chapter two;Things get a little, ( pause for effect) stranger.

He leans in a little closer now, putting out his cigarette underneath the table, with his shoe, I suppose. " Listen closely Mr. Conner's, because things are about to get a little, strange. But you can think of me as a kind of police force, if you will". The diner now is starting to fill up a bit more, for the early afternoon rush. Outside the rain still falls, making those sweet sounds of patter against the window, and people all cover themselves over as if the rain just might be toxic." A police force?". I ask repeating." What government are you under". He gives a little chuckle, but his lips do not move at all. " Government?, Mr. Conner's. No, we are of no government. In fact, we are not of this". Another short pause, acting as if he might be reciting Shakespeare or something." As you might say, plane of existence. If you want to call it that". I lean back in my seat now, with a slight smile. This man must be crazy, some kook from outside with a schizophrenic disorder. I don't know, maybe he gets his kicks off making others the fool. " What is this, some kind of joke or something, do you really think I am going to fall for this?" The waitress comes by and cleans up the table, plates and what not. We both go silent, and I order another coffee. " I see Mr. Conner's, I see. I predicted this event would come about. For you see, you are blinded. Narrowly going through life never fully realizing the veil that covers you". His voice is almost ominous now, as his eyes are all but serious . " There are other things beyond certain doors Mr. Conner's, between the holes in the fabric of space, that you could not possible realize". He leans back now, with arms on the table, lighting up another cigarette, almost as if the place has gone dark and we are all trying to find our way. " So, what exactly are you saying here? What, am I in the matrix or something?" I give off a slight laugh, waving my hands in a general area. His expression on the other hand, does not seem to change, but nonetheless, somehow doesn't seem amused. "No Mr. Conner's, no. I think you people watch to many movies. Which you must realize, is not exactly accurate, Mr. Conner's". The place is filling up now, and the noise from others are starting to overcome. He does a short scan of the surrounding environment, puffing away as the smoke rises and slowly disappears. Where?, I am not sure. " So Mr. Conner's, I ask you again, you need to come with me".

Chapter one:For all I know, you could be anybody.

The diner is empty, and as I sit by the window with my coffee and half eaten plate of eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns. A man suddenly walks in, wearing a grey suit straight out of a thirties cop movie, fedora and all. I don't pay much attention. Until he continues over and begins to sit next to me. His face is expressionless, with no real features to say of. If I had to describe him to somebody, I would probably be at a loss. He lights up a cigerette, but no one seems to care. " How are you, mister conners?" He asks in a quite non-descript voice. " I have come here today with some news". He pauses for about ten or so seconds, puffing away. " I think you should hear". Usually when a strange man sits next to me, I would be suspicious, I mean who wouldn't. But for some reason unknown. I remain calm, trusting him for no apparent reason. To a certain extent anyways. " How do you know who I am?". I ask while finishing up my coffee. " I know a lot about you mr. Conners, but right now that is not important". The waitress once more comes around and pours some more coffee. I add two milks and four spoons of sugar, taking a sip to test how hot it might be." I have to say, at this moment in time, it seems fairly important". He cracks a wry smile." Maybe so, maybe so. But all in do time mr. Conners, all in due time. First I think you might have to come with me, there is something that you, need to know". He looks at me with those dead eyes, and featureless features. I am staring at him right now, and still having a hard time remembering what he looks like. " You don't really expect me to drop everything, and come willingly, do you. For all I know, you could be anybody". And he laughs, just a little." Okay Mr. Conners, okay". I find he has a certain tendency to repeat himself, as if either one of us is not quite understanding what he's saying." But remember this, this is for your ears only, and you tell no one".

As you come, (but) slower...

She leave
Like lust,

And love
Like over,

"As I
Show need."

And togethor
We must

As you come,
(But) slower.

A time to breathe?

Or a time of not,
But what,

           Does she?

The boarded room( I am wooden shingle.)

Help,
With -
deathh, as over

Andsaid
With
Joy

(Whatever)

But did he?
He did,?

But did
Not.

Moving slowly,.

As was
But once
And noww
so,,

Disconnected
Dis-connect,
Time machine.

And have we,
Have long
A time ago,

Maybe?, or
Maybe so..

But not,
But maybe after.

Let the mountains rise up/let the waters take over..

