Sunday, October 21, 2012

The hospital wallls are awash with sorrow/its been along time.

The white walls are washed with the lonely, sad faces that must leave with broken pieces. Inside each room all the beds are lined up against each other, with the curtains drawn. And the outside world is empty, and sullen. I remember sitting outside the room in this little waiting area, after school, to scared to go in. Fear apparently has the faces of many men, that pushes and pulls in each and every possible way. Later only realizing that it was the fear that drove you, and usually always in the wrong direction.
   The nurses were always just outside looking busy, staring at computer screens or sifting through the mountainess terrain of papers in front of them. I was never really quite sure where to avert the eyes. As I was young, confused, with glimmers of hope, or disbelief. The kids at school would always tease, make fun, and just not understand. As I guess because my emotions were intact an out in the open, although a little sloppy. As i was never quite sure what to say, or how to present myself.
   People sometimes surrounded me, although barely there. As I tried to hide, and push them away. Its a lonely place without understanding, with myself as well as others. I remember the last day, to scared to go in an too young to know any better. Regret,  as it seems,  is a mistress you apparently can't get rid of. Even if today, I still don't know quite how to understand. And I can't help but think what differences might be, if things would have went different.

No comments: