can tell he means it, but i dont know if i believe it myself. " I am closing the door now". He says as the door creaks slowly closed, but with a deafening thud. I turn around and notice, that once again, my hands do shake, as i try to light a cigerette. Have i gone crazy, or am i just hallucinating. I stand there for a second contemplating this, as i figure what to do, or think, for that matter. Going around to the front of the house, i remember the other suite. It lies just beside our front door, and up a few steps. So as i knock the door slightly opens, and i begin." I know this is weird, but". And i pause, giving off a slight sigh knowing what i am asking next. " But, i live downstairs, and my roommate is acting odd, everybody actually, seems to, Well... You know". He looks me up and down and says." He doesnt have a roommate". He smiles, one of those creeped out and confused smiles, and closes the door. And my cigerette now hangs in the balance(among other things)of falling. Outside on the patio  the world is almost as it once was, a possible shift, maybe. As i look at the address on the door, i cant believe my eyes, but.... The numbers are different, and maybe, just maybe, so is this world.

an than i fell...

Than i fell,

(gradually, at first)

intothedarksadness

ofbirth

and as the road drove,

an angry curve,

i followed its path,

and died of thirst..

Untitled

So
Run run
Run...

Somewhere,
Someone.

For the eyes
Do drown,
And the mindd
Does
Numb.

And time,..
Does Last,
a day?,
A year?,

A son.

untitled....\*

Fireupthestickto
calmthenervess calm
the nerrves calm
the nervesso
eeasyriding can enter
the scene lurched back
with the foot!... to the floor
catching the curves gearing

downdowndowndowndown

than flarrring, revving, killing the clutch
to a frenzied blowout

(asleep at the wheel)

and what a wonderful ache
to the head, blue an red
blue n red. That with an
in, an blink of an eye, an
blur to the head,

and timerevves its engines,
for the get go,
                      go ahead. ?

Now i plan to sleep.

Now i plan
to sleep, till
days end..

and disappear,
(past tense)

wash away,
rivers end.

earlymorning,
noon spent.

fly, float,
soon...
went.

Internal breathing...//

Think,

(But how)
As they.

When life
Like these,

Like death
& please,

Will I,,
But would/

Or did

And as
Do I, may
See.

And the monster rises. Chapter 4 - Into the depths of the tunnels below

The people have emptied, and I try to catch my balance as the city moves from side to side, but just slightly of course. We stand on top of the stairwell, leading down, a little frightened, a little excited, for what I don't know. " So, are you sure about this?". I ask, trying to make conversation. she wipes the dirt from her face, and laughs " As the old saying goes, I am ready for anything. Why, your not afraid are you?. " Me? No, of course not. Its not like there's anything to be afraid of". She starts walking down the stairs, takes about three steps, pauses, and turns her head towards me. " Don't you worry". She says with a wry smile. " I will go first". Walking down, I can't help but realize how oddly quick we have apparently bonded. Maybe we knew each other in a different life, maybe in extreme circumstances people tend to act different. Its hard to say really. I have gradually found that being myself in life really isn't a option, but in this case, it almost seems plausible. You know what they say though, those who forget history... " Watch out for that last step." She says, but it being to dark to see, can't see her current expression, or exact whereabouts as well. We are at the presumably bottom now, I turn on my flashlight, and she hers. I don't say it, but I do wonder why we didn't earlier. " Its hard to see exactly where were going but I believe we go left, that should lead us to the tracks, that eventually head on out of the city". I ponder this for a second. " What do you think?". I can slightly see her face now, with the residual runoff of the light, she looks both ways with the flashlight lighting the way. " You know what? I think you may just be right". I can see the echoes of the porcelain walls shimmer and shine in a most peculiar way, as the cement posts line up like soldiers, ready for war. We are in a long corridor now, with walls on both sides of us, we make our way with careful precision, as I almost miss the stairs that suddenly show up out of nowhere. Its getting darker now, the deeper we venture, if that is at all possible. As our flashlights are starting to succumb to it. And I find myself reaching out for some type of stability. But I can still see her in the near distance, like a ghost, making her way through acting as she does this day in and day out. " How do you know where your going, when its so dark in here?". I ask with a look of puzzlement, that she probably may not be able to see. "Oh, I have my ways, I have my ways". Her face is covered, and I can't quite make out the features, but I imagine her saying this with a wry grin, as I wonder exactly what she means by this statement. " So in other words, what your saying is, your not gonna tell me?". She doesn't answer this, and silence follows for about five minutes, when all of a sudden. ". Okay, so I think this is it, the tracks are down there. So if we just follow those, heading down, we should make it outside the city in relatively no time". We climb down to the tracks, and I kneel down to feel for any vibrations, just to be sure. Suddenly I just realize, I don't know anything about this girl, she could be some crazed mass murderer, for all I know. " You know what?". I pause, waiting for a answer that will never come." I really don't know anything about you". She stops for a second, with apparent opposition, or surprise. Maybe this was a question I should not have asked. " No, I guess you don't".

