lack of # 4our

the sidewalks are covered, engrossed in the human filth we try as we might to forget. and the store windows are blinding, as i sneak through the city as if not to get noticed. and the sky overhead is hardly noticeable, as the city tries its best to seemingly hide the outside world. because everywhere you look it goes on forever. the corners of buildings are now filled with fear, and as i stand here  i wonder if this is all worth it. so i have been doing this for years. and maybe its time to be a man. but i dont know, the world seems like such a scary place. and my teeth hurt, as the thoughts move around my head. after about five minutes pass, i think, you know what. this is were i am going to take myself back. than i slowly turn the corner as if in slow motion and the unrepentive fear is lodged deep down in the dark caverns of somewhere or other. in the first time in almost forever. i start to feel good about myself. but the people are still non speaking, as the loneliness still pulsates within. but i try for now to push it down in this triumphant eventfullness in my own literary evolution. and i have a slight problem with walking around not quite sure what to do with myself. because the city is as such a silent mistress, and i tried to make friends once. lets just say it did not work out how i had once hoped. i guess its better off in the aspects of life i tend to attend. that is usually how it turns out i find, as the citizens occupying the sidewalk have the distinct ability to walk right through me. so the windows are a blaze with the reflection of the windows. after awhile though of scanning the city while taking residence in my own head, i figure its about time i  take a sit down and enjoy the scenery while standing still. and so inside the nearby coffee shop(and yes i know i am addicted) i wait in line to order, in the back of my head the fear is subsiding, as i now order my coffee, double double. i head outside to the patio out front, as the city she dont seem to stop moving. the people coalesce and after watching them for a insubordinate amount of time they begin to be quite difficult to make out one person from the next. but every so often there is just enough room to breath. and as i go to take one final sip from my coffee i find it on the ground after taking a dive as if in exhaustion of being so used and recycled. and i look up and who might you think is probably standing there, the most certainly people i have been trying so hard to not to fear. and so, yet again the fear starts to take over. now flash past the embaressment of bullying to some unknown back alley not too far in the distance. but one might just ask how i could have found myself here. well my friend let me shorten that story for you. we  used to have a class or two togethor back in college, he used to copy tests here and there from me because....... well , hes bigger than i am. and when the eventuality of getting caught came to the fore front. i had no other choice but to tell the truth, you know the bullying and all. and with the possibility of getting thrown out for good, that is what i did. so you can guess what happened to him. dont get me wrong, i didnt want to do it, get him thrown out and all. but a hard choice between my future and what would inevitably happen is really not a very good choice at all, but i knew what i had to do was the right thing. and they did punish me, if i remember correctly it was being kicked out myself for a certain amount of time. or something to that order. and in the back alley the light is absent. so i do what any scared dumb kid would do, i went first. and in the knowing of the possibility of an upcoming (and exaggerated) death, who knows what one might do.

a lack of #3

And the darkness vibrates, on the streets of death. As the back alleys are monsters. Awaiting in the corners of nowhere. My breathing is inconsistent and the ground is moving slowly. The buildings build up like towers, and the creatures lay sleeping making rustling noises in the corners of my peripheral vision. As the legs rattle, and my mind begins to be fearful of its own imagination. And instantaneously (and with a pool of sweat) i find myself in my house, on the couch with the white noise of the tv humming throughout the living room. And i cant seem to remember how i got here. Or if the alley was in my head or not. So maybe the fear is starting to maybe take over. I get up wash my hands and take a look at myself in the mirror. I guess sometimes dreams could be the death of you. And as i have already found out, life is kind of the same way. I open up the shades in the kitchen and the sun is just starting to make its way above the mountains, and over the clouds. As the light on the microwave says its only about seven in the  morning. I go ahead and make some coffee and turn on the t.v. In this early in the morning there is not too much on. And in the background i can hear the coffee maker gurgle and churn and makes its way up to the filter above. I open up my laptop and make my rounds of boredom an inconsistencies. And the net seems to be a new disease, a false promise of friends of thousands that u never get to likely see. So if you have a hard time making friends in some non reality, what ( if any) good do you have in the real world. After a few cups of coffee and a hour or so of doctor who or what have not, i find i tend to make my way to the outside world. And the sun shines its way through the concrete mountains in a most illuminous way. As the people dress accordingly, showing as much skin as possible. Naked without actually being. And i dont know what quite to do today, and the flowers outside my block are beautiful.

For a lack of anything else better to say(pt2)

and the buildings are beautiful, and full of life. Everything seems so simple when your staring out a pain of glass, atop the world looking down amongst the insects. But everybodys got to face the truth sometime, or what you make of it anyway. I look down at my empty coffee cup, shake it a bit (in hopes of anymore might be left over) and decide maybe its time to be on my way. I get up off my seat and the streets are crowded. The memory of hiding behind backsides of buildings long gone. But not quite forgotten. And its nice to take a stroll on a sunny day. The wind in the trees as the branches wave back and forth as if in celebration. And the blue sky is burning. As the sun gets buried waiting to rise once more in a couple hours or so. And at this time, i guess its a good idea to start to getting back. My place is not to far away, around the corner around the bend. Just as the city begins to start to disappear in to the blackness of a haunted night. and i get a little paranoid, the bubbles of thought tend to rise up over my head. So i walk a little faster now, trying to make my way back to the origins of this morning. and the clouds seem to succumb to an early death, and the city continues to darken. This is when the people want to come out and play. And as you may or not be able to tell, i am not that well equipped. In the physical sense of the word. And are those the shadows of creatures that lurk in the night. Or is my mind just playing tricks on me. As the peering street lights have a quality to do that to a person. And i have a certain suspicion i am not alone.

the city is a sorry place./bear fur rugg..

The sea is black. and the fog is distasteful. the ground is littered and the people are churning out a slow death in ever record numbers. as the animals are innocent i say. and so lets burn down there houses, and uproot the land. as it gets lonely in here ( with my human condition). so lets get out are guns and do something already. for the fur coats ( and the death of man)

For a lack of anything else better to say

They caught me breathing, the air is still. my arms twitch, and my hands try to wrap around themselves (thumbs out). the buildings replace walls and the walls tower. and i am invisible, attempting or not. its hard to run when your out of breath. as i try to get out of the way of flying objects. even if those might be attached to others. and i slightly move my eyes round the corner to find who might be waiting, watching. i might try to be quiet. all i see now are people walking by inconspicuously, heads down. firmly implanted in mobile devices that make em out like zombies. I decide to continue on my way, roaming my way through the crowd in silence, watching them move in groups. In case i may have to use my feet once more. And the city is cancerous, i can see it spreading. It just so happened on the eastside, slowly making its way through the streets having others (like myself) defend themselves in otherwise some unnatural way. And this isnt the first time. Just an easy target, i guess. And after a something or other amount of time. My feet are sore, my mind drags. I decide to turn my way into a coffee shop up ahead. Order a drink, straight black.And sit outside in the wafting sun as the crowds walk by in a seemingly vegetative state. going back and forth to work, or what have you.

the Pleasures of being Short..

#1

I tend to disappear when things

get rough. I am made out of water

but i am all dried up.

#2

I am his lungs, blackened and

decayd. I am his heart, broken an

in the way.

#3

Listen to me softly, listen to me

sweet. the suns are dancing, an

the trees are asleep.

#4

My love is silent, frayed. But i

love her madly, at least today.

#5

Wait, do you hear that tune. It must

be the day, the day of the moon.

#6

Keep your eyes up,

for the ground

is nowhere

to be seen

#7

And my stomach burns w/

a nauseating chemical called

(apparently) llove..

if (at times) i feel blessed

/On the other hand

death,

or how we might

not somehow

like it.

love it,

might now

sometime,

care.

Off in the distance the phantoms grow

My hands move back and forth like phantoms. and the light of the city is colored in a distinct pattern of visibility. the people move in shadows, and the buildings are fuzzed, blurred and out of focus. My feet stumble as the sidewalk moves in and out of consciousness. As the clutter builds and the stomach turns. Everywhere i go i cant help but fall asleep. the time goes bye in a minut sense of sensibility. and my head hurts, and my arms sag. i can now see my house standing up off in the near distance. and the road goes off to seemingly nowhere, but i cant wait, but to fall asleep. and the hills are heavy, with the mourning breeze.

