Friday, May 02, 2014

Expetimental pt.5/ The battle of the beasts, an the valley of the souls.

   Jules, unlike such others of her age, has never understood the dispassionate ideals of such young minds, to continually drink themselves to a stupor at every chance they come across.  Never understood the idea of only having fun when a drink is in hand, dancing upon tables, or generally regretting ones actions the morning after. Why bring yourself to such chaotic heights, in some delusional attempts at enjoying life, when all you're apparently doing is forgetting it. Just the idea of following such practices alludes her, as she has always wondered the mindset of such individuals. What happens to these people later on in life, an what is going through their heads when its happening in the first place. One would think that it would be a kind of popularity principle of some sort. A way to get in with the cool kids, or that their young adolescent lives aren't on the trajectory they wanted it to be. Jules herself, imagines it as an outreach, a reason to believe that one belongs, a confusion of youth that one must go through to becoming an adult. As in most cases it appears to grab hold of all walks of life at that age, a kind of singularity that gravitates those that bare to close. But Jules has always had that ability to over analyze things, to break certain instances down to their basic components to more understand them, but she does so in such a way that tends to get her lost in the mix of things, an can no longer see the big picture.
   Jules can still remember when she first found herself folded into such events, at this house party located just a few blocks from where she lives, at one of Alice's friends, which is how Jules got invited in the first place. The parents were out of town, so Sam, Alice's friend, decided it would be best to throw her own party, in hopes to get herself on the map with the popular crowd. Jules never really knew Sam all too well, she was one of those people that one hangs out with when only another specific friend is around. As every time they would be alone they only found but awkward silence. The house was of a modest size, but the main living room was like a sprawling field that seems to barely interconnect with the rest of the house. Upstairs, the hallways sneaks around like an anaconda on the trees of the rainforest. With each room a different door to the same broken universe. Most houses have a sort of chaotic nature to them, a mix of patterns from one room to the next, but Sam's is consistent throughout, making one feel as if in a loop from one room to the next, as if encircling the same room over an over, like the lost forest in the Legend of Zelda.
   The place is packed, with bodies moving up against each other like the sands on a beach being gently caressed by the rolling waves upon the shore. Even the music, which seems to have an ebb an flow, moves along with the crowd like a drop of water crawling down the side of ones cheek. As Jules begins to make her way around, she finds that each person is dressed with a glass filled to the brim with various an copious amounts of alcohol, an seeing that she has never truly felt the cold bitter taste of it upon her lips, begins to feel a small pit form in her stomach, as if all other eyes are on her. Jules, at this point, has never seen, nor experienced, the effects of alcohol on the body of a young mind, an so has no idea of the limit that one must adhere to, so as to not make more of a fool of oneself, especially of someone so new to such experiences. But as the night goes on, her inhibitions move out, an she can feel her mind turn fuzzy, an her body turn warm. Even to this day, Jules cannot remember the exact events that transpired that night, but from certain admissions the day after, she learned that she held herself in less than honorable regards. What she was told, was quite astonishing, at the very least from her perspective, as she has never held herself as such before. It was a little later at night, after the alcohol has already taken hold. There was this boy at school, named Nathaniel, that she was always quite taken by. An it just so happened that on this night they would find themselves in one of the rooms upstairs. They sat side by side on one of the couches in the family room, after everyone has left for greener pastures downstairs. An as they sat in silence, she could begin to feel the cold glare of his eyes, slowly followed by the cold embrace of his palm onto her lower back. As it happened, with the effects of the beer already taking full force, it felt like a dream, one that she had many times before.
   But as they lay on the couch, mangled togethor in a beautiful embrace, the door suddenly flew open, but as so, with their combined drunken stupor, forgot that the door was even there, let alone still unlocked.  An as Sam now stood at the door, mouth now agape in contradiction, she started to slowly steam, getting ever madder at the view she now possessed. Until finally erupting into a volcanic blow of words. Have you ever had that experience, when a certain event jumped you out of your current state, well Jules that night had such an experience. But as she snuck out the back, in shame, she knew it was already too late.
   Afterwards, understandably, these events would be all the rage at school the day after. Everytime she would enter those halls she could hear the hollow laughter been echoed off the walls, an the silent, barely audible mockery rummaging around her backside. Even her friends, would eventually turn there backs toward her in a unified mockery, all the while Nathaniel was somehow still praised an glorified as if he had just won the MVP from the school soccer team. Even to this day, after the events that transpired that night have all but faded, leaving only a fogged memory in the back of her mind, she still wonders, how the same event could give two people such different trajectories. What is it, in the mind of others, that give vastly distinct opinions on each individual under such similar circumstances. Is it the person itself, altering the events unto others, or is it just ones opinion beforehand towards each, like a choice that has been made prior to the actual engagement. Jules has always thought of the mind as a broken system that doesn't appear to need fixing, or a machine without instructions, deemed inevitable by humanity to be always used in a improper manner, like putting together a desk from IKEA, you're never quite positive if that is how its supposed to work. Or maybe its not humanity at all, maybe the system was broken when we got it, an evolution hasn't gotten around to fixing it yet. It could just be that the evolutionary track hasn't quite got us to our final form yet, we may be just a prototype in all senses of the word, a 1.0 if you will.
  It was only about a year or so later when Susan found herself in a quite similar predicament, as if the sands of time have quickly spun over, repeating itself, or like a broken record forever being looped into oblivion. As this type of thing seems to have a cycle of sorts, like the oncoming winds of winter, as every so often it has another young mind in its clutches. Another mind that distances itself from histories previous lessons, always jumping straight in, never attesting the fact that the water has been drained from the pool. An so being, one could not blame the feelings Jules would have towards her, as her feelings would express just that, a sudden disinterest in her arousing opinions on the subject, an no matter how Susan tried, she was always met with utter disdain. It was only about a week or so later, that Jules finally opened up enough to hear her side of things, an what Jules heard, was quite astonishing, as she never really seen things in such an opposite perspective before.
   Back before Daniel first met Jules, he was dating Susan. An throughout the course of there relationship, were very much on an off, so much so that it perplexed all that surrounded them, to the point that no one really knew on a day to day basis what their status actually was. An Jules, being out of the loop, had no idea.  Its a lot like schroedengers cat, you never really know if the cat is still alive, until you look in the box. When Jules first met Daniel, it was after another fight the two just had, an Daniel was out back in the smoke pit. Daniel wasn't the one to smoke on a regular, or even in a semi regular basis, but after awhile even he was beginning to see the strains of the relationship, as if the fog has at once subsided, letting in the warm rays of the sun. Even on that fateful day, Jules mood was someplace else, as was her focus. So it was much to her favor that she was not exactly paying attention to where she was going, as if being dragged by some omnipotent being of mythological origins. The smoke pit itself is like the back alley of the downtown eastside, one side is covered over by half dead trees, that only seem to grace the backyard of a seemingly abandoned house. On the other, is nothing but gravel, dirt covered walls, an a small cement siding that seemed to have risen up from the bowels of the earth. Its a place one would only suspect to find a select number of people, normally those of the smoking variety. Daniel, leaning up against the wall, shuffles the gravel around beneath his feet, while flicking the dead ashes into the air as they are gracefully swept onto the ground below. An as he flicks his butt off into the distance it curves ever so gently before dancing upon the gravel beneath Jules feet.
  "Oh! I am sorry, I didn't mean to get you like that." Daniel says, standing erect.
"No its quite alright, its hardly a flesh wound." She jokes.
"Its Jules isn't it? I believe we have English together, with Ms Robinson."
"Right, I think I remember you, you're the 'All things with welcoming hands' guy right?"
"Yeah that would be me! Pretty embarrassing huh! I don't usually do that type of thing, you know, all the poetry an
"That's too bad, it was quite beautiful, different than the usual dribble people bring in. How did it go again:
               Like knife
               Smears madly
               From who,
              An she says he
              Wants like void,
              But only
              I, want for how.
Or something to that order I believe."
"Wow! I must say, I am fairly impressed that you remembered that, it was a couple days ago!"
"Well I have always had a fair memory."
"Yeah well, still pretty impressive. So what are you doing back here anyways, doesn't seem like a place you would normally be seen in."
"I could say the same for you."
"Yeah! I am not usually a smoker, its just been a stressful few days."
"Anything you would care to talk about, maybe I could help, sometimes a difference of perspective is all one needs."
"I don't know, its just.. have you ever been in a relationship, where you've been completely blinded by the fact that its not as good as you previously thought."
"Oh! Yeah, an you wake up one morning an wonder why you haven't seen it the entire time."
"Exactly, I am just starting to think that its run its course, it just isn't fun anymore. Actually, its been like that for some time, I am just realizing now though."
"Well it sounds like you need to figure things out, see if this relationship is worth fixing or not, I am sure if you talk to her, she would want to do the same. Being an outside observer as I am, I couldn't really justify sitting here an saying you should break it off, as I am not apart of this, but either way, I think talking to her would most certainly help, you can't fix your relationship when one is in the dark about what needs fixing."
"That's a good point, thanks for the advice."
"No problem, glad I could help. An if you ever need anything, you know where to find me." After that day, they started to see more an more of each other, at first it began as just friends, hanging out at various locales around town. It was a comfort to them both, for Daniel it was time away from his failing relationship, that he himself refused to fix, despite the advice given by Jules. An for her it was a door into the world of popularity. She quickly found that just being seen with Daniel raised her up in the social order. The girls that at one time were mean, no longer looked her way in contempt, an the boys now watched her contently from a far.
  All this changed one night, as he drove her home, it was dark out, an the lights of the city sparkled in the night sky. An the falling rain danced upon the roof of his car in tune with the radio. It started out innocent enough, a spark, a miscommunication, a relapse of judgement. Which turned out to be the start of something, something either of them knew that they had with in them. Like the flooding waters from a broken damn, that all started with a kiss.

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