Sooner or later, i will be a disappointment to everyone.

All is quiet, and the only sound is the sound of the wipers screeching across the windshield. The passenger seat is empty, as per usual, and cars whiz by in fits and blurrs. Its getting to be dark outside, and its at these types of nights I can feel the oncoming of loneliness in the air. I can see the reflections on the streets of the people I lost, and the clouds overhead are rumbling, in some apparent disagreement. While off in the distance I can see the outcast colors of the sun as its swallowed by the mountains, that tend to glow with mutiple points of seemingly unreachable light, as if emanating from heaven, or the valleys below.

And the monster rises. Chapter 3 - The monster walks

I am quite aways off now, and in the distance I can see him. As if I am dreaming, I keep closing my eyes hoping to wake up. I can see my building,slowly crumble, taking everything I own down with it. Coming over here I passed tanks, jeeps, and military men. Acting as they are going to war, which in a sense, I guess kinda are. I am still in the downtown core, with groups of people who are all penetrated with fear. I can see it in there eyes, mothers clutching babies, kids crying off in the distance as family's embrace each other, such love. I really don't have anybody myself, to embrace, to hold in my arms. But that's a different story. At this point I am not too sure what to do, I have been here for about half an hour, but the creature comes ever closer. So at that I remember a subway entrance just a block or two from here, maybe the deeper I go the better. I am hoping to just kind of wait it out, like the many others I see. There is not really a manual for this type of thing, even though certain movies do advise against this kind of move, I am going to take my chances. For who knows what else may be crawling out around here. Or down there for that matter, but I think this just might be best case scenario. The subway tunnels should lead us almost out of the city. The city built them years ago, as a kind of shelter as well in case of nuclear war. It was a bigger deal back then I suppose. Nowadays, we have other things to worry about. As I head to the entrance I pass a little corner store of sorts, pause for a second, and decide to see just to make sure I need anything else. I pace myself through the isles trying to catch everything, while getting myself to get out as fast as I can. I grab some batteries for the flashlight, and head to the back counter to grab a pack a cigarettes. I quit, but I think I can be pardoned, seeing as what's happening outside. To my surprise though, I find a woman crouching behind and frightened. " Miss". Slight pause for confusion. "but is everything okay. do u need any help?". She pulls back a bit, as if she has been suddenly caught of guard. " Jesus mister, you scared the hell out of me, what do u want,anyways". I shrug my shoulders and grab a pack of canadians of the shelf. " Sorry miss, but I don't think this is the best of hiding places, but I guess that's not for me to decide". As I am about to walk out I hear her voice stopping me in my tracks, with a kind of crackly tone mixed with a bout of fear. " I have a name you know". I turn around and look at her for a second. She's shorter, of sorts, maybe around 5" 5 or something. With long thick black hair that partially covers her face, she wears this black faded hoodie with what appears to be a eagle on the top left shoulder. And her jeans a faded blue with what can only be called the beginnings of holes on the right knee. Her face is somewhat covered in dirt as well as her jeans from where she was sitting behind the counter. " It appears that, you had some company lately". She smiles cautiously, almost with a sigh of relief. " It does appear, doesn't it?. My name is anthony by the way." Telling me as she begins to walk towards me, like a cautious animal. " So mister, where are you headed. A change of scenery wouldn't be, you know". She shrugs her shoulders scanning the area slightly, with a smile on her face. " The worse thing in the world". Outside the people are beginning to make there way by, as you can start to feel the ground somewhat begin to shake around us. Like a earthquake, or a tremor, that comes ever closer. " Well, I am headed out of the city, I figure the subway tunnels might be the best way right now. Why do u ask?". She is about five or so feet from me now, as the stock that still clings to the shelf start to slowly fall off. " Oh, no reason, I just thought you might need some company".

And the monster rises. Chapter 2 - As I run in terror

I am getting close, as the monster towers before me. Its tentacles wrap around buildings and cover the streets, bathing the city as if it were its plaything. And they look to be about three stories tall, as the city is eeriely quiet. It still hasn't appeared to move for some time, I don't know, maybe its just dead. So standing beside this Thing, the complete shear awe of it washes over me. The unbelievable size is just... Monstrous. Even more so when almost next to it. I can start to feel my mind now race in fear, of all the unknown possibilities. So I begin to make my way back, going ever so faster the farther I get. But at about two or three blocks, I start to hear the rumbles of terror, that end up shaking beneath my feet. I turn around and I see the monster rise as the city begins to crumble at its ( metaphorically speaking) feet. Like a scene from a godzilla movie, buildings start to buckle under the weight while huge chunks of metal or concrete start to come down before me. And I run in terror, as massive pieces fall, while I duck for cover with car alarms going off and the deafening noise of chaos shatters through my earlobes disinfecting the brain. I am a little ways off now, and in the distance I can see the thing wail its arms about taking out city blocks as if they were miniature lego landscapes. The sounds of helicopters in the distance finally makes there way through, and the people are few and far between. I am right by my apartment building now, as I contemplate going inside to pick up a few things, just in case it might all come down. So I stand there for a minute and figure, fuck it, I still got some time. I run upstairs not taking the chance with the elevator, as I seen to many movies where that ended badly. Inside I grab a backpack from the closet, and stuff it with water, some food,a hunting knife I am not sure why I have, and a few personal belongings I wouldn't want to let go. Taking one last look at the place, as if saying goodbye, I shut the door for what I hope is not the last time. Making my way down the stairs once more, I start to feel the gound shake, I pause for a second in a brief moment of confusion, than run ever faster outside. The creature is closer, than it was. Creeping its way to the downtown core. What does it want? What could it possibly be looking for? These questions I do not know.

And the monster rises.

I always liked the beach, the sand between your toes, the smell of the ocean and the waves undulating against the very edge of the sands. I come here quite often, to get away from the constant noise of the city, and the putrid smell of the exhaust that seems to come out of everything that passes. The city lays just behind, with the beach just in front. So you can still somewhat hear the remnants try to overcome, as I stand here, watching the very edge of the earth, in the far distance. I can feel the ocean beneath my feet, as the wet sand is as though it will pull me under. To the right lies the pier, like the long arm of god it reaches out carrying the likes of families, lovers, and children. The clouds paint the sky like a van gogh painting, and the screaming of children fades to the background, as do all others. After about a hour or so though, I give off a sigh, stare at the sand and head back. As I cross the street the city begins, coming out of the ground like monoliths or a petrified forest. A stark difference to the beach behind. The noises now rush in, penetrating the earlobes and ransacking the brain. Its hard to think straight. Up ahead lies a diner, one of those ones that looks like its straight out of that fifties b-movie the blob. The glowing red neon sign out front washes over the street, giving off a slight buzzing. I go inside and have a coffee, sitting at the front table on a stool. I can hear the news on the tv talking about that strange sighting on the coast of here, just a few miles from where I was on the beach. All the wild speculation of sea monsters and such, such bull. If there where things creeping under, we would have found them by now. The waitress comes over after awhile, she has short short hair, and the bluest eyes you have ever seen. " Hey there, you need a refill". She says with this almost sarcastic smile. " Maybe just one more, and that will be it". You can see the glow in her eyes start to sprinkle, almost as if there once more, rising from the depths. "Yeah, sure honey, that's what they all say". The news is still going on about the so called incident, saying how in the sixties or seventies there might have been some nuclear tests out in the deep ocean not too far from here. Speculation, I might add. It has been all top secret, and never been proven. I pay for my coffees, and head on back outside, the wind has started up, and beggars have now infiltrated the sidewalks. The streets are bustling with people and tourists alike, and the noise can drive a sane man crazy. My place is just a few blocks up, in some old apartment building on the third floor. Its funny to watch the people clutching there hats, almost as if its the only thing they might have left. Inside the apartment building, I run into one of the other tenants, he doesn't know my name I don't know his, and I would rather keep it that way. " Hello, Mr. Man". As he likes to call me. " How are you this fine day?" He is one of those people that are overly happy, being with them too long will guarantee to make you sick. " I am doing good, just on my way back from the beach, yourself?". His hair always seems to be perpetually messed, and he lives in this old ratty sports jacket, an ugly brown that looks as though the moths had a field day. His jeans are broken, and ripped, but other than that, he is not what you would call a ugly guy. Apparently he has two kids, and even worse, an overbearing wife (whom I met, and agree) in which makes this little style choice make more sense. Upstairs in the apartment I turn on the lights and everything is as I left, not that there's any reason it shouldn't. I go to the kitchen and turn the lights on, and begin to make a sandwich. A peanut butter and jam, nice and simple. I turn the television on and nameless so calleds spurt out all types of bullshit trying to throw out there wears and what not while trying to subtly call you stupid. All mindless woman with sex appeal and kids having fun because of some product placement. So as you can see, I turn the tv off, and I decide to read. With a few intervals of food and what have you, in between. I end up falling asleep on the couch with my cardigan on, only to wake in the morning with a somewhat sore back. And the radio on,trying to get me up out of bed. So I roll over and push the snooze button, but a noise still slowly rumbles that I never heard before. " What the hell?". I silently mumble, realizing I am by myself. As I stumble out of bed the whole building shakes as if a bomb just went off. I make my way to the porch, outside. The world is still a little fuzzy, but as my eyes adjust, I almost drop to the floor. But after I take a minute to compose myself, I quickly throw on the cardigan and slip on my shoes all while running out the door. Outside others have all but done the same. I turn the corner to face the same way of my porch, cautious, as to not wake a slumbering beast. And as I look upon the skyline, I see what can only be found as arms, or tenticles of sorts. Except exceptionally big, as if the city has shrunk down to nothing. I look to the man standing next to me, on my right. " What's going on, what is that... That thing?". He looks to me, his face seemingly frozen in some silent panic. " I.. I don't know, it". He pauses for a few, trying to once again compose himself. " Its an octopus, only, bigger, I guess". We both stare off into the distance, watching the creature, it doesn't seem to have moved in some time. Its tentacles cradling the buildings before it like playthings. We still can't see its body now, if it does perhaps have one. " Well, I don't know about you mister, but I am going to get a closer look". I turn away, starting to walk closer. But not before someone grabs my arm. " Are you sure you want to do this?, we don't know anything about that thing. Or what its, capable of.