The city turns to suburbs, as the suburbs turn to farms. Slowly allowing the forest and the trees to take over. As the mountains rise up out of the ground as if by accident. " Are you hungry?". I ask, almost in mid-thought. She looks up with puzzlement, that gives way to a moment of silence. " I could go for something". We are about an hour and a half away now, just outside of hope, on our way to her cabin by lac la jeune. The sun outside beats down upon the road spreading its wings as it passes through the windshield, and the clouds up ahead are starting to gather. " There's a tims in town?". Asking outloud. And she slowly cracks a little smile." Yeah, okay, I could go for that". I take the next exit and head into town, the trees slowly dissipate and part ways allowing room for the buildings, cars and whatever else. Little shops line the streets, like soldiers preparing for battle, that end off usually with a gas station or some mom and pops restaurant. And next to the gas station to the left lies the tim hortons. Inside, we get our usual ( breakfast sandwich with bacon, hash brown, and a coffee) and take a seat by the window." So how long do you think we have?". Asking as she stirs her coffee. " You mean till we get there?". I say aloud, thinking to myself. "Yeah". She answers in this high type voice, as if the word has lost all meaning, or someone just did the hiemlich on her and it just suddenly shot out. " Oh,I don't know". I tell her, pausing sufficiently enough to seem as though, I might be calculating it in my head. " I would have to say about two hours and we should be pulling up". The crowd in here is now starting to multiply, and the line up is now almost out the door. Its warm outside, and I can feel the warmth coming through the windows. The mountains are in plain view, and you can see the clouds litter the sky every once in a while. " Do you think you might want to stop in merrit as per usual?". Every time we come up this way we stop in merrit. About half way to kamloops, three quarters the way to her cabin. Its become a kind of ritual as it may. There's this triple O's in town she likes. She thinks about this for a second and eventually shrugs her shoulders." I don't know, let's see once we get there. It should be lunch by than anyhow". I smile at this, nodding my head while simultaneously drinking my coffee. Afterwards we get up and try to find our way outside, as if passing through the labyrinth of the gods waiting for the minotaur at the end. And the radio plays godspeed you black emperor, as the strings slowly ascend to chaos with field recordings bursting out in between every once in awhile. I love driving down the highway in the middle of nowhere. You get to the point of believing the apocalypse might have happened as just at that point you hit some small town city somewhere. After about a hour or so, though, of driving, the earth begins to crack open forming valleys below. Grassy fields rise up as all the trees slowly dissipate and disappear, while over the cliff up ahead I can now see the inklings of society almost like it has been lost for centuries. A small town literally in the middle of nowhere. " Do you want to stop here, or just make our way through. We aren't too far off now, so?". I end kind of trailing off mid thought. As she sits for a minute, acting as if she never heard me.

Alternate ending/Amibreathingheavy

And
Can I,..
(Of all things)

Think of what
And What
Brings.

In love,
sorrow,

And the
Meaningof
Mustt

Soafterr,
Run will spring

staring out/an eternal breath

Drool,
Said him.

Between
What has,

Of who,

Like aches
They say

With bare
Where blue.

And for
For not,

And not, but
Who.

I hear the cracks in the floor whispering your name.

Empty eyes,
With above,

Behind.

From open arms,
Up close, beside.

To have not,
But what.

And why?

there's sorrow in here eyes

There's a sorrow in her eyes, a wrinkle in her breath. And an almost contempt arises from the air surrounding her. " Its cold in here". She says as she huddles across from me. Drinking hot water with a touch of lemon, she carefully presses the cup against her lips in preparation for the warming sensation that arises gently there after. " I guess". I mumble, pretending to look around for something, I don't know. The place is crowded, waitresses run back and forth stretching themselves out at every opportunity." Are you coming over afterwards". looking at me with confused eyes, and thinking about it for a second. She quickly responds." No, not today. I would much rather have a good nights sleep". I am never really sure what this means, as she has used this excuse times before. I give off a deep silent sigh, and relinquish the fact that this has been an ongoing problem as of late. Having left things unsaid, I know full well its part my fault. " You don't mind, do you?". " No, no, of course not. Why would I mind?". I can see our waiter off in the distance heading our way with arms full. I ordered the flat iron steak, she the garlic mashed potatoes with a mushroom chicken. Small talk ensues for the entirety of the rest of dinner. The waiter walks over takes the empty plates as I ask for the check. Outside the rain comes down, making the city covered in a glossy sheen. Afterwards, Sitting in front of her house, she gathers her things in preparation." You sure you don't mind right?". I smile slightly while just outside the sidewalks are left empty, and her house is left black except for one lonely light left on in the basement obstructed by bushes and limped out flowers. " There's always next week". Knowing full well what's written in stone. Making my way home, the streets are dull. I light up a cigarette even though I quit over two years ago. " Its okay". I think to myself. " Every once in awhile won't hurt". Inside the house I turn on the lights, take off my shoes and jacket, and find myself at the couch, watching a bit of TV. I go over the conversation at dinner a few more times in my head, still not knowing the meaning of the words she happily committed to. I do this for about fifteen minutes not paying attention to what may be going on on the television. Deciding to end it at that though, I go to the fridge to make a vodka cran. People are but a funny, confusing bunch. Like a bee caught in a torrent of rain, thinking only of getting to cover at once, only later realizing who or what they may have left behind.

