Untitled/unedited (chapters 1+2)

  "Aren't you ready yet? We need to get going". She calls out, from downstairs, like the call of a falcon as it prepares to dive for its prey.  She has been waiting for this for sometime, a night out. A night out with friends, family, and whoever else might show up. I, myself, don't look forward to these things as much as she does. Its like a strange ceremony, I just end up going through the motions like being in some boring roller coaster with no hills, I just keep on going round in circles. Not to say I don't enjoy their company, I am just not(or really have been for years now) a people person. When I was a kid, maybe, but that has long changed." Yeah". I tell her." I will be right down. We are going to this restaurant downtown called Kobe's, its a Japanese restaurant of sorts, were the chef is right in the middle of the table cooking. It always makes me nervous though, as I always feel like I should talk to the chef, but never have anything to say(the story of my life). On the drive there, I can start to see the streetlights flicker back to life from a long days sleep, as the water pounds itself onto the beach like the angry fists of God. Its nice out here at night, quiet, and calm, and devoid of most signs of life. We live about an hour outside the city, so there is not much nightlife out here, except for the cars that seem to wander around as if on their own accord.
  "You do remember how to get there, don't you?".
  "Of course, we have been there before".
  "Okay". She says." I am just remembering the last time".
  "The last time?". I ask." What last time are you referring".
  "The last time, you know, when we got lost on our way to my cousin's, we were an hour late".
  "That was like three months ago, how often are you planning on bringing this up exactly".
  "I don't want to fight okay, I just want to get their in peace". Our relationship has been a little on the rocky side of late, the only problem is I am not sure she realizes this fact. She has always been blissfully unaware of the relationship woes. Obviously though, its mostly my fault, I know I should bring things up, and I have at certain intervals throughout the years. But every time I have done so she really didn't seem to care, as nothing changed. So I just been conditioned, in a sense, to keep my mouth shut.
   Pulling up to the restaurant, I can immediately see the crowd of people surrounding the parking lot, like a murder of crows that are just there to piss everyone else off. As the cars that stroll through haplessly honk there horns into submission. I am never sure if people are just being idiots, or just blissfully unaware of what they are doing. When it comes my turn a few of them come towards my car tapping on the window like they're at the aquarium. I slightly nudge them, trying to teach them a lesson, that only proves to get me hit by my wife. As we eventually get out of the car, everyone yells out at once(although not synchronized) sounding like some choir who ends up singing different songs all at once. Every time we come out here and do this, which mind you isn't all that often, everyone acts as if they are meeting for the first time, like long lost brothers that just learned of each others existence.
"Frank! Judy! How have you two been, you didn't get lost did ya?".
"No". Judy says, reluctantly." Not this time, I made sure of that". She says giving me a little shove of the elbow, as if to say she's kidding. This is James, a friend of the families, his wife, Marie, stands over at the other end of this human oil spill talking to the general populace. They had some problems a while back, almost broke up, or did, I am not sure, there is seemingly a lot always going on in this little group of ours. He is a nice guy though, one of the few People I really don't mind talking to. Making our way into the place, I can hear all the schizophrenic voices surrounding me talking about everything from family relationships to sports and weather. Judy's voice, funnily enough, always breaks through. No matter what noises may be emanating from the surrounding area her voice is always audible. Even talking on the phone with her is like an Olympic event, you have to practically have the receiver in the next room so it doesn't blow your eardrums out. Inside, a sea of people bump and grind each other back and forth, like the rise and fall of the tides. This place is always busy though, which is surprising, seeing on how expensive it is.
"Hey Frank!". A voice calls out." You see the game last night?". I look over and find Pete, squeezing himself in between a crowd of people that is not apart of our group." No, no, I missed it. I was busy". He means the hockey game. He is a big Boston bruins fan, and he likes to bug me because I told him once I liked Vancouver. I am not really a big fan though, he is just one of those guys that thinks your kidding with stuff like that. Like the male ego has some pre-programming towards liking sports and things society deems manly. But I just go along, as with some people, its just plain useless to argue with them." You missed a good game my friend, a good game indeed".
"Oh yeah?". I say." I hears your team lost, must of been a great one than huh!"
  "Ha ha! Yeah, it was, it was". The crowd is now beginning to slowly disperse, as dinner time is about done. Usually when we all go out its normally after the societal norm, that way it's less busy. This place is set up almost like a apartment building, with downstairs being the lounge were all the awaiting customers sit in hopes of being called next. At the end of this room to the left is a circular stairwell painted black that goes to the eating area. Even the main area down here is set up in sanctions, with long black couches going parallel to each other from one side to the next. In the middle of the these (two sided) couches lay the plant life that seems to almost reach out at you like the tentacles of some mythical beast. It's a high class place, makes me feel woozy just walking in.
"They're calling our name honey, you ready?".
"Yeah, of course, lets go!". This man, dressed in mostly white, with the exception of a blue shirt, guides us upstairs through the crowds of people. I feel as if we are in the middle of the Amazon, cutting our way through the thick plant life, eventually, like all those early explorers, make our way to the proverbial temple that is the dining area. It is really nice up here, all the tables have there own personal chefs. The walls are a bluish grey with windows adorning the far side, barely visible blinds line each one that are either pulled up or down at random. While black suited waiters/waitresses run back and forth between tables holding drinks and other miscellaneous things. Its just as busy up here as it is downstairs. Our guide eventually stops at one of the tables, to the right, and we all take our seats as the chef is already in the midst of preparations." So Frank, are you guys going down to Susan's this Sunday night, should be fun. Some BBQ, some beers, some good times, should be great".
"Yeah we will be there Pete". My wife says cutting me off." Don't you worry about that".
"Oh! I am sorry Frank, I didn't know your on a time out".
"Well Pete, whatever I say must be first filtered through her, to make sure its socially acceptable".
"Kind of like a universal translator in a sense". Megs chimes in for the first time. She has always been a shy one, not really saying to much when crowded by people. One on one is a bit different though, as(depending on the person) she generally feels more comfortable.
"You guys are so delusional, he can say whatever he wants. He doesn't need my permission or anything like that".
"Right Judy(which is my wife's name) of course you don't do that". As the conversation pauses,  we all give off a good laugh, before another voice speaks up and says.
"So to steer this horse back on course, why is it that everyone is going to Susan's anyways?".
"Oh its just some annual BBQ Meg's, that's all". I tell her." I think its just to rub her good fortune onto her friends, if you ask me".
Susan is a good person overall, she just has that part of her brain that tries to shove her good will onto others, I am not even sure she realizes that she's doing it to begin with.
    As the chef finishes preparing our food, we all become silent, as we sit there staring at our plates like a bunch of twelve year old's that just got handed there first phone. Once you actually stop, and look around, you realize how strange and futile it really is. Like a strange sermon being conducted by some enigmatic cult leader. I can still hear voices pop up here and there from random corners of the restaurant, that for some reason cut through the rest of the noise. Its like having a conversation on acid, all the voices speak of bits and pieces that fit together as a whole, but wholly make no sense whatsoever. Our little group, now  split into smaller sanctions, all carry conversations all there own, while I pick at my plate listening in on my wife speak to Marie about her day at work and all the nuts she runs into. Once you listen to people speak over and over like I have (on my own accord or not) you realize how much people go in circles, always hitting on the same subjects but just from varying angles. I always found the world to be a strange place, like I never really fit, like a piece of the wrong jigsaw puzzle that accidentally got mixed in with the rest. Its hard to describe really, but I am sure a lot of people feel the same way, so I have not put to much thought into it otherwise.  As I am thinking this over, I look over once again to see Judy and Marie have stopped conversing and now have both there eyes firmly planted on me." Everything alright Frank". Asks Judy." Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask?".
"No reason Frank". Marie says." Just that you've been staring off into space for a few minutes now. Thought maybe you fell asleep".
"No, no". I say." I was just thinking, that's all".
"That must have been some thought than". Pete calls out, as the group begins to chuckle. As this is happening the waitress comes over between me and my wife sporting a tray full of dirty cups and dishes from random customers throughout the place. The waitress is surprisingly short actually, she must be not any taller than about five feet or so, five or take. She sports a blond pixie cut that makes her look like Tinkerbell has been plucked from the pages and slapped right in front of us. She wears these black pinstriped business pants with a dark blue shirt that is seductively unbuttoned to give the slightest glimpse of her skin underneath." Anyone want any refills". She calls out. Everyone kind of looks around at each other as if no one wants to go first. Until I speak up." I would absolutely love some, if that is not too much trouble on your part?".
"No no, of course not". She says as she reaches for my glass grazing my arm with hers." I will be right back".
"I'll be waiting". I tell her, as she walks off towards the kitchen. Looking over towards the group I see the confused and eye rolling expression on Judy's face as if I have done something wrong(which I probably have). The group on the other hand, doesn't seem to have noticed, they just keep on talking amongst themselves about odds and ends and whatever else interests them. After a few more minutes though the waitress comes back and places my drink in front of me. Before she leaves though, she places her hand on my shoulders and says." Will there be anything else there sir!".
"No, thanks, you have done more than enough!". Judy chimes in, in a almost snarky tone to her voice. As the waitress leaves, I feel a kick to my shins that is most obviously coming from my wife. As she does this though her facial expression never changes from that over exaggerated smile she forces upon the group.
   At the end off the dinner we all say our goodbyes, once again acting as if we are all simultaneously dying or something, they are just too overly emotional for my taste. Judy and I, sitting in our car, watching the rest of the people drive off, in silence, until Judy looks over and and says in what only could be described as a muffled scream." What the hell was that!".
"What was what?". I ask, confused, though knowing full well what she's getting at." You know full well what was what. That, in there, with the waitress?".
"It wasn't anything, I was just being nice".
"Being nice". She smirks." I call that being a little more than nice". She tells me." Oh! I'll be waiting". She says, mocking what I said earlier." I got to get my jollies somehow, right". I smile.
"That's not nice". She finally calls out, before pulling the car out to begin the journey home. The drive is quiet, and unsettling, an the only voice that we hear is at random intervals between songs on the radio. When we finally get home, we turn on the lights to the living room and put our stuff away into the closet by the front door. As soon as we get in we go our separate ways, as we tend to ignore the issues instead of dealing with them. I head upstairs and put on my pajamas(animal from the Muppet's) while Judy hits up the bathroom to get ready to go to bed. I eventually find myself downstairs with the television on, Judy up in the bedroom sleeping. There isn't all to much on TV right now, but in twenty minutes David Letterman starts up. Watching his show is almost has turned into a kind of custom, as I have been watching for quite a few years now. It has, as of late, turned into an excuse to fall asleep down her on the couch. I don't do it all the time mind you, but I know when its a good idea to at that. When Letterman finally comes on, and he runs out onto the stage like he does pretty much every show, that is when I see the light come on from upstairs. Its not like Judy to get up like this,usually when she sleeps she's like a rock. But surely enough, down she walks stumbling on her way as her eyes try to focus once more on in the presence of light. She sits beside me on the couch, and doesn't say anything for about a minute or so, until finally letting her voice be heard." You know Frank, you don't have to sleep down here tonight you know".
"I know, I was just watching some t.v". Her eyes now meet the floor, as I am totally out the door as what is going to come out of her mouth next." Its just". She starts." Its just I miss you".
"I am right here, I've always been right here".
  "I know, its just we have hit a kind of rough patch lately, and I feel like we're drifting apart".
"I know babe, I know. There is just certain things we need to work on, need to talk about".
"Maybe in the morning, over breakfast". She says.
"Maybe". I say, before pausing." I think that would be a good idea". She smiles, as her hand reaches over to find my thigh, and says." Well, how about in the meantime, you meet me upstairs, I'll be waiting".

# chapter 2.

  When I awake the next morning, I awake to an empty bed. An as i look at the clock beside me I find it to only be 7:30 am. She has never been the one to get up so early on her days off. As almost every other day its usually 6:00 am start time, that way she has about an hour or so to waste before she has to leave. She works just a few blocks away, ten or so minutes, at the elementary school as a grade school teacher. Which oddly enough, could be the source of our aversion to having kids just yet. But as i wonder were she went, and what she's up to, I decide to get up and start my long pre-coffee descent downstairs into the kitchen. An as I get ever closer I can begin to hear Judy(or who I hope is Judy) rummaging around making all types of noises I haven't heard in sometime." Hey honey". I say." What's uhh! What's going on".
"Oh nothing, just was thinking about what you said last night, and decided that maybe I would cook some breakfast for us this morning. Come on, sit down, before your coffee gets cold". I sit down at the table, where the coffee already waits as its steam rises as if in impatience. Judy is up at the stove, with wafts of bacon and eggs filling the air. As she is up there cooking, she wears these sweat type mini shorts dawned with a oversize sweater that's on the verge of swallowing each of her hands before she finally rolls up each sleeve." So". I pause." What was it exactly that I said last night that brought us to this inevitable conclusion?". She laughs, quietly, an almost strangled laugh that wants only to get out." It was when you told me that you've always been here, it didn't really get me at first actually. Its not until later on at night that I really got what it meant, whether you realize it or not". She stops what she doing, and turns her attention towards me, before beginning." I know our relationship hasn't been, how would you say, up to par. But when you said that, I realized that if I was in your position, or if any other man was in your position. He,or I, might not be as loyal as you have been. I mean, look at what happened to megs not too long ago".
"What happened to megs".
"Oh Frank, I am trying to say something here".
"I'm sorry honey, I appreciate all that you said, but I am not innocent in all this. But we can put all that behind us, cant we? Start new, like two crazy newlyweds".
"I would love that Frank". She says, as she kisses my forehead.
"So than". I say." What did happened to megs exactly?". The light from the kitchen window, that falls onto the table, makes a pattern of lines like a sheet of paper. As I look at it, I start to think about all the little scenarios and events Judy and I have found ourselves in. As if each line represents a certain facet of our life's. I wonder if we are kind of the same way, somewhat close together but never connected. Just like the lines of light created as they pass through the blinds. Now that I think about it, it has never been easy, like there is some unknown force between us. But at the same time, no matter how bad it has gotten(which on hindsight is not that bad, considering) I have always found myself to be calmer, more relaxed around her, as if she's the glue that keeps me together. I know a lot of guys think the same way, as it is quite the cliched notion, buy true nonetheless.
  My breakfast, has now materialized in front of me, along with Judy sitting on the opposite end of the table, with a quiet smirk upon her face." Is everything okay over their?". Judy asks." Yeah, I'm okay, I was just thinking of things".
"What things were you thinking about".
"Oh". I say." Just us, that's all, just us. I was thinking maybe tonight, after I get home from work, we can go out, just you and me on a kind of romantic getaway. To celebrate our newly found understanding".
"That would be nice, maybe we can go to that lovely little place down the street, what is it called again?". She asks rhetorically." The Night Out!". She screams, in a muffled like tone." Its supposed to be quite the romantic place I hear".
"I would hope so, with a name like that". For breakfast, she made Bacon, eggs, and hash browns, and the good hash browns at that. The ones that are basically tiny potatoes that still just happen to have there skin still partially on. Its still fairly early in the day, and unfortunately I have to begin my morning trek to get ready to go. Every time it seems like a journey, not cause there is a lot to do or anything, its just because it involves the exact same motions day in and day out. Just to get to a job that happens to be the same way. I am one of those worker bee's, that sits in there little cubicle all day punching the keyboard. Surrounded by grey boorish walls that all at one try to assimilate you into submission. Its one of those events in life that make you look back and wonder how you even got here in the first place. An the more I think about it, the more mysterious it becomes, like ten or so years of my life has just been wiped out from existence, as far as my memory is concerned anyway. Judy, still sitting across from me, now holds up one her magazines to her face, looking as if the person adorning the front cover has explicitly taken over her body. It is one of those Cosmo relationship magazines, I can barely make out one of the headlines, which reads ' how to get a better boyfriend in ten easy tasks'. An article that maybe needs to be read I would think. I am guessing in a magazine like that they would not differentiate too much between boyfriend and husband. I do think I could use some finer points on being one." Well this was all very wonderful, but I got to get going, my cubicle awaits". Judy puts down the magazine and forces the last bits of breakfast down before saying." OK honey, you have a good day, I will see you tonight".
   Now at work, I am at my desk that sits surreptitiously in the middle of this cubical maze." Hey Frank". A voice says." Did you end up going to that restaurant the other day". Its Johnson, one of my coworkers, standing behind me with each hand leaning on both sides of the cubicle walls." Yeah we did, it was pretty nice". We have been to that before, like I might have said earlier, but some details seem to pass right through him like some kind of neutrino. An there is no sense really fighting it." An the waitresses there aren't too bad either huh!".
"Yeah". I tell him, as my chair begins to squeak, while turning towards him." One of the girls there was hitting on me".
"How so?". He asks.
"When she would sit my drinks on the table in front of me, her hands would graze mine, as if she was trying to steal my watch or something. And just the way she was talking, and stuff to. Every time she left, as well, her hand would find my shoulder practically giving me a massage".
"So what happened exactly, what did you do?".
"Nothing, I didn't do nothing. Although Judy thinks I was flirting with her".
"How so exactly?".
"I don't know, some comment I made when she left to get my drinks, apparently its not what I said, but how I said it".
"Yeah, that's always the way it goes isn't it Frank". Says Johnson." Anyways, Mr. Miller has been seen wandering around here, so I should get going before I get a talking to". He says with air quotes, as he has been talked to before, it usually consists of our boss (Mr. Miller) asking rhetorical questions, it's more talking to himself than anything else. It is quite amazing, once you actually think about it. How you work your way through school, dreaming about the moment when you can throw that hat in the air and call it a day. You wait for that moment don't you, you think that things will pick up and no more will you have to stay after school and go through all the details of what you just so happened to do wrong in any specific class through out the day. Only to finally get to work, and find that that principal has just moved along with you in the form of your boss. You never really get out of that kid stage do you, at least most of us. The only difference is, is that proverbial backpack seems to get heavier every year.
   My job has never been one of such fun, you don't hear about it on TV, or kids having college type discussions on what they want to be when they get older, you don't see it on commercials telling you to come to this school to learn this type of thing, there is no attractive person shouting to you through the television screen on how it changed his/her life. Its just one of those jobs you wake up to one morning and find your life is totally ensconced in it. It isn't a bad thing though, but nonetheless, it is menial, it'll grind your knuckles to the bone, if you don't take some time off every so often. A few hours into it, Johnson once again finds his way unto my doorstep." Hey Frank". He says." Are ya coming for lunch. I am thinking about that place across the street, Damien's, supposed to have great burgers, thought you would want to join". Damien's is a Burger joint just across the street, about a block away, but for all intensive purposes, across the street. I have never been, as its one of those inner city Hipster style joints that's adorned in dark brooding colors like some 30's brothel you might see on t.v. I have passed by a time or two, and have taken a look at the menu that decorates their front window. All their burgers use weird ingredients, like the turtles pizza from that cartoon a few years back. It doesn't really sound all that good, I think to myself, but every other place around here has been getting stale as of late." I have made a lunch of my own, but sure, what the hell, I'll will come". Downstairs, in front of the building, Johnson stops in his tracks after about five or so feet." Hey John, what are you doing, lets go". He still stands there, not answering, looking away as if mesmerized by the row of vehicles that seem to sleep on the edge of the sidewalk." That van". He says, before I cut in." What van, what about it?". He points over toward this nondescript white GM, the old logo from an lawn mowing company is thinly veiled in white paint. There are no windows, and the front windshields are blackened out as to not see in. It does look a bit odd, I will give him that, but any wanna be gangster could have done that. Who knows, could just be a delivery van carrying expensive objects that might be stolen if seen." Its been sitting there since early this morning. And come to think about it, it was here yesterday at that". As we stand in the middle of the sidewalk all the passersby all but ignore us, except for the odd elbow every so often as a sort of passive aggressive way of saying to us, ' get the hell outta the way'. Its kind of the law of the land around here, basically pretending that we are a lot more polite than we actually are.
  Inside Damien's, we decide to take our seats right by the window, as the waiter waits around the bar trying to look nonchalant. Its a strange atmosphere, all the employees employ wacky costumes that could only go well with the 70's mustaches most the men sport. So much for being cool by not trying to be cool anymore. I have always found the whole Hipster culture quite odd, it just seems as though the more they try to be different from each other the more they dress alike, but I am not pretending to be an expert on such things at that. For, in reality, I am the one who wears basically the same outfit everyday.
   Looking at the menus, hoping to find something of a normal variety, I decide to get the Mediterranean, as its probably the one they put on there for guys like me. But on top of that, I do love feta cheese and olives, so I have that at least. Johnson orders the Benedict Burger, which is basically what you think it is, Eggs Benedict on a Burger topped with your choice of cheese. Sounds not to bad either actually, although I would imagine it to be quite the mess. The place is busy, not to surprising coming from this part of town, most company's, like us, hang around here, like school children on the cool part of the field during recess. It really has turned into a type of community, a village all on its own in a way. I know almost all the other people from other office's, competing or not. We all stick with our own little clicks for the most part, but we have known to in various establishments every now and again.
   When Johnson and I eventually finish, we head on back to the office, at the front doors though he once again stands facing the street watching the van as if he's sneaking up on it.
"Its hardly been an hour john, the owner probably works in our building".
"Yeah". He says." Your probably right". We end up taking the stairs, as when we walk in a crowd has formed in front of the elevator, as if a rock star has shown up or something. I can tell he is still thinking about that van though, he tends to be like that, obsessed about things. I don't ask him about it though, as I have had this conversation before about multiple things.

Random conversations #2

"Do you believe in destiny?".
She asks.
"What do you mean?" I reply". Like when our lives have a definitive path?".
"Yeah!". She says, as she flicks the ashes of her cigarette, that in turn reverse course and end up on her right knee.
"Do you think that we have any say in how our lives ultimately end up?".
I think about this for a second, with the sounds of endless conversations surrounding us, only to be faintly muted by the cascading waters of the fountain from where we are currently sitting. We sit just on the very edge, as the pool glistens with the many wishes people have thrown in over the years.
"No actually! I don't. I do not believe in destiny. 'Cause that would mean that everything I have done is not my fault".
"So you say your hands would be proverbially tied for the entire journey towards the end?".
"I would say so! Yes!". I say, partially calling out.
"So a type of variation on the whole end justifies the means in a sense?".
"Not really. But if there is a end result mapped out for us, than the rest of our lives must as well be of the same nature, at least to an extent".
"So you don't think we were destined to be together than".
"If we were destined to be together". I repeat." Than that would mean I have no real free will. An if that's the case, what's the point of doing anything really".
"Well". She says." I think free will is just an illusion. Everything happens for a reason, at least that's the way I see it, makes life a bit more romantic, doesn't it?".
"I guess". I say.
"Its a nice thought, isn't it. That we were pulled together by some unseen force to be with each other".
"I don't mean any disrespect, but I just find that hard to believe!".
"Yeah". She tells me." But you never really were the romantic type, were you?".
"According to to this theory of yours, it doesn't really matter anyways". I say, as she just smiles, while putting out her cigarette with the heel of her shoe.

Random conversations #1

"I want to be an amphibian".
She tells me." So I can sleep below
The murky water's".
"You know". I begin." I am not sure
That amphibians sleep below the waters".
She looks over, with her coffee cup
partially covering  her face. So her eyes just peek over, like twin moons over a twilight soaked sea.
"I think you're missing the point!".
She says. "Please than". I reply." Do tell, what is the point exactly?". She doesn't answer, at least at first, instead opting to watch the slowly dissipating crowd emptying out into the streets like a flock of birds that have been momentarily discombobulated.
"You see those people outside". She finally calls out.
"Yeah". I say." I see 'em(I pause, shortly) How about them?".
"What is their purpose exactly, what is their role in life?".
"What do you mean, role?"
"You know". She tells me." Role!, why is that person, every person for that matter. Out there, right now?".
"They are just out on the town, enjoying themselves, doing what people do".
"Which is!?".
She says, dragging her words,
as if carrying a heavy bag through the dirt, or like Atreyu, desperately trying to pull Artax through the swamp of sadness.
"There isn't a point, is there?". She says before continuing, with hardly a breath in between.
"Have you ever noticed". She continues, somewhat changing the subject." That we are the only animals in this kingdom that do things that go against our own survival".
"I think your changing the subject, are you not?".
"No actually, I do not. And I will tell you why!".
"Please". I say." Please do".
"Have you ever seen a lion, a bear, or an amphibian, for that matter. Go around killing there own kind".
"I am sure it happens every so often".
"I have never once seen". She says, as if passing over my previous comment." Any animal, except for humans, kill for the pleasure of killing, let it be a hapless gazelle or one of there own!".
"It's our heightened intellect, we rose to the top of the food chain so to say, and we all know, with a heightened intellect comes a heightened ego, they just go hand in hand".
"You always were a self professed psychiatrist of sorts". She tells me. As I laugh, and say, in a quiet demeanor.
  "It must be my heightened intellect".

The Sun..

The Sun,
   (I may,)

Some worship,
Some prey,

But the moon,
The sea,
The forest, the
trees,

To each,
     To they,

Together, to
Day.

Empty Eyes..

Empty eyes,
Forks an knives,

An extended arm,
(In body)
        In mind..
An undulations,

Like hands, (or

Mouth.)
That do close, like mind,
Or
  House.

The Abandoned house

The house is empty, and the windows are windowless, or completely boarded up. The front door hasn't been opened in years, and the front lawn is overgrown with weeds and bushes that climb there way up the walls of the house. An as I Jimmy open the door, it creaks and cracks, as if screaming at the pain of broken bones. Inside, I can see the living room, with all the furniture in disarray, and the caked in carpet that has seen years of lonely servitude. So as I walk through each room, swiping at the spider webs that crawl over each corner of every wall, I can feel my feet against the ground as if I wandered deep into a dark swamp, with the mud up against my shoes like disembodied hands trying to pull me under. I can even begin to hear the sounds of distant insects, as they echo through the air until eventually entering my eardrums, as they buzz around as if from every direction.
   I am now heading around the living room, that almost encircles the kitchen, with the once papered walls limping downwards as they slowly detach themselves from there once so prominent relationship. Around the corner lays the dining  room, with the patio behind and the kitchen to the left of me. The dining room table is set, with plates and utensils circling as if ready for guests. As I look out onto the patio though, there is no sign of the outside world, as they have fully closed it in with plastic siding. To the left, the sliding glass door sits vicariously, although caked in mud (much like the carpet through the rest of the house). I end up heading back into the kitchen, where the coldness of the tile floors runs its way up my legs and rests itself onto the back of my neck. The floor actually, is fairly clean, looking as if its been recently mopped, as well as the appliances, with their avocado coloring, looking as if they were newly bought straight from the seventies. In fact, most of the kitchen looks fairly new, but as I open up the cupboards I find all but empty spaces, except for the random webs that the spiders now call home. An as i crouch down, to run my fingers across one of the tiles, all i find is a light layering of dust, maybe two or more days worth. The stove though, I find, is slightly slanted, narrowly hitting the floor except for the partial rubber stamp that hasn't quite eroded yet. Its strange, why would the whole house be in such an advanced stage of decomposition, except for the kitchen. Its as if the body is dead but the heart still has life, but a sentient being this is not.
   As I get closer to the stove, I can see the grease marks that maculate themselves onto  the window, as if something may still be inside. Leaning over to open up the door, I find the light still struggles to turn on, but I do not find anything inside, except for the blackened crust that wraps itself around the entirety of the racks. The whole of the inside is actually mostly encrusted, as if its never been clean. This place is really starting to freak me out, as I now start to believe that walking away from here is the best plan of action. Its like that feeling you get sometimes, after watching a scary movie, that something or someone is creeping right up behind your back. But as I turn around to leave, the same way I came in, I notice the dining room table is no longer set, in fact there is only one plate now, at the end, with only a knife and fork adorning the sides. An the chair, is pulled out, like its waiting for someone to sit upon it. So as I see this, my body starts to shake, as if trying to reject a body part. Seeing this, my body freezes itself into place, until  I finally begin to break free a minute or so later. An that is when I run for the door, as it once again screams in agony like an older gentleman with a bad back. Once outside I sit still on the sidewalk, with my hands upon my knees, feeling as if I had just run a Marathon. But as I begin to walk away, I see the lights on, as if its suddenly breathing new life, like a family member that at once, but slowly, comes out of a year long coma. But the weird thing is, the thing that really straightens out my neck hair, is I too, coincidentally, feel as if I have breathed new life, as if the frozen waters have finally receded, and show the signs of an oasis, or the  quaint imagery of a forested valley, ready to be explored.

As I try to break free, from these human shackles.

"I don't blame you".
She tells me, as her voice
Reverberates, echoing as if
Yelling it over the open caverns,

Buried beneath the earth.

"And either should you!".
She says, as now i can see her eyes, now uncovered,
From the fallen hair she so purposely
Brushes from her face.

Her hands are calm,
As mine
Now shake,
Before I exasperate a final mutterance,
As if not being able to hold
My breath any longer.

.."How, exactly, could I not blame myself".
I say, before
Trailing off into existence.

(As if disappearing, into
The folded up realities that pepper
  Our own.)

"Easy!". She tells me.
As she wraps her arms around
Me, as if protecting me from
The elements.
"It just may take some time, that's all".
She pauses.

"It just may take some time!".

As the men they turn, To shake their Heads.

As the men they turn,
To shake their
Heads

Rattle the feet/
beat em dead.

While the woman
Do call,
To wait
In bed

A thunderous sky,
A spouse's dread.

As streaks of light,
Dawn the sky

Here comes a tear,
Here comes a cry

"Remember me".
My fellow man,
As I lay in wait

Upon the sand,
My final descent

From this land,
Into the light
They call heaven

As I rise up once more, like a Phoenix, from my previously dead self.( the slow and quiet progression of said life). #non-edited..

The stove is on, as I can feel the heat pressing up against my torso. While outside, the wind blows, running down the city streets as if in a Marathon, that seemingly finds its way right through my apartment via the living room window. While the buildings look as if they are toppled over drunk, while covered over in a coat of nonsensical graffiti. Its about six o'clock, I do believe, as the hands on the kitchen clock have been broken for sometime. A fitting metaphor one might say. Someone walking past on the outside might think this place might be condemned, as the cracks are like veins, that pop out of the skin at random intervals throughout the layer of brick. But its what I call home, and I am probably making it out as worse than it actually is. I am cooking dinner, while watching the flames rise up over the elements as if trying to escape the very thing that gave them life. I enjoy cooking, as its when I get to lose myself, like I am in some kind of trance,  the surrounding area kind of disappears, as if  from reality. As I do this though, I am quickly pulled out by a quiet knocking that seems to be emanating from the front door. Its Jane, from downstairs. I met her awhile ago when I was first moving in. I was moving a chair through the front door when she passed me by, I wasn't paying attention to the task at hand and almost dropped it. I tried to correct myself but just ended up doing a juggling act and making myself look even stupider in the process.  We met up quite a bit later after that, she told me how she thought I was funny, and it just basically bloomed from there." James?". She says as if asking a question." It sure smells nice in here, I can smell it all the way down the hallway". She laughs, and continues." I am actually surprised the rest of the people here aren't clawing at your door".
  "Especially when the neighbors a few doors down smoke so much pot, they smell a little food and suddenly turn into zombie's".
  "Yeah!". She smiles." They are pretty funny aren't they?".
  "They sure are". I tell her." They sure are". The neighbors we speak of live about four doors down, and whenever you pass by their place you're sure to get a whiff of pot no matter what time of day, nobody minds though, as most people living here are pretty friendly, and whenever anyone says anything their happy to take it elsewhere.
   When dinner is finally ready, we sit on the couch in front of the t.v, as I do not have a dining room table. The closest I have are those fold up trays from the 70's with those weird pictures of some cabin in the woods somewhere. Not all that romantic I guess, but we make do, with what we got. "So". She begins." How was your day?".
  "Pretty uneventful actually, it basically consisted of getting some stuff for dinner from that store down the street".
  "Oh! Bee Arthur's is it called?".
"Some strange hippy name like that anyway".
  " I myself". She says." Actually had quite the interesting encounter this morning myself though".
  "Oh yeah, how was that?".
" I was up on fourth there, by that little park across from the all those coffee shops on the corner of terminal".
  "The one with all the screaming kids, yeah, nice place, the noise is a little baffling, but nice nonetheless".
  "Baffling?". She asks." How so exactly?"."Well every time you go there its crowded with people, and not just parents. Kids, teenagers, you name it. It just doesn't make any sense, you go to any kind of market place with a screaming kid and they can't complain enough. But stick the same people outside in a park somewhere and you get a completely different reaction, its just... baffling". She looks at me, listening, right before she smirks and gives off this slight laugh, like a small leak in some pipe somewhere." I think you're over thinking this just a bit, but anyways". She pauses, for added effect( or just to let my reactionary laughing die off)." Back to the story. I was sitting on one of the park benches watching those screaming kids". She tells me while air quoting." An this older man sits next to me, and stays silent for about five or so minutes, before charging off into this weird tale on how he is this CIA spy, and that my name is red falcon or something, he keeps on calling himself black butterfly, and he wants some information from me". As she is telling me this story, you can see that she begins to get a little agitated." So what did you do". I ask." Nothing, I didn't know what to do! But he kept on getting angrier the more I told him I had no idea what he was talking about. It was scary, to say the least".
  "So what". I say." Did he just leave?".
"No, some young fellow eventually picked him up and just left".
"Really? Just like that, didn't say a word otherwise?".
"Yeah, no 'i apologize' no nothing. It was surreal, like some freaky Monty python sketch or something". I begin to laugh, while trying to hold it back but with no real progress. So it just ends up as a kind of muffled sound like someone is trying to suffocate me from behind." Its not funny". She eventually screams, trying to hold back a smile.
    After dinner the wind has let up, and the night has started to seep into view. You can hear the cars behind us on the somewhat busy street, as its almost as if they go in one giant circle eventually ending up at the same spot by our building. It just never ends. Still sitting on the couch we watch t.v, with only about a quarter of it being used as she cuddles up into me as if trying to inhabit the same space." Its getting late". She announces." I should probably be on my way".
  "What do you mean". I ask." I thought you would stay over, stay the night, maybe get some breakfast tomorrow".
  "I got to work tomorrow, early, but maybe afterwards you can come over, I can make you dinner". She says with a chuckle, as if laughing to herself. After she leaves the place is empty, and quiet, unsettling. The wind doesn't blow through my window, and all I can hear is the somber hum of the outside world as it yells out in sporadic fits of schizophrenic paranoia. You get used to it, as its mostly just drunken adolescent minds screaming out periodically. At this point it's kind of like falling asleep to the sounds of the ocean. I end up falling asleep to the t.v off, and the window partially open, so the morning rises up with the sounds of the sun beaming through the window. I don't work today, so I have got really nothing that needs to be done, and since Jane is at work I got to find something to pass the time until she gets back. I end up getting up and going to this little diner dive not too far off from here. Its called the something or other, again, I do not know who comes up with these names." James". Calls out the waitress." Nice to see you today, on this lovely morning".
  "Thanks Josie". I say. Her name is actually Josephine, but I call her Josie for short. She lives right near here in one of the buildings a few blocks from my place, on the other side of the park we talked about earlier." Do you want your usual table, by the window".
  "You should know by now that that will always be a yes". She laughs, and chuckles, covering her mouth as if embarrassed." So sweetie". She continues." What will it be for you today?". I look over the menu scanning the pages hardly reading the entries I find within." The eggs Benedict please, with a side of Bacon".
  "Coffee to go along with it?".
"Just keep it coming".
  "You are so predictable James, you know that".
"Yea, I know". I tell her." But that is just what makes me all the more lovable, does it not". She smirks, and says." Well James, you just keep on telling yourself that". We have actually known each other for quite some time, which is why we have the relationship we do. We tried dating once, years ago, but it was so awkward and unsettling, as if trying to date your cousin or something, so we decided it was better off that we stayed friends. An to be honest it works out much better this way. I always come here and get the seat by the window, watch as the world races by in such a hurry to get no place all that really important. People charge by in there cars, honking at each other, thinking how everyone else is the idiot driver. Hardly knowing that we all are basically in the same vote. Its a wild world we live in, and if we don't keep our eyes open long enough we might just miss it.
   And as I sit there contemplating( if you can call it that) I hardly notice Josie sitting across from me, picking at the very food she brought for myself." James". She calls." Snap out if it will ya!". I look over with a grin and a partial look of confusion." What's going on". I ask." You on your break?".
  "Yeah, just a fifteen, just thought maybe you wanted to come outside with me, have a smoke".
  "I am kinda in the middle of something you know, I can't just leave this here, I'm still hungry!".
  "Oh its fine, don't be such a hassle all the time, they know you around here, no ones gonna touch it, your so paranoid".
  "Okay okay". I tell her." After you than, my lady". We go out the back in the little back alley behind the place. On the other side of the semi side street lays the backyards of houses with dogs barking and children playing. Most of the fences seem as of they are about to fall apart, some have already. The grass on more than a few are overgrown, and now probably constitutes as a forest, with a tree house acting as the only refuge from the dangers within." So you know that guy I've been seeing". She suddenly speaks." Yeah, Timothy was it".
  "Tom actually. Timothy sounds like some formal suit wearing ten year old".
  "Anyways". I say while laughing." What about him?".
  "Well he's gone".
"What do you mean gone, like you guys broke up?".
  "No no, he is just gone, no word or message or anything. I got up one morning and he just wasn't there, all his stuff was gone and his key was sitting on the kitchen counter".
  "Wow that's ummmm!". I pause." That's fucked up. Did you guys fight or something? He doesn't seem like the type of guy to do something like this".
  "Well he did, we didn't fight or anything, everything seemed to be going fine, I am not sure what the hell happened". Sitting their for a minute with puffs of smoke rising out of the thin air in front of us, we just stand in silence, not sure where to go from here." You know if you need anything, anything at all, I am always here for you, don't be afraid to ask".
  "Yeah I know, I know". She says, wiping the newly formed tears from her eyes." I think I need to be getting back, but thanks for listening James, I may just take you up on that yet".  Inside I find my table and all its contents just as before, as if time stopped for a second when I left. I finish off the rest of breakfast as Josie is out helping other customers as she smiles and rolls her eyes every so often in my direction. I pay(with a good tip, which I always do but still feel slightly odd since I know her) and make my way once more to the outside world. The sun out here still rains down from above, and I stand there slightly confused as to what to do next. Its such a nice day I don't want to waste it inside, as we don't get too many days around here without rain. There is this little park just up the ways, not the one we talked about earlier, but another all together. This area of town seems to be peppered with Parks and green space, and for some reason every one needs a community garden that to my knowledge no one ever uses( but stays almost perfect anyways). The park in question is more of a school yard, minus the school, but its a nice walk anyways. Just up aways past the park, the upper east side starts. That's where the cool kids hang out, on Virginia Ave( they have come to call it the Verge, stupid, I know). A lot of it is run by rabid soccer fans from all countries, that can be found in coffee shops and sports bars throughout the strip. Its a strange area, one side is all Hipster stores and dollar pizzas, while the other us rundown ethnic restaurants and crappy theatres, all cut down the middle by First street. The park is quiet, and somewhat empty, there are a few kids in the field playing a game of soccer with only three people. It seems a little out of place for this to be so empty on a day as today. But after about fifteen minutes of me taking a seat facing the field,  I notice the clouds close in. I haven't minded them until just now, it amazes me at times, how the weather can change so hurriedly around here.
   Back at home ( and soaking wet) I open up the curtains to watch the rain fall upon the city, there is just something about it that gives me a calming effect, like listening to one those sound scape Cd's to help you sleep. I end reading with the television on, but on mute. Its this book called the temple of the golden pavilion by Yukio Mishima, a brilliant story, to be so obsessed by something, so enamored that it brings you to such a destructive end, I couldn't imagine. I have read it a few times already, and each read just gets better. Even now, after my second or third go through I am still learning things about it.
  At about 5:30 or so the door opens and in walks Jane with a handful of groceries, juggling them about as she tries to close the door behind her." Do you think you could give me a hand James?".
  "Yeah sure, no problem, so". I say as I put the bag on the kitchen counter." How was the day, busy?".
  "Yeah, it was crazy today, don't know why either, its not like it to be busy on a day like this". She works at this Tim Horton's that just opened up on first Ave, it is now probably the nicest place on that side of the street." I guess everyone is trying to awake from all the recent late nights, they sure wouldn't shut up during the last few anyways". She smiles and passes on replying, in which she does quite often( which I am fine with by the way)." I thought I would make your favourite tonight, chicken, rice, all covered in a mushroom sauce, and to top it all off asparagus".
  "Really". I say, somewhat surprised." You don't even like asparagus, let alone the mushroom sauce you make".
  "I don't hate it". She says back." It's just with that and the added Philly, its so thick and rich, I can't eat a lot of it. But the asparagus though, I just don't like".
  "Yeah well, I guess that's fair enough". I laugh." So why make it in the first place than?".
  "You seemed so disappointed that I didn't stay over last night, like a wet puppy that just ran through the kitchen, and realizes that she did something bad".
  "Oh, now I am a she huh! I see how things are. So what, does that make you the man in this relationship?".
  "That's right!". She says." I am the man". She tells me, puffing up her chest, while trying to push me around, like men do when there drunk, or just immature cliches of themselves. It ends up being like one of those scenes from a movie,(or at least that's how I see it in my head) where the couple jokes around with each other but end up kissing at the end of it. I can feel the warmth of her skin upon mine. I always wondered how she keeps her skin so soft at all times, like silk, that quivers at the very touch. We end up somehow back on the bed, after possibly knocking over a lamp or two. If its the one I am thinking of though, I don't really mind all that much, didn't like it all too much anyways.
   Afterwords, laying in bed next to each other, while staring at the ceiling, I could feel her skin against mine. She still gives me goose bumps, a little boost of excitement when I first see her, even if its to scorn for something that I did. I begin to once more shuffle myself over to her, bunching up the covers between us, she looks over towards me now as my hand once more finds her naked thigh, and I start to slowly caress as she smiles and says." Has it really been that long James, I am not going anywhere".
"That's good to hear". I say." It might ruin my plans otherwise". She gives me that look, the one that says I am laughing on the inside, and begins." Your like a kid in a candy store aren't ya!, thinking you better have your fill now, because you may never come back.  But!". She tells me( and I usually know were this is going)." I have a dinner to make James, your fun is just going to have to wait". I watch her get dressed, while getting even more aroused as before. There is just something sexy, and poetic, about her putting back on her clothes, I am probably the only one that thinks that though. As I walk out into the kitchen, I see her standing at the stove as if in some deep conversation with it, almost like nothing happened at all." Do you need any help?". I ask, as I pass her by in the kitchen." No James! I think I am good, I am cooking for you, remember. Just watch some t.v, it will be done in no time".
  "Okay, if you say so".
"I do say". She tells me. I sit down on the couch, to watch some television. Every so often I get a smell of her cooking pass me by,getting ever stronger the closer she gets to finishing. Soon enough though she sits beside me plates in hand, staring at the TV while getting stuffed on good eats." So". She begins." How is it, is it up to your liking".
  "It always is, after all these years" I begin." You are still the best cook I know". She smiles, and kisses me on the forehead. The night goes on like this, just a quiet night in with the one you love, no busy streets or long line ups or hustle and bustle of the outside world. Its nice, to get away from it all, and recharge the engines, to once more push your way out into society in the morning. Like a newly hatched turtle,making its way over the sand, only to be repeatedly pushed away from the waters by the continuous waves, just to eventually break through.
    In the morning when I awake, she has already left, but I can still feel her warmth through the covers. Today is the first day of the week, as I got to go back to work. Its just within walking distance actually, what are the odds I know. I work at the hardware store, the only one in the area, I am not even sure if you can even call it that, as a few shovels and screwdrivers and shit do not make a hardware store. Its only me and the owner that work their, an old friend of mine. He gave me the job after the last one didn't really work out all too well. But I don't think we need to get into that. The day goes by slow,as it usually does,a customer here and there throughout the day, usually people that forgot something or other and don't want to go back to the real one, so they come here instead. In which is kind of humorous, seeing that on select items we are cheaper than the big box stores. But people never learn. At the end of the day the sun is gone, just peaking out over the mountains like a toddler, playing hide and seek. At home I find an empty apartment, as Jane must be downstairs at her own, I think about going down, seeing how her day went, but that just ended up in a argument the last time. She said she needs her space, and doesn't need me consoling her over a bad day, she is like that, independent( aggressively so sometimes). I guess we are just two different pieces of the same puzzle, just hoping that we fit nicely together.
   The next few days goes by much the same,Jane stays downstairs at her own apartment, and I sit up here watching the television after work. The world passes by with no thought of us, it just goes by, no matter what may be happening in our own life, a sad thought if you think about it. I tried to go down, see what's up, if everything is okay. What I found was a door that didn't open,with the slight shuffling of feet inside, that are trying its best to be quiet. I even called out my name, to let her know its me, but got no response in return. The rest of the week moves by, and I still hear nothing out of Jane, it worries me, to say the least. On my first day off, at around ten in the morning, comes a knock at the door, like a sudden rush of water, that leaves you in a panic." Hey James, may I come in?".
  "Of course, of course, you don't have to ask".
   "James". she say quietly, as if some body's listening." Can we talk?".
  "Yeah, take a seat. Want a drink or anything?".
  "No" she replies." I'm good, thanks. Listen". She continues." I am sorry for not talking for the past week, but....". She sighs." I think we may need a break". I look off at her, in complete surprise, as if I am not understanding the words that come out of her mouth." A break, a break from what?".
"From us James!, from us".
"What do you mean, I thought everything was fine". I pause, to catch my breath." Where is this coming from anyways, what did I do exactly".
  "You didn't do anything James, its not you, really, its not". We sit there in silence, as Jane watches the multiple reactions upon my face." I am sorry James, really I am. An I don't mean to hurt you, in any way. But I need this".
  "Need what exactly".
"I don't know James!, okay, I do not know. I just...... I need something". She stops, and rubs her forehead. She is standing up now,pacing the room so much she's making me dizzy." I just need something more".
  "Something more, really. I am sorry I cannot give you big houses and four cars, I really am, but isn't this enough, isn't us enough".
   "Its not that, its not".
"Than what is it Jane, what is it".
    "I don't know, but I know I need to go find out, I feel like I am couped up in here. I am sorry James, I am, but I need to do this". At this she hugs me, apologizing once more, and leaves the apartment. While I am left inside, confused, hurt, and shocked. I really did not see this coming, but isn't that always the way, one person is always blinded by the fact that he/she is in love, never noticing the subtle( or sometimes even not) hints that he/she gives out. We are all too wrapped up in our own little world to realize the emotions of others. But that does not make things better, just sad, a little more lonesome, when I finally realize that I wont see her on the other side of that door, or feel the warmth of her skin against mine. Its hard letting go, and I can already feel the eyes start to water,and my hands begin to shake. An somehow, through all of this, I finally find sleep, only to periodically forget that there is no one beside me, as I lay on the verge of falling to floor on the very cliff of the bed.
     The next morning is mostly a daze,  as I cannot seem to focus on any available task. Most of it is just spent staring at the television, hardly watching it though. I keep on going through the years trying to find all the things I might have done wrong, and with further analysis find quite a few. At about four in the afternoon I have had quite enough of this sitting around. So I end up taking a walk. You ever see those movies, where our hero loses face, and ends up walking around thinking about what he/she has done, only to figure out how to fix it( which normally involves getting the girl back). And the scene is only made more powerful by the falling rain, and the busy streetlights that perfectly seduce him for the camera. Unfortunately though, the real world doesn't really work like that. As outside the sun is shining, and the crowds of people seem to frolic more often than usual. I end up walking around only stopping for a water here and there at the corner stores that seem to fight for supremacy in the few city blocks that I find myself.  I think about stopping over at Josie's, but I do believe she is off today. So instead I buy my own pack of cigarettes and smoke em by the park with all the kids. The rest of the week goes by surprisingly fast, at the store I do everything and anything to keep my hands busy. I end up doing a complete overhaul of the store,,cleaning areas that have never been touched. The boss just sits back and chuckles, sympathetically of course. I am sure he is pretty okay with all the work that is getting done, at the end of the work week he pats me on the shoulder and gives me an extra day off, a kind of thanks and sorry at the same time.
   In the morning(on my first day off) I find myself once more at the diner, eating my usual, as always. It gets me thinking though, that this could be one of the very reasons she left me, predictability. I do have a routine, and now that I think about it she does call me old man a lot, maybe that is it, the one reason that eventually drove her over the edge. Have you ever realized something, that shatters the idea you have about yourself, while not realizing exactly what to do to change course. Its like that, and I am sure the other patrons are looking at me with confused eyes, as my face probably gives off a look of bewilderment itself, like somehow its just been mangled in some horrible accident. At the end I once more meet Josie out back, as this time she is just at the end of her shift." So James, remember I told you about Tom leaving, how he just left for no reason".
  "Yeah, Timothy, I remember".
"Well.. you will never guess what happened". She says, with hardly a pause in between." He came back!".
  "Seriously?". I mutter." He came back, what did he say. What was his excuse for him leaving".
  "Nothing, actually, surprisingly enough".
"Nothing?". I repeat." What the hell you mean nothing. How could he be gone for all this time and not give an explanation".
  "I don't know". She says." But that's what he did".
"So what happened than, you guys still together, or what".
  "What do you think?".
"Well I would hope in the hell not".
  "Than you would be right my friend, you would be right". She tells me pointing her cigarette at me like some drugged out rock star. It is at this point that I decide to join in on the cancerous fun. And as I pull out the pack she gives a look of disbelief, as if I just pulled out a knife or something." And what, may I ask, are you doing with that".
  "Well". I begin." Lets just say its been a tough week".
  "I would say so". She replies." I haven't seen you with a pack for years now, what happened?".
  "What happened, what happened is that apparently me and you both are now single".
  "Holy shit! Are you serious, how in the hell did this happen".
  "I'm really not sure actually, she said something about needing to see what's out there you know". I say raising my arms." In the world!".
  "That's it?". She asks." Yeah, that's about it. I guess she just got tired of the routine. Understandable... if you think about it".
  "Well I am sorry to hear that".
"Yeah, me too".  We start walking around the city, basically going in circles, two people in the same basic situation, trying to make each other feel better. We end up stopping for a couple coffees, and eventually find us at this local Vietnamese restaurant. Its at this point that it decides to rain, better late than never I was always told. At the end if the day I walk her home, and we say our goodbyes.