I am an antler, ready to fall off..

Hope,
Like with

Shows up
But after

But silence,

Is like a kiss,
That does not,

(Disaster.)

chapter two;Things get a little, ( pause for effect) stranger.

He leans in a little closer now, putting out his cigarette underneath the table, with his shoe, I suppose. " Listen closely Mr. Conner's, because things are about to get a little, strange. But you can think of me as a kind of police force, if you will". The diner now is starting to fill up a bit more, for the early afternoon rush. Outside the rain still falls, making those sweet sounds of patter against the window, and people all cover themselves over as if the rain just might be toxic." A police force?". I ask repeating." What government are you under". He gives a little chuckle, but his lips do not move at all. " Government?, Mr. Conner's. No, we are of no government. In fact, we are not of this". Another short pause, acting as if he might be reciting Shakespeare or something." As you might say, plane of existence. If you want to call it that". I lean back in my seat now, with a slight smile. This man must be crazy, some kook from outside with a schizophrenic disorder. I don't know, maybe he gets his kicks off making others the fool. " What is this, some kind of joke or something, do you really think I am going to fall for this?" The waitress comes by and cleans up the table, plates and what not. We both go silent, and I order another coffee. " I see Mr. Conner's, I see. I predicted this event would come about. For you see, you are blinded. Narrowly going through life never fully realizing the veil that covers you". His voice is almost ominous now, as his eyes are all but serious . " There are other things beyond certain doors Mr. Conner's, between the holes in the fabric of space, that you could not possible realize". He leans back now, with arms on the table, lighting up another cigarette, almost as if the place has gone dark and we are all trying to find our way. " So, what exactly are you saying here? What, am I in the matrix or something?" I give off a slight laugh, waving my hands in a general area. His expression on the other hand, does not seem to change, but nonetheless, somehow doesn't seem amused. "No Mr. Conner's, no. I think you people watch to many movies. Which you must realize, is not exactly accurate, Mr. Conner's". The place is filling up now, and the noise from others are starting to overcome. He does a short scan of the surrounding environment, puffing away as the smoke rises and slowly disappears. Where?, I am not sure. " So Mr. Conner's, I ask you again, you need to come with me".

Chapter one:For all I know, you could be anybody.