i saw the sun briefly through the clouds

I saw the sun briefly through the clouds, trying to force its way through to its inherent destination. As I sit here underneath the trees watching the leaves sway while they eventually fall, and crumble. And the grasss moves in all directions as the wind gently strokes its hair. The trees all out stretch like the arms of an octopus, or a man with a thousand fingers. While the clouds all pass through making there way, to some town over the horizon, never quite stopping to pay a visit.

Another wayy of sayingg..

She said to me with a smile, and a crackle to her voice. " Where have you been lately". I looked at her with apparent disposition, " around, I have been around".
The place was empty, with pockets of noise coming from some unknown directions, and I can almost see her mouth mimic the words she's about to mutter." You haven't called me lately, I wonder why that is?". almost muttering to herself." I have been busy". And with that she looks at me like she's trying to deduce some mathematical equation, pausing between each sentence almost like she's catching her breath. The place is dark, with the corners of the bar almost unbearably so. The fans whir, and the bartender wipes down the bar trying to keep busy. " Its slow tonight, for a day like today". She looks around quite uninterested, as if she's scanning the pages of a text book. " I guess". Pausing in between with apparent uncertainty. " Your not answering the question, what is the reason for that". Talking like she has no inner dialogue, she tends to speak as if thinking to herself. And the sounds of her voice seem to crack under the pressure of thought. Her eyes are on the verge of death, and I know I should do what I came here for. " Nothing, its nothing, why don't we get out of here, grab a bite to eat". A smile wraps around here face, that seems to even surprise herself. Outside the rain is coming down, and I have found myself in this spot before. Never quite allowing to bring myself to it. I lend her my jacket, and we make our way down the street. The light falls down from the lamps above. And the buildings are silhouettes aspiring to reach to heaven.

Into the murky depths/pulling myself apart from different directions.

In the office the next day the fog has rolled in, surrounding my desk. With a dense forest cutting me off from the rest of the world, I can almost hear the birds chirping in the background distracting me from the job ahead. And everyone is busy being self-absorbed, only making little small talk when they pass by someone. Usually a quick hello or a ceremoniously head nod in which seems to mean I am too damn busy to open my mouth to create a sound of greeting. People are such funny creatures, they don't really tend to make much sense as a whole, even to themselves I suppose. Taking my break at the same time I normally do, I really don't feel like going downstairs to the usual spot, but I force myself anyway. In the coffee shop the tables are oddly empty, with only a few patrons peppering the land. I order my usual and take a seat in front just left of the door. I like to look out the window and watch the world go bye. And as I am off in my own little world I don't notice gail walk in and continue to sit beside me. I look over quite puzzled and quickly surmise that our relationship must have bounded back to its original state. She sits there, in silence for a time. I continue on with my coffee and such trying not to push. Eventually she looks up at me with a awkward smile, she begins telling how this is not how she intended this, and how she never really thought of me in that way, instead feeling pity for me, and stuff like that. Keeping it quick and to the point, gail ends it by saying she is dating someone else in the office now. She doesn't tell me his name before disappearing off into the street, but I guess it doesn't matter. I can suddenly feel the people closing in on me, waiting for what I may do next. Watching intently. I shove my head to the ground and race outside careful as to not see what others may be doing. Feeling my chest tighten its grip on me, I just need a breather. As I begin to calm a bit I start to wonder what exactly happened in there. I thought for sure luck was this time on my hands. As the wave of emotion begins to hit I take a deep breath and swallow, as I make my way upstairs back to my desk. Everyone is quiet now, as if I found myself suddenly in some silent movie. The office feels a little more lonely, don't know why, me and gail never really had a relationship in the first place. But hope is something I apparently have in spades. The day ends in quite uncomfort, my house is cold and the television sits not being watched. I end up falling asleep on the couch with the warm fuzz of the tv echoing out slowly waking me from my sleep.

