Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Experimental pt.1/I can still feel you, like the air that passes through my lungs.
As Daniel looks over the ledge onto the underlying trees, like lily pads on a small pond, it serves to remind him of the very pond he took Jules for the first time. There was this small cut off section from the downtown core, in the Chinatown district, like a hidden oasis in the middle of a desert. It was the first time they found themselves together, an the warmth of her palm upon his own, is the one thing that strangely sticks out the most, like stepping onto a sandy beach for the first time, an feeling the sand as it attempts to encompass your naked feet.
It was at that moment, he recollects, that he knew, that fate was not something primarily regulated to the outskirts of society. But as Daniel stood there, hunched over the patio ledge, with a gentle breeze slightly tickling the nape of his neck, he knew that all was not how he wanted it to appear. As not too long before he found himself out here, a few days prior to be precise, is when things went exorbitantly wrong. Even now, fresh in his mind, he is still at odds to put it into words, Like two entangled particles, even if you saw it happen, you would be utterly confused on the exact details of what went on.
"Is everything alright." His mom calls out, while trying as she might to quietly open the patio door.
"Yeah, everything is fine." Daniel answers in a somber voice.
"Are you sure." She responds, now leaning upon the rail beside him." A mother always knows." As Daniel looks out over the darkened expanse, he can see the slight breeze gently caress the branches of the trees, that notably give way to slight details that he hadn't noticed before. A nest, slightly below the hood of the trees, an owl, perched upon a lonely branch, as the echoes of his call fill the forest, like the waves on a small pond. Even the slight rustling of bushes beneath, sounding as though someone is trying to open a candy wrapper in quiet room. Noticing this, a thought dawns on him, as though springing forth from the empty nether regions of his own mind, or the parting of clouds on a clear sunny day. That maybe, like the trees before him, he is looking at things from too far away, an has yet to notice the minute details.
"Its just that sometimes." He sighs." I feel as though I am in a dark room, feeling around for the light switch. No matter what I might do, I am more than likely going to stub my toe at some point in time."
"Well its not the fact that you stubbed your toe, its the reaction you establish
An interesting thought, an one that Daniel has never quite minded before. Being that it is not the mere fact that the mistake has been made, just more so the idea of the events that follow, the immediate reaction that persists said events.
"So you're saying that my reaction wasn't the popular one, so to say."
"Well I don't know exactly what happened, but I do know that, more than likely, you could have handled it in a more proper fashion."
The moon is out, hanging in the sky as if held up by strings. As though its watching over us, like a deity of old, taking notes for judgement. Everytime Daniel looks up, upon the sky, the stars, an the moon, he realizes how insignificant he is, compared to the cosmos he is but a dot, a grain of sand on the shores of a beach. It always happens to give him a perspective on any problems that might arise, seeing that no matter what, the stars will continue to shine, and the moon will continue to be held up in the night sky.
"So I guess I may have some apologizing to do."
"Its never a bad thing to admit you were wrong, its a sign of growth, maturity."
"Yeah, I guess, I guess."
Jules lives down in the valley, by the river, that cuts through the land like a knife. Its basically the outskirts of the city, big yards, fresh air, an every pet conceivable running around like wild animals. There is one road that makes its way down to where she lives, just to the left of the river, an all the houses that line up beside it. Most of the houses are of the vintage variety, mostly from the seventies, with a few thrown in from the 1950's. All of them have wooden siding, with paint chips, an dead lawns. Patios are most prominent on the majority of houses, not at all like the newer ones you find upwards in the city. Jules house sticks out though, the yard is big, groomed, an clean of most the debris, minus a few lawn ornaments that teeter on the edge of falling flat upon the dark green grass. There is a big, beautiful patio out front, adorned by all types of flowers, shrubs, an small trees.
An as Daniel knocks on the door, he can hear a slight low thud reverberate through the house, like how one's voice echoes over a canyon.
"Daniel! what are you doing here?" Jules says in a confused tone.
"I know its late Jules, an I am sorry, but I couldn't leave things the way they were."
"You shouldn't be here Daniel, you shouldn't have come."
"I just want things to go back the way they were, whatever needs to be done for that to happen, I am willing to do.. I love you.. don't you still love me?" There is a slight pause while Daniel says this, as Jules looks back upon the house, as though in anticipation.
"What's going on?" Daniel asks, quite perplexed.