In the woodss... death takes over

In the woods death takes over. and the trees bend over backwards, warding off the which way i go. I am confused, disoriented, and the ground upheaves itself, bringing about mountains. and i dont know which way is the way. but my hands tremble, as off in the distance shadows appear in and out of nowhere. and home now seems so far away.

Happynesss as a chemicl Inbalance..

My words are

Brok e,

bBroken./

Slight delayy.

Cause my mind

Is clutterd,,

W/not to say.

Untitled//

And life just somehow

kinda happens.

an inconveniencingthought.

or otherwise...

And do trees tend to perspire.

when the grass gets too hot.

uproot there leaves, if

only i could not..

In the eventuality of a hollow death

In the summer daze of Ddeath,

the sun grows weary,

of the people below.

And the fog burns,

as the roads boil. and the forest

is all hollowed out of all the trees. the animals lay bare

(slowly disappearing, )

and what a waste so!

Is it not..

reconstituted death

lets go home o' honey bee. i cant see but dont you mind the grass is long my legs are short. oh dear oh me my house is broken but you dont love me anymore said the hills. the mountains cried that day and the wind is windy and cold. i will sit down beside and imaginate myself without you until the day we die. my arms leak flatulent fluid and my eyes decieve me on a regular basis. i dont mind that you dont lay next to me i can figure out how to love myself all over again. the birds are of in the distance spying on the chickens wondering why they dont escape. the egg scrambled away to find it s friend you say. lets follow him and get hungry as it finds it s way into my sarcofagus. my toenails ache and pain and pull themselves off everynight to go party down the bathtub drain with my dead hair and skin that reconstituted itself into the a more beautiful version of me. the room is clean miss daisy oh, wont you join me inside for tea and stroke my legs for good luck. i bought these glasses in hopes that my iq wont look so stupid to others. i have to say i am sorry my friend but you must be miss informed for i have no friends except for my pool of tears i keep in my bbedroom closest. they are nicely in place in a fishbowl so i can drown myself in my sorrows every night. i am hoping the bathtub wont get jealous since the time it tried to electricute myself. i get down on both knees and pray to it every once in awhile. i am sorry you have to see this but the buttons below my fingers are conspiring against me.

\Untitled...

love,,

like knife.,

smears

madly

from

who.

and

she

said

he

want like

void.

and

always i

 Want

for how

inside the diner the tension grew

inside the diner the people are quiet. the waitresses are dressed in a sort of light blueish smock reminiscent of hospital garb. and the whole place looks oddly sanitized. the people sit in comfort as they slowly talk below there breath. as i continue to stand there for a moment of fleeting confusion. a young girl greets us in a soft subtle voice as if avoiding to wake the dead. she stands in a upright and most proper matter. her hair a sunned down blonde. tied back and with a pair of glasses that appear to be a extension of her face. she points out a booth to the back and to the right. and as i look over the menu i order the breakfast special. as the young lady hovers over us glaring down with a glowing dispositon. i face my way across the table and crack a smile. and i can still remember her when she's young. the older she gets though the seemingly more youthful she becomes. an i find myself just then in a state of almost none existence. my mouth won't open and the words glimmer and fade before they fall out of me in mid air. the feeling begins to dim slowly as i start to ask her how she became to get herself in here. she begins to tell me that after i left the problems i had continued to worsen. as if some bubble had burst and the devil had took housing somewhere inside me. ''you always had that quality about you that made everything just kind of wash away. as if all my trouble s had not been there to begin with. '' i sat there, as the flood gates opened and all the memories past came rolling in with the piled up mounds with disease called guilt. and i had no idea, i made things this way. and again she began to speak. '' i don't blame you though.'' '' it would have came boiling up no matter if you where there or not''. i looked at here trying my best to bring my voice up and over my chest. '' i had no idea. it's all my fault then''. '' i am so sorry. for i have regretted that day every since''. everyday afterwards the thought of you would gather up inside me, trying to spew out as i tended to lock them away''. she looked at me sweet eyed and tired. '' really, believe me when i say it's not your fault''. '' you know the childhood i had, i have never blamed you and i never will''. now please lets forget this drab talk, i want to hear more about you''.and so i began. i told her about my marriage, how it had ended, and my life afterward up until this point. omitting the things i thought to early. and so on and so forth. our food showed and the morning went and turned into the rest of the day right in front of us outside or window. we talked about nonsense and times past. but even then all through the day my conscience still bugged me about the reason i came here in the first place. as my nerves where racked. and my mind fogged.