Driving down the highway waiting to disappear.

The clouds up ahead act as mountains, towering above the sky in pillars of white. Coalescing, en twining and rising up out of the curvature of the earth. As the road up ahead slowly disappears into a singular point, and the sounds of cars move back and forth, in and out of existence. And my eyes try to push themselves back to sleep. while the grips of my hands gently slip from the steering wheel, I wake myself up with coffee, and cigerettess. As the rain continues to fall down onto the roof of the car, like the sound thousands all running at once, in the same direction. All the while we slowly disappear, into a singular point..

Roaming through the forest of old,( as god? intended)

And into the murky depthss. As the water rises slowly up over my knees. I notice many eye'ss peaking above the water, watching me, choking me, telling me to head back. This is not the way I want to go, they say. And the water seems to be pushing back upon me the farther I find myself now. The trees are getting thicker, and shadows do scurry across the proverbial landscape. There's dry land in site, just up ahead. Appearing as a almost mirage as it makes its way through the forest into the pupils of my eyes. But my heart does as well tell me to head back, that the road is dangerous, and lonely. Doesn't all men though eventually fight off fear, and envy, of other roads that might be traveled. And the water is getting deeper now, as it attempts to climb up above my chest. So I might as well push on, to see what lies ahead.

untitled an unsure..

In the Grips,

Of the daze,
Of days.

As it
Begs.
begins.

And starts off
in wavves,

Of Boredom.
And inconsistencies.

As my eyes
Do drift,

From
The very
Notion..

That each morning brings.
...

And for my heart is being once again freed, from this fleshy silence. And in grain toenails.//

The days seem shorter now, and the pains of reasonable doubt have shuffled off into the murky depths of distant memories, only every once in awhile coming up for air. And I can't remember the last time I felt like this, its oddly unnerving though. But I think I can get used to it nonetheless. And I am already here at work sitting at my desk, with a busy morning behind me of meticously grooming myself trying to look my best. Me and gail have been doing this at work now for about a week. I have been driving myself crazy all morning figuring out if I should ask her out on a real date or not. And as the first break of the day rolls in a strange occurrence happens as we are downstairs across the street having our coffees. She talks. And at length, at least compared to earlier versions of our conversations anyhow. Speaking of life, family and nondescript memories of gone past, she takes long breaks in between without actually saying that much in the first place. She's very poignant and to the point, careful about whatever she says and also stopping herself from saying to much. Fragments here and there as if she hasn't gotten used to the protocols of everyday conversations. Finally I stumble across the actions of asking her out, and she stops almost mid thought giving this look as if she is trying to solve some difficult math problem. She comes back repeating my words while asking if I mean a real date.
I answer with a yes, and she looks at me with some confused eyes, peeking at her watch while agitatingly bringing out that we must go back to work. I got to say I am a bit disappointed at this but its nothing that's all that new. So I give off a deep sigh and follow her upstairs back to work. The rest of the day is slow paced and depressing, everyone here seems to walk in slow motion as I myself is somehow outside of that bubble. I can feel more of a cast out now, watching the villagers, pray, dance, and love as they hop around the proverbial fire. I get more work done now though then normally, as I try to avert my eyes from scanning certain surrounding areas. As lunch comes around I don't have the energy to drag my knuckles outside, so I stay in at my desk while grabbing a few things in from the vending machine in the lunch room. I see that gail is not at her desk, more likely meaning she went to lunch downstairs I am guessing at least. And its quiet in a room full of no people. I should have known this was coming, pushing to hard against surfaces that aren't really there to begin with. The day finally ends dragging its heels against the cold floor. I start picking, and putting away my things as gail in the background does the same. But as I am ready to go I pretend to be busy just so I don't have to pass her by. She is only over ten feet away and I miss her already. As cracks in the floors open up bringing about caverns with broken and fallen bridges peppering the land. And I guess its time to make my way home. I don't think she lives that far from here, as every now and again I can see her walk home in the opposite direction of me. In life and reality the same birds do always sing, and all the buildings appear as ghostly apparitions watching my every movement as if in preparation to pounce. And the people who still walk the streets are but shadows of once past. And at home I can't seem to sit still, pacing back and forth wearing out the carpet behind the couch in the living room as david letterman yells through the tv. I try to sit down but the events of the day keep running around my head,bouncing off my cavern walls giving me a headache. And I can't help but not fall asleep. Trying to calm my nerves I go to the kitchen to make myself a midnight snack, a peanut butter jam sandwich and some grape juice. I sit on the couch staring at the tv trying to forget the actions of the day. Letterman is his usual self, pointlessly funny. His guest today is woody harrelson from some upcoming movie I had no idea about. And finally after about a hour or so at home I feel my eyes start to drift off in the numbness of the unconscious mind. And so it is as I find myself fallen asleep on the couch with the tv on, as I have done once or twice before.