"I am sorry Daniel, but you're too late. I didn't mean for you to find out this way." At that moment, Daniel notices a silhouette appear behind her, like a specter revealing itself in a haze of smoke. Its a man, one that he has never seen before, he is wearing a pair of blue jeans, with an unkempt shirt, as if it was put on in a hurry. Its at that moment he remembers the moon, back home, hanging above the trees. He realizes that the moon is much like a reflection on a pond, it eventually gets canceled out, by the noise of falling rocks, or the passing of time. An he realizes that it is him, in fact, that is the moon, an not Jules like he would have otherwise thought.
Back home, in the living room, Daniel stares off into the darkness, like a void in reality that happened to pop up in his bedroom. He always knew that there was something wrong, something that needed to be fixed. But he never before thought it would ever come down to this. Daniel, for the first time, can feel a surging pain suddenly erupt from the pits of his stomach. As though a small hole suddenly formed, gradually growing ever bigger, like a collapsed star eating its way through its very being. An seeing that Daniel has never before felt an anger such as this, he is at a loss as how exactly to expose of his new found counterpart, its as though its taken on a form of its own, like a rogue wave that has sprung forth from an otherwise calm sea.
That night Daniel dreams of being in a deep forest, its as though he is encompassed by it, as if it presently sprung forth from each step he has taken. The hood of the trees only allow a sporadic downfall of the night sky which in turn gives the brush a stain glassed pattern to it. As he begins to walk, he can hear the crunch of the undergrowth cold beneath his feet, an the branches of the trees bearing down, smothering him, like a unmitigated embrace of an overbearing aunt. An it only seems to become thicker, almost reaching down into him, until up ahead a clearing becomes slightly visible like a mirage on a hot humid day. Suddenly the hood of the trees open up, allowing the eerie glow of the moon to make its way onto the cold shoulders of Daniel, showering him with a minute sense of hope. Before disappearing restlessly into the night, as the clearing slowly closes down upon him.
"Daniel! Daniel.. wake up, the phone, its for you!"
"What!." Daniel sleepily asks." Who is it?"
"Its Jules, she wants to talk to you."
"Well I don't want to talk to her, just tell her I am sleeping."
"Come on Daniel, I think you should take this, it might be good news."
"Fine fine, I will be right there." Still a little shaken, Daniel slumbers up off the bed, still thinking about the strange events that happened upon him last night. I wonder what it all meant, he thinks. It was like a sudden lack of oxygen, that took hold of my lungs. Daniel has never really felt such dread before, even now, when he thinks about it, knowing that it was all a dream, he still shivers. It was like a giant hand hovering over him, crushing him at a moments notice.
"Hello Jules." Daniel whispers." What's going on, I am quite busy so.." he trails off, quite uninterested.
"Oh.. okay, well I will try to be quick. I just." She breaks." I just wanted to say that I am sorry for last night, I didn't know you would show up like you did."
"Well that is beside the point, my whereabouts shouldn't, an does not, exclude the fact that you were with another man!. If you didn't want to be with me, you could of at least told me, it would have been the proper thing to do." Daniel pauses, an calms his nerves, as he can begin to once more feel that anger rise up from the pit of his stomach." But.. its no matter now, I guess." Daniel, now hearing Jules sobbing cries over the phone, is somewhat taken back. He has never been all too good at consoling a crying woman, an even so, he is bereft of if he even should.
"Jules." Daniel says in a muffled voice." What do you want me to do exactly, you cheated on me remember, why are you crying?" As he says this, he can immediately feel the distaste in his mouth, like the abnormal aftertaste one gets from a less than ordeal pint of beer. As he now realizes that he is between two enclosing walls, on one hand Jules, was with another man, an on the other, he cannot deny the fact that he still has feelings for her.
Still being a fairly young man, Daniel has never been met with something so adult as this, its like being pushed over a cliff. He now feels as if his young hopeful self is now lost, as though he left it behind like a snake shedding his skin.
"I am so sorry Daniel," she says still sobbing," it was a mistake, I was angry, stupid! Please don't let it end like this, I didn't mean for this to happen."
"I just.. I can't Jules, I just can't, not anymore, I am sorry."
The sun outside illuminates the grass like broken glass upon a beach. An the clouds are sporadic streaks across the sky eventually fading out in a whimpering gasp. There is but a lonely tree in the front yard, a singularity upon an otherwise open area. Its branches extend out as if its reaching out for a loved one barely outside of its grasp.
"I am sorry to hear about you an Jules."
"Yeah, me too." Daniel says." Me too."
"So what are you going to do now."
"I am not going to do anything, as there is nothing really to do, she made her choices, an I can't change that."
"Well whatever you decide is good by me, but.. you know you can't deny your feelings forever."
"I know mom, I know."