in the morning the light is stifled. as it tries to make its way through the blinds on the window beside me. i get up and make my way to the living room just outside. i get ready, dressed and suddenly hear the slightest knock on the door. i walk over and turn the knob as it creaks and moans and makes its way open. and there she stood. so beautiful. as her hair huddled down against her shoulders. her eyes a cosmological event. she always had this graceful obscurity to her. something thats out there for everyone and only me too see. as her lips moved the earth shook. ''well good morning sleepy. i thought maybe you would like to go get some breakfast maybe. talk'' . i looked at her with a grin, a smile, and off we went to the diner attached to the main house. as we walked outside through the halls and disappeared in the distance. i continued to ask her what kind of place is this anyway. she gave a little laugh and went on to tell me it is a kind of commune, a hospital, a place for people to come and wind down from whatever troubles they might have.

((part two)#..................................................

the stale air outside is dying, and the temperature drops with every minute the day is dead. i knock on the door and the sound reverberates through the walls and echo's in my heart. and as the door creaks open her face is beautiful. and her scornful eyes are happy. her hair is long and as dark as death. with it down, messy and half covering her face. she begins to ask me what i am doing here. and as i might recall me saying that my heart grows weary. inviting me in i find the rooms are full, and the desk in front lays lonely and full of dust. ''and i am sorry i came so late i had to one last time see you''. she gives me this puzzled look, shakes it off, and tell s me that we should talk in the morning as the night is short. '' the guest rooms in the house in the back if you don't mind.'' i nod and begin to follow her down the dark narrow hallway through the house that has no end. she set s me down and the walls are cracked, and chipping with the green paint that falls from the walls. as the light fictures set the room a buzz. the windows are glazed, and the furniture is set in a somewhat idiosyncratic pattern. a strange smell seems to emanate from the walls. from what i cant seem to tell from what form it came. the rug of a dead bear lay in the centre as if hibernating in the shackles of humanity. and in the back to the right lay the bedroom. i make my way over and turn the lights on. inside the room lay bare. a bed, simple side table, and the same cracks in the ceiling that i saw in the walls before. and a nights sleep right now might be the best thng for me. so i turn myself in. and as sleep comes over and the night grows dim.

rise up my mountains and raise the dead.

as i rise up the mountain the trees grow thick, and the sky goes black. the animals dance on the side of the road as the headlights stare out and over the pavement watching ever so subtle movements. and the shadows fall through the cracks of the oncoming light. the frost outside is taking bites of my windshield. and the smell is aggravating. as the city grows dim. the road ahead is going back and forth and thrown all over. my mind wanders in blank statements of unconscious death. and my palms sweat. as the heaters on. i turn the corner and the lights are off. so pulling in the driveway, i stop, open the door, and hear the crunch of the frost below my feet. the air hits me suddenly and begins to huddle against my chest. making it hard to breathe. up ahead the door is closed. the curtains drawn. and the moon is beautiful. i start up the stairs with a sigh in my chest, a step in my feet. and up ahead she's been dead for years. and years before.

at the end of the night, my hands are dead...

you want

love, that can't

be true.

my heart

is out, and

my hands are

through..

as your eyes

do glow,

(morning dew)

and my

life is over.

when i have

you.

driftawaymysleepless giant...

drift away my

ssleepless giant,

and find yourself

on a sea of silent...

(silence)

fog machine..-

and dance away,,

to the middle grey.

the hapless man

and the perfume cave.