#Part 2



The rest of the week crawls forth like molasses, or a slow lumbering turtle trying to once more make it through the waves, into ocean below. I keep on trying to come up with reasons to go downstairs to pass by Jane's apartment, as if she will open the door at the exact moment I pass by and throw her arms around me as if to say she's sorry. Another delusional thought from a human mind. To counteract me driving myself crazy,  I head over to see Josie, only to realize she is nowhere to be seen. I have never realized how lonely life can get when their is no one to share it with. I have always taken it for granted, as most of my life I have had someone there around me. Except for that first initial move to the big city, and the relaying insurmountable time afterwards. In which is when I met Jane(to a certain extent). It was a weird time, at once both depressed and heart broken without actually fully realizing how bad it actually was. Have you ever had that, to go through life thinking that some event wasn't at all that bad( even though your friends/family say otherwise) only to be eventually hit by that wall and realize how you actually felt about it.
   At the end of the week, as I am heading out the door, to go to work, the phone rings. I stand at the doorway contemplating answering it, after about five or so rings I pick it up, seeing that after that it might be important." Hello, this is James speaking".
"James, its mom, I got some news".
"News?". I ask quite perplexed." What kind of news?".
  "Nothing bad James, just that we are having a kind of get together you know, not planned obviously. It just kinda happened, thought you might wanna come, see all the old friends and relatives. Plus, you don't exactly visit very often you know. You're so closed off".
  "Well when is this thing exactly?".
"Tomorrow, most will be here tomorrow morning, with a bunch coming throughout the day".
  "Cutting me a bit short aren't we, why didn't you tell me about this earlier?".
  "We are just finding out our self honey, if I could have told you I would have. Now wont you please! come, some people are pretty excited to see you again. And I would hate to disappoint our guests".
  "Okay mom, okay, I will be there. I can leave tomorrow morning and be there around ten. Is that okay?".
  "That's lovely honey, we will see you than".              Its hard to focus during work, as my mind   keeps on gravitating towards the one line my mom said, 'that some people are excited to see you' part. Cause if I know my mom, and I am pretty sure I do, she really meant someone, not some people. But who knows, I might be wrong, at least I hope so. By the next morning I am all packed and ready, ready to take the train down to the suburbs. Its about two hours away in a town called tallehan. Its not really a town per say, that makes it sound so cut off, its just a part of the suburbs they cut up and renamed. I leave fairly early in the morning, and the train is dead. The few people pile in as soon as the bell rings fighting for seats, even though there is plenty to go around. The problem has always been that everyone wants the same seats, and comes up with some excuse in there head on why they should have it. It's all very amusing to watch actually, people fighting pointlessly for things that as well are pointless. Doesn't seem like people fight for what is right anymore, whats best for the world, its mostly all me, me, me, Disappointing.
    The whole time on the train the scenery is mostly houses and schools and hardware stores, with a bunch of filler in between. Seeing the world this way really gives you some insight on the whole human condition, or at least what we turned it into. Its like we are going in circles, houses and buildings, followed by the same three or four fast joints repeating until infinity, or until we hit the dock of the bay. But every so often there is the light, the park with the kids playing baseball or something, the beautiful graffiti art that sits on the fringe of society, or just mother nature peaking through the man made crap that bitches and moans about the very nature they moved in on. Its lonely really, passing through life like this in fast forward. Makes you look inward and all the problems you have yourself, but I guess that's what makes people complain about others, to make themselves feel better. As i finally arrive at the train station, I full on expect to see the family standing outside waiting for me like a bad eighties movie. But as I stand there, with the now pouring rain(again like a bad eighties movie) I find that I am now on my own. It's not too far from here actually, which works out nicely I guess, for this certain predicament. Out front of the station a few taxicabs sit lazily, waiting for people to come to them."130th and 64th please". I tell the first cabbie I see, while hanging my head just outside the front passenger window." Yeah, no problem". I get in the back, soaked from the current weather, as I try to get myself into some semblance of order for when I knock on the door." So". Says the cabbie." You new here, or just visiting".
"Uh! Just visiting actually". I answer, as the question didn't make all to much sense." Family actually, some kind of reunion or something".
  "You don't seem so sure of that".
"Well that's because I just found out last night. A last minute thought I guess".
  "But a thought nonetheless though right".
"Yeah". I tell him." I guess". He drops me off at the corner, as i pay, and make my way up the street. The house meanwhile is about a block away, the rain is still coming down, but I prefer not to get dropped right in front of the house. Every time I do its a half hour discussion on how my mom needs to pay the taxi for some reason. That's a conversation I have heard plenty of times before, like a parrot, that keeps on repeating itself, sooner or later your bound to get tired of it." James!". My mom calls out as she opens the door." You made it, how wonderful". Every time I come over she says that, like I somehow got lost and did that whole incredible journey to find my way back." Yeah well, I have been here before mom".
  "Yeah, yeah, I know I know! I have got a surprise for you though, some one's been wanting to see you".
  "What do you mean, who could possibly be wanting to see me around here, if its uncle john again, its not much of a surprise mom. He does live like half hour away".
  "Oh, shhhh! Will you. Just come into the kitchen". We pass through the living room, with crowds of people( in which means about five in this house) all staring at the television like a cow that stands in the middle of some roadway, just watching all the cars that sit in wait. Inside the kitchen I have to stop myself, like I've been somehow frozen in spot. For the person standing in front of me now is someone I never believed I would ever see again." Marie". I pause, thinking that she might just be a mirage and eventually dissipate back into the ether." Marie, what are you doing here, I figured that...". She stops me, speaking out like a balloon that suddenly popped." I live here now, just a week ago actually. Your mom wanted to surprise you, I hope that's okay". She says." I hope that its okay that I'm here".
   We met in college, and didn't exactly hit it off at first, but after about a year or so we found each other face to face at some meat head party, and kind of hit off from there. I am not even sure how exactly I pulled it off. She wasn't how you would say, smitten with me. I guess I wore her down, or that's what she always jokingly told me, not much of a joke anymore though. We eventually got engaged, but that only ended up with her in bed with some other guy. Still don't know who it was, don't really care. It was than and there that I packed up and left for the city. I heard later on that she did the same, and never figured I would ever hear from her again, and not sure I wanted to either. As we stand there, awkwardly watching each other like a cat watching a mouse, my mom eventually chimes in." So, are you two thirsty? I got some Ginger ale in the fridge".
  "Thanks mom, but maybe later".
"Yeah, I guess you two have some catching up to do".
  "Something like that". I say." Something like that". Marie and I end up outside on the patio( covered of course) with the rain still coming down pelting the tin roof above our heads. Through the windows you can see the water soaked grass, and the swaying trees that look as if  they could dancing in the wind. The rain covers the glass windows giving the world an almost fractured, broken look to it, as if I could reach through and be transported to wonderland or something. The patio out here is cold, and fridge like, with only a red couch that slightly resembles that of corduroy. Almost opposite is a slightly less quirky green chair that looks to be a fossil compared to the new styles of lazy boys. Marie and I both sit on the couch, with ample space between us. As the cushions give no semblance of warmth from the elements." So, James". She says." I guess your curious on why I came back?".
  "Slightly". I answer." Slightly, so.. why are you here Marie?".
  "I'm sorry James, but I needed to see you, and I know how hard this must be for you, its hard for me to James, trust me".
  "Trust you! You ran off with another guy, Marie. Do you understand that, and we were engaged for Christ sakes, engaged Marie".
  "I know James, I know. I was wrong, really wrong. And there is not enough I can ever do to make it up to you".
  "That's right Marie, there's not!".
"But James". She says." That does not mean I am unwilling to try".
  "What are you saying Marie". I pause." Are you saying you want to get back together?". This is the last thing I ever expected, but I have known her a long time, and the look on her face tells me she is not lying. An as we sit there, in silence, I can see my mom in the kitchen, trying to control the herd, as more and more people make there way in. Like a sheep dog, herding the cattle, she tries her damnedest to not let them through the sliding glass door, where me and Marie now sit." What are! you saying Marie, you can't be serious about this?".
  "I am James, I realize now I that I threw out the best thing that happened to me, you
James, you!".
   "This is a little much to take right now Marie, a little much, don't you think?".
  "You don't have to answer James, not right now. And I know I am asking a lot of you. But". She tells me." Could you at least think about it?". I sigh, while mulling things over in my head, and say." Fine Marie, I will do that much".
  "Thanks James, I know I don't deserve it, so thank you".  Inside, I find the kitchen about to hit critical mass, as the crowds of people scratch at the door like a cat trying to get out one more time before bed. Marie and I walk in, with the oncoming bellows of each person greeting us as if for the first time. After the noise finally dies down, my uncle Jonathan is the first to chime in." James! Marie! Nice to see you two together again, its been sometime". My uncle Jonathan lives about an hour away in Mission, he is not really an uncle per say, but he has been with us long enough to be anointed as one." So?". A voice calls out, as if from the walls." What were you two talking about?". Scanning the room to see who it might be, I see a short unfettered woman in the back sitting down on the kitchen chairs. Its my aunt Sylvia, she is from the city, just outside of it actually." Nothing Auntie, nothing". I tell her." Just catching up". Most of my aunts and uncles have no idea why Marie and I broke up, we didn't want to go through the hassle of doing so, so we basically just told them it didn't work out, it would be just too difficult, to many questions and phone calls and what have you. So hearing from them all on how we should get back together is a bit strange. In which most of our conversations usually end up towards. We all find ourselves sooner or later in the living room yelling at the television over sports, its at this point a few hours into the day that I pull my mom aside to ask her a few questions." Why exactly?". I tell her." Did you bring Marie here. What purpose could she be filling?".
  "She is not filling any purpose hunny, she wanted to be here, that's all".
  "You didn't have to agree".
"I know James, I know. I just really think she is sorry for what she has done. I really do believe that she wants to make amends".
  "Maybe!". I say." Maybe, I am just not sure if I really want to see her right now".
  "No one said this would be easy James, but I think its something that should be done, to get rid of the past, so you can finally enjoy the future". Its at this moment that I see Marie standing at the doorway, with a smile adorning her face. I am not sure how long she has been standing there, but I am not willing to find out." James". She says." There is a call for you, a Josie".
  "OK, yeah..  I will be right their". What could Josie of all people want that she would call me here. I can only think that it must be some emergency of some kind." Hello? Josie". I ask, speaking into the receiver." James, I am glad I caught ya".
  "Why". I ask." What's going on".
"Its Jane, she's back, and apparently she is looking for you".
  "Looking for me, what do you mean looking for me. What does she want?".
  "What the hell do you think she wants James, she wants you back, obviously".
  "Seriously? Did she actually tell you that".
"No, actually, she did not. But I can see it, have seen it before James. In her eyes, so James". She continues." Expect to get a call of some sort".
  "Goddamn it". I exasperate." Couldn't get any worse could it".
  "What do you mean, what's going on down there". I look around the room, to make sure no one might be listening in, and tell her." Do you remember Marie, Josie?".
  "Yeah, you told me all about her sometime ago, why?".
  "Well she's here, and apparently wants to work things out, you know".
  "You're not serious, are you. After what she put you through".
  "Yeah, completely apparently. She told me herself".
  "Well". She says." What are you gonna do?".
"I don't know, I really don't know".
  "Well I am sorry to cut you off James, but I got to go to work. But, coming from a friend, remember what Marie did to you James, is that really something you want to go through again. Just..". She pauses." Just tread lightly okay, and tell me all about it when you get back".
  "Okay Josie, will do! Have a good day okay, and thanks, for everything you know".
  "Yeah James, no problem".  I sit down on the bed, as I  have made my way into the extra bedroom for a bit of privacy.
   So Jane is back, she didn't really take that long. An I got to say, as easy as this decision seems to be, I still have some pent up feelings for Marie. A part of me wants her back as well. I am just not sure if this is such a good scenario in real life as it is in my head. And as I sit here, lost in thought, I fail to hear the knocks from the door. Only to finally awake from the creaks of the hinges as they struggle to open, like a lost tomb that hasn't been opened in centuries." James". She asks." Is everything okay?". I look at her, standing over me with the bedroom light giving her a almost halo effect. I know I should tell her, but I am hoping I can pass on this whole situation by leaving tomorrow morning." Its fine, thanks". Marie, now sitting beside me, sits their for about a minute or two, as we both stare off into the distant wall that stands ten feet in front of us." James". She says once more." I know you have no reason to trust me, but if you ever need to talk, I am here to listen". As she says this, I can begin to feel her unrelenting hand crawl up my thigh like its invading a country. An I want to say something, or move it out of the way in some fashion, but I just sit their, paralyzed, as it gets ever closer to its destination at every pass. It feels as if its been so long since I felt the touch of another human, as me and Jane weren't exactly frequent flyer's." Marie". I finally whisper." This can't happen".
  "Come on James, why not? Remember all the good times we had, all the fun". As she says this, her hand is on the cusp of no return, as she slowly teases, getting ever closer just to take it back when me and her are on the verge of meeting." James!". My mom bursts out as she flies through the door as if passing right through it." Mom, hey!". I quietly spurt out, like a torrent of rain that catches you off guard. And Marie's hand retracts back to her side, as she blushes, and finds it hard to look my mom in the eyes." I was just coming right out, weren't we Marie?". She nods, as my mom gives that look as if she knows what's happening, but does not know what's going on." Well". She says, with overtones of confusion." You have a phone call, its Jane hunny". As my mom says this, I can feel the burning eyes of Marie boring a hole in me as we speak."Jane? Who the hell is this Jane person exactly".
  "She is my girlfriend, my ex girlfriend actually. She left me a few days ago for reasons I still don't quite understand".
  "I wonder what she wants! than".
"I don't know, I guess I should go find out than".
  Outside in the rest of the house, the family is still yelling at the television, with a few scattered throughout the corners of the place screaming at each other. A lot of what I remember growing up was this pretty much exactly. It was never meant to be mean or anything, its just for some reason or another that is how this family expresses ourselves. I remember the first time I brought Jane over, she was so taken back at it, like two eagles fighting over the same fish, she just thought they were going to strangle each other or something. Maybe that is why she left me, my supposed predisposition towards bouts of yelling for no apparent reason. I always held myself back from that, and think I did a damn good job as well. Although we do not always know what we are doing until someone comes along and wakes us up. The one thing I have learned about society is that not everyone is as self aware as they like to think. That is not a slap to the face or anything, it is just how things go sometimes.
   "Jane?". I ask, holding the receiver up as my hands unmistakably tremble( but for reasons unknown)." James! I caught you". She says, almost in a panic." I think we really news to talk".
  "I am not sure there is anything to talk about Jane".
  "James, please! Don't be like that. I made a mistake okay, I panicked".
  "You panicked! You walked out hardly saying a word. I still have no idea what happened. And than what! A few days later you come waltzing back like nothing".
  "I am sorry James, but I was scared".
"Everyone gets scared Jane, but you could have talked to me you know".
  "I know James, I know. But I do have one question for you".
  "Yeah". I say." What's that".
"Is Marie really there with you right now".
  "Yeah actually, she is. Who told you?".
"I hear things James, I hear things. What does she want exactly, what is she doing". I look around once more, in case there are any prying eyes that are listening in." Me! I think, that's what I am getting from her anyway".
  "You!". She repeats." Why would you say that?".
  "Well, since not too long before her hand raced up my thigh like a train late for the station, I would have to say just a educated guess".
   "James!". Come a voice from across the room." Is everything alright".
  "Yeah Marie, every things fine, thanks. I will be right out". I can hear the slight rumblings of tears coming from over the phone. As Jane seems to be teetering over the cliff of a total breakdown. I have heard her cry before, but this time, it sounds different." Please James, please don't let this get between us".
  "Its okay, I don't think you have anything to worry about. We will talk when I get back, okay?".
  "Okay James". I hang up the phone, and can still hear Marie outside with my mom talking about odds and ends, or whatever they talk about, it just sounds like someone has muffled there voices in some way. I sit there for a second mulling over what was said on the phone. Its an easy decision, it is, but that part of me have always wanted things to work out between Marie an I, sounds crazy, doesn't it.  I have never really found myself in a situation like this, I have never been the man the girls wanted. I guess there is a first for everything.
  "Is everything alright hunny". My mom asks." Yeah, everything is fine".
  "What did she want anyways". Says Marie.
"Oh nothing, nothing at all". The rest of the day is spent with the family, outside the rain finally gives up just before dark, but we go out anyways. Most of it now is drinking and singing. Whenever we get together the guitars magically come out, as if popping into existence. An the drunker people get, the worse the singing becomes. At around midnight the people finally begin to disperse, and its a lot of hand shaking and telling me how I need to come around more often. Oddly though, for the last part of the night Marie pretty much stayed away, only passing me by like fits of rain, while travelling through the mountains in the spring. At this point I am pretty drunk, not debilitating so, but enough that I tend to walk as if the floor is slanted. As I may have mentioned before, the house is not at all that big, so the extra bedroom is all we have. My mom doesn't have a bed per say in there, just those makeshift blow up ones you buy at the local Canadian tire. I have slept on it before, and I must say, its pretty big, easily enough room for at least three people. An as I get ready and make my way under the covers, I can still hear my mom outside, creaking around trying to be quiet. It's about than that Marie walks in, stumbling in the darkness, with a nice mixture of alcohol mixed in." Marie". I whisper." Your still here. I thought my mom said you left?".
  "I was going, but she talked me into staying, didn't want me driving in my apparent condition. You know her, there's no arguing". Marie turns on the lights as she walks in, its one of those dimmer switches so its on just enough that I can basically see a silhouette.  As I lay in the bed, mostly covered by the heavy sheets, Marie begins to undress in front of me, slowly almost seductive like. I look away, pretending to be sleeping on my side, but in actual fact one eye is still upon her. Have you ever witnessed a car crash, and even though you know full well you shouldn't be looking(what with all the driving and all) but you can't help but watch the mangled mess unfold. Its kind of like that, peppered with the fact I haven't seen such a beautiful creature like this in some time, Jane included. Marie, now fully undressed, wears only a over sized shirt with soccer style short that hugs her hips as if for dear life. Her legs look as if they're crafted in marble, as the little light that falls through the window perfectly contours her whole body. I haven't seen her like this in quite sometime, I forgot just how beautiful she really is. As I look away(but with barely one eye on her) I feel the covers suddenly shift as she crawls in. The warmth from her body emanates on my skin twofold, as she is (and always was) a walking furnace. I can feel her feet graze mine as she shuffles about trying to get comfortable, and its not as weird as I thought it might be, perhaps its the familiarity between us. Perhaps its the current feeling that she is just going to sleep, in which she currently is doing.
   As we lay there, I can feel my eyes make there way shut, and as I get into the half asleep dream state, I begin to feel a foreign object wrap itself around my torso, like a snake trying to suffocate it's prey. It takes me some time to finally realize that its Marie, as I feel her body shift towards mine, huddling up as if trying to get warm from the elements. Marie's hand now wanders over my chest like its searching for something, and not too soon after the moist sweetness of her lips at once find my neck. I turn on my back, to see better, but she creeps slightly over me with her hand dropping down below the covers like the temperature on a cold windy night. Its at this point, when first realizing what is going to transpire, that I have always told myself I would turn back, that I wouldn't go past and do certain things that I know I would regret later. I find time almost stopping as I think of this, and Jane sitting at home worrying about what could potentially happen. But for some reason my brain wont send this message to my body parts. Its a weird thing to say, as its almost unbelievable, but here I am, joining in on the festivities so to say. As me and Marie now lay in bed, facing each other beneath the sheets, her lips creep ever closer to mine. While my hands fall down the smalls of her back barely grazing below her shorts as she arches her back as if in anticipation. She is now in full control, straddling my body like I might try to get away, and this is when she decides to pull her shirt over her head as it brushes up against her breasts as they almost explode out as if in laughter.
   The next morning though, I awake to an empty bed, and an even emptier memory, as I struggle to remember if what happened last night was a dream or not. I was pretty drunk, so all the details of the reality of it is fairly fuzzy, at best. My mom is already awake and making breakfast, eggs and waffles with a side of Bacon. She always was the early riser in the house, usually getting a full days worth of stuff done before anyone else even gets up." Hey mom, did you see Marie this morning?".
  "Yeah! She left sometime ago".
"Well, did she say anything?".
  "What would she say hunny".
"I don't know, did she say anything about me, or anything at all".
  "Yes, actually. She said to tell you thanks for everything, and that she's sorry for her sudden disappearance this morning, or something in that order. Why are you so interested in her all of a sudden".
  "Oh! Its nothing mom, I was just curious,that's all". That morning I take the train back home, with the rain still coming down, a fitting end to an event that seemed so dreamlike. I am still not sure if that one night between me and Marie ever happened, I don't know if I ever will, but I guess it's no matter. Maybe certain things are best left unknown.