There's nothing else left for me, so I might as well just stand here/the city she's beautiful when u might as well not even be here

The rest of the day is a slow mess of nerves and dancing fingers. I try to not let myself look over in desperation. Being forever glued to my desk in a sort of self served tunnel vision. She must think I am crazy, always trying to talk myself into not making a complete fool after that in some misinterpreted attempt at happiness. At the end of the day I pack the few things from home and walk downstairs out the door. The city now is dark with a thousand glowing eyes hovering over the streets as if the stars are slowly descending. All the shops are closed or closing, and people still clumsily wander the street looking for the next attempt to lose there ability for good judgment. Reaching my house all is black, so I open the door and immediately turn on the lights in the living room. I put my things back into there little compartments and take my self away on the couch watching TV. I do the same thing pretty much each night, letterman and the daily show. The lights of the TV encompass the room and act as almost strobe lights I would imagine for anyone watching from the outside through the windows. The silence penetrates the room every time I mute the television, and the darkness moves around the room getting ready to pounce when the lights go out. The next morning I get up with the light coming through the window in between the blinds. I get up and make coffee than watch random crap on tv. Everyday is pretty much the same for me. From morning to afternoon and night. A creature of habit you might say. But when you have no friends to speak of there's really no other choice. I get a early start to work this morning and the streets are crowded, after a quick stop for coffee I make my way trying to push myself through the crowds to get myself to work. People walking in the streets blocking traffic as horns are blaring from every direction confusing the ears. I don't own a car and this is precisely why. Walking into the building I see the two twins through the mess of people trying to talk to multiple men and woman all at once. The wait for the elevator is now unreasonable so I head off up and out of the stairs. As I pass gail heading to my desk I give a quick smile and a good morning. She looks up an bares her teeth in a grin and says the same. She has never said that to me before, I wonder if I made a impression the other day, and with that my mind starts to unravel with loosely based possibilities. In the back though, I know I should let things be and move on, how many times have I been in a situation like this and it always turns out wrong. I am not the one to learn from past mistakes apparently. But this lonely life of the ridiculed man needs to come to an end. I am tired of being tired. Every night staring at the box living life through the many images of hugh, sandra bullock and many more like them. For the next hour or so the sweat on my brow pools and coalesces, periodically storming through the castle walls watering down my eyes. Making me every now and than wipe them down with my sleeve. As I am about to get ready to go out for a coffee an unexpected thing happens, and I find gail standing before me smiling a very slight smile. She looks down as she plays with her fingers nervously not really making eye contact. Seeing the bewildered agitations of sweat she hands me a handkerchief and continues to ask if I just might be going down for coffee. As she speaks the words they appear almost broken and unsure as if she can hardly believe them herself. I look up at her and after a short pause finally let out a distant and confused yes. She asks if I will join her and I agree, the walk downstairs is somewhat quiet and perplexing at the same time. I ask about her day, she gives me a quick yet assertive good so far. And I complement her on her looks today and she gets a little red in the cheeks and thanks me. As much as I hate to admit it though, this whole think reeks of ulterior motives, or I may just be paranoid. I can't help but be so confused right now. We get our coffees and take a seat by the window, she gets a muffin while I a scone. And its almost comforting sitting here in silence. I continue in little tidbits of small talk in which I am just a tad more successful than yesterday. She answers everynow and than with the typical nod or bairly visible yes or okay. After awhile though I just kind of give into the silence and enjoy her company . It goes like this day in an out for a few, I will talk a little each day telling her about myself eventually just doing the same and being silent for the most part never quite knowing where she's coming from or why she asks for my company each day. But those moments we have that I begin to look forward to do start clouding over my mind from the rest of my duties each day. I try to be at my best though,opening doors, pulling out chairs and trying to be complimentary without going overboard. And life starts to do a surprising thing, as everything around me begins to gradually fade and move away bringing about a little bit of happiness into this world torn soul.