The diner is empty, and as I sit by the window with my coffee and half eaten plate of eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns. A man suddenly walks in, wearing a grey suit straight out of a thirties cop movie, fedora and all. I don't pay much attention. Until he continues over and begins to sit next to me. His face is expressionless, with no real features to say of. If I had to describe him to somebody, I would probably be at a loss. He lights up a cigerette, but no one seems to care. " How are you, mister conners?" He asks in a quite non-descript voice. " I have come here today with some news". He pauses for about ten or so seconds, puffing away. " I think you should hear". Usually when a strange man sits next to me, I would be suspicious, I mean who wouldn't. But for some reason unknown. I remain calm, trusting him for no apparent reason. To a certain extent anyways. " How do you know who I am?". I ask while finishing up my coffee. " I know a lot about you mr. Conners, but right now that is not important". The waitress once more comes around and pours some more coffee. I add two milks and four spoons of sugar, taking a sip to test how hot it might be." I have to say, at this moment in time, it seems fairly important". He cracks a wry smile." Maybe so, maybe so. But all in do time mr. Conners, all in due time. First I think you might have to come with me, there is something that you, need to know". He looks at me with those dead eyes, and featureless features. I am staring at him right now, and still having a hard time remembering what he looks like. " You don't really expect me to drop everything, and come willingly, do you. For all I know, you could be anybody". And he laughs, just a little." Okay Mr. Conners, okay". I find he has a certain tendency to repeat himself, as if either one of us is not quite understanding what he's saying." But remember this, this is for your ears only, and you tell no one".

As you come, (but) slower...

She leave
Like lust,

And love
Like over,

"As I
Show need."

And togethor
We must

As you come,
(But) slower.

A time to breathe?

Or a time of not,
But what,

           Does she?

The boarded room( I am wooden shingle.)

Help,
With -
deathh, as over

Andsaid
With
Joy

(Whatever)

But did he?
He did,?

But did
Not.

Moving slowly,.

As was
But once
And noww
so,,

Disconnected
Dis-connect,
Time machine.

And have we,
Have long
A time ago,

Maybe?, or
Maybe so..

But not,
But maybe after.

Let the mountains rise up/let the waters take over..

The city turns to suburbs, as the suburbs turn to farms. Slowly allowing the forest and the trees to take over. As the mountains rise up out of the ground as if by accident. " Are you hungry?". I ask, almost in mid-thought. She looks up with puzzlement, that gives way to a moment of silence. " I could go for something". We are about an hour and a half away now, just outside of hope, on our way to her cabin by lac la jeune. The sun outside beats down upon the road spreading its wings as it passes through the windshield, and the clouds up ahead are starting to gather. " There's a tims in town?". Asking outloud. And she slowly cracks a little smile." Yeah, okay, I could go for that". I take the next exit and head into town, the trees slowly dissipate and part ways allowing room for the buildings, cars and whatever else. Little shops line the streets, like soldiers preparing for battle, that end off usually with a gas station or some mom and pops restaurant. And next to the gas station to the left lies the tim hortons. Inside, we get our usual ( breakfast sandwich with bacon, hash brown, and a coffee) and take a seat by the window." So how long do you think we have?". Asking as she stirs her coffee. " You mean till we get there?". I say aloud, thinking to myself. "Yeah". She answers in this high type voice, as if the word has lost all meaning, or someone just did the hiemlich on her and it just suddenly shot out. " Oh,I don't know". I tell her, pausing sufficiently enough to seem as though, I might be calculating it in my head. " I would have to say about two hours and we should be pulling up". The crowd in here is now starting to multiply, and the line up is now almost out the door. Its warm outside, and I can feel the warmth coming through the windows. The mountains are in plain view, and you can see the clouds litter the sky every once in a while. " Do you think you might want to stop in merrit as per usual?". Every time we come up this way we stop in merrit. About half way to kamloops, three quarters the way to her cabin. Its become a kind of ritual as it may. There's this triple O's in town she likes. She thinks about this for a second and eventually shrugs her shoulders." I don't know, let's see once we get there. It should be lunch by than anyhow". I smile at this, nodding my head while simultaneously drinking my coffee. Afterwards we get up and try to find our way outside, as if passing through the labyrinth of the gods waiting for the minotaur at the end. And the radio plays godspeed you black emperor, as the strings slowly ascend to chaos with field recordings bursting out in between every once in awhile. I love driving down the highway in the middle of nowhere. You get to the point of believing the apocalypse might have happened as just at that point you hit some small town city somewhere. After about a hour or so, though, of driving, the earth begins to crack open forming valleys below. Grassy fields rise up as all the trees slowly dissipate and disappear, while over the cliff up ahead I can now see the inklings of society almost like it has been lost for centuries. A small town literally in the middle of nowhere. " Do you want to stop here, or just make our way through. We aren't too far off now, so?". I end kind of trailing off mid thought. As she sits for a minute, acting as if she never heard me.