Happiness is an ill attempt at self satisfaction-I die a little inside each day...(part 4)

Half way through the day I am out to lunch, but I find it more comforting to stay in and marvel at the emptiness inside. I look across my desk and a thought passes my mind that maybe I should clean myself up, in a weird attempt that maybe it will do some good. As I begin to organize my papers and such I see out of the corner of my eye that gail still sits at her desk just like me eating her lunch. Her eyes graze across mine and it reveals a slight smile that makes me wonder what quite is going on. Was she smiling at me or the notion that I am busy scrubbing my desk clean. As I do find myself doing ridiculous things each day seeing that I found myself in the bathroom combing my hair in front of the mirror just now. I go about this almost everyday in a ill attempt at nothing else but stupidity. Back at my desk I finish up cleaning, organizing and making everything pine fresh. I sit down quietly as only a few stragglers are still making there way around the office, usually the ones who started early or eat here somewhat like me. So sitting here quietly, finishing up my lunch, while trying to look my best periodically looking over to see if she might notice. And the worlds a messed up place I might say so myself. How awkward it is or making it do be to do something as simple as walk over and ask her out to a drink of some sorts. And there might as well be two walls a country and the deepest ocean between us, and with that thought the rest of civilization. Like a mother that gives her child up for adoption, unwanted and unrecognized. Society it seems has a blind eye. But It could be worse, at least I am not on the street. I am not at all a personable person, never knew how to approach others and make friends. The length of my hair makes people think I might be dirty or some tree hugging hippie. I don't know, either or I have succumbed to my fate a few years ago, but with a inkling of hope rising up out of me every now and then. Deep down though all I really want/need is someone by my side to wake up to each morning. It gets lonely at night when your heart is only but one half of a full heart. But enough already of that. For the rest of the day up until my last break I am nervous/paranoid to get up and do anything. This time I get up and head on downstairs to the streets of man across the road to this little coffee shop. I usually don't drink coffee this late in the day but I feel tired, bored, and my legs are sore from sitting so long. Inside I stand in line not really paying to much attention to my surroundings. I order a regular coffee and a pastry and make an attempt to find a seat. But in my surprise it all seems to be taken, except this little two seat table in the back left by the window. The window faces the back alley with this giant weird mural of a blackened cityscape with the red of the sky burrowing over it. A faint figure in white towers over with arms outstretched almost hugging the city in what appears to be some kind of condolence. A prediction of what may come perhaps, or just a overzealous religious man who takes the bible a little to literal. And at that I can feel a presence watching over me as I just than hear this voice call out, "excuse me." I look up as my jaw almost bumps itself upon the table, its gail the girl from the office. She asks me if she can sit down as all the tables are now taken. I tell her it would be my pleasure as my hands can't stop from shaking. I manage to painstakingly get out a how are you doing today, that must have felt awkward and a little creepy as it surpassed the table and met her ears. She looked at me and gave a quiet yet quick okay. I guess maybe she doesn't just like talking, or maybe its me. A five minute pause passes by and I can hear all the words that make up the conversations from the people that surround me. They all move around the room and finally coalese and join each other to make phrases and such that don't make really any sense. Finally I give out a slow sigh and tell her that if she doesn't want to talk it doesn't bother me. She smiles softly and says that that isn't the case," i have never been the one for words". I know what you mean, I have always had trouble meeting people so I have just learned over the years to keep my mouth shut. I tell her this as I try as I might to not to stare. For the rest of the time we just sit there quietly enjoying our coffee and whatnot. And Its oddly comforting, as if we have known each other for years and are quite alright with some periods of silence. And my time here is almost done, as the shop slowly empties into the streets and we all wander our way back to work.

I want to live forever/ let's all die young/ or how I recently found myself disappearing.. (part 3)

nside, the muffled voices of the masses mix togethor to make a deafening noise of inconsistencies. But there's still a clear path to the front desk, surrounded by pillars, with chairs, tables and people alike just beyond that. And the two girls who sit there look oddly alike, short black haired ladies who might have just been ripped off by the two fairies of mothra, I don't remember seeing them before though, I don't see how I could have missed something like that as I have been here day in day out, but I shake it off as not paying attention and begin to move on my way. Everyday I take this elevator I believe that all the people are of the same likeness, long lost twins, brothers, or the exact same person from different timelines or dimensions. The walls here smell of sweat and wd40. Outside in the office on the 12th floor the lights are staring down unflinching watching all who pass. And I can't see myself in the windows as I make my way down the hall to my desk. I guess that's got to be some sort of sign. My desk now is way of to the back in the left hand corner, the proverbial desert of the twelfth floor. And it sits in ruin as the mess can almost make its way to the ground below. But I get the work done nontheless. Probably why they don't say anything, as they have never heard but a peep about a raise from me or otherwise. I am quite content at doing what's given and going home. The people are absent from about a block radius around my work station. And I can't help but feel like I want to be part of the team. I have tried some many times that have all but ended with failure. Office parties, birthdays, or just generally getting togethor for drinks afterwards. Like a virus people tend to cover there mouths when I happen to be around. I made peace with it quite sometime ago, or at least made them believe so. They have a way of looking right through me as if I am not there. Or a look of complete disgust as if they have just been approached by somekind of mutated animal. I am not quite sure how it all started, I just have a way with people. Its not like I am dirty or anything. I keep very good care of myself. I have to admit at giving up to some degree at some fairly recent point in time. But I still happen upon a shower each day, even if my work space says otherwise. But there's a woman here in the office who reminds me of me, and this story it has taken a quite interesting turn. And she does in the, I might add, sense she doesn't talk to too many people as well. I have tried to approach her at certain intervals throughout the days. Never know really what to say. Always finding my mouth crawling amongst the floor looking for verbal scraps of food. She is not the type of girl most guys go for, but for I am not most guys. Today she is wearing what appears to be a polyester skirt or dress that barely shows the top parts of the calves. On top of that lays a white button up that doesn't seem to fit that well covered by a dark green cardigan that is bound and determined to drown her beneath its bottomless waves of fabric. Even her body language proves shy. As everything she reaches for or perhaps does she stops herself half way in to think about the precautions and maybe consequences. And in all I think she's beautiful. As she glows in distant parts of the corner of my eyes. After some nervous quite laughter and multiple attempts at getting my hands to stop shaking. I get up to pretend to go past her desk way to the left opposite of the windows and the rooms full of supplies in which I will go into for no reason what's so ever. I try to keep my head up high and not watch the floor as I approach and find an odd smile run across my face as I say hello and make my way into small talk. I manage to ask about her day, but she just looks up as if forcing herself to do so and gives a subtle good and fine as she goes right back to her work and ignoring me just the same. And I stand there like a complete idiot, mumble some incoherent nervous nonsense and make my way out. As I turn on the computer it quietly whiirrs itself awake from its long slumber, and immediately shoves its light right into me choking my eyes shut but just for a second. I would peroidically find myself getting bored and strained from sitting here as well all day. So I started to take little micro walks to get my blood flowing once more and stretching the muscles that cramp and twist themselves like some lovelorn womanizing snake. That apparently gets a lot of tail. And the end of the day is still far outstretched. The hours pass at a slow moving crawl, and the people walk around in distant mumbles of a rumbling heart. After about a hour or two I lock up the computer screen and decide to make my way down to grab a quick snack. I find the girl, gail I believe her name is, not at her desk. She must have had the same thought I just had. As a smile makes its way upon me in the thought we might find each other once more. Across the street there is a vendor selling some hotdogs and such, you can get all sorts and variations. I have always been the one to get just mustard on mine. Boring people liking boring things, I imagine.

the easy way out of a nonexisting endingg

in the lonely life
Of trees..

And incandesant light bulbs.

And the spaces
Between death,
And life.

And somehow madness.

of how what beginsss.
An empty house.

a harmless grin..
The sounds of silence,,.

Of in what just did.