Giving bad analogies, to people you barely know.

"So?".
I ask, can you
Explain this to me
Exactly".

"Well". He says, putting
His elbows on the table, only
To raise his hands
Up high, as if directing
Traffic.

"Its like a fish, or a
Salmon( to be specific), that spends most of
Its life swimming in circles,
In the vast (and barely)
Empty spaces
Of the
Oceans.

To finally
Get that chance, the chance to swim
Once more up
Stream

(From whence it came)

Only to find,
That it doesn't 
Get to swim
Back down".

"How exactly, is
That anything like this
Situation, I am
Currently finding myself in?".

(As we sit
Their, the crowds of
People are emanating a white noise,
Canceling each other
Out as they attempt to speak
Over one another.)

"This girl". He speaks up.
"She is kind of like your stream,  no
Matter what happens,
You keep on ending up
With her.

No matter what you
May do in the outside world,
You always end up in
The same place at the end.
And no
Matter how much you
May struggle
Otherwise,

That stream,
This girl,

Is where you should
Eventually end up".

"And?".
I say."how about the not swimming
Back down
Part?".

"Well!". He tells me.
"That part,
That part is up to you".

Somehow screaming obscenities at yourself

You know,
I am not crazy, I have
read all those books before, when
I was a kid".

"I know, I know". he
Repeats." I do realize how this
must sound. If I
Was in your position,
I would be thinking the same thing".
He says, while sitting their,
Twirling his fork
Around the table, like
A six year old would do when he's
Bored.

"But I am telling the truth, no matter
How crazy it might be".

"OK!".
I call out.
"Say this is all true, how exactly is
This possible. Don't
You think I would..".

I pause,
Trying to make sense of the whole
Situation.
(like  two streams, that intertwine to
make a swirling vortex of opposing ideas)

"Remember something, anything?".

"Listen". He begins.
"This is fairly new to us,
We have never had it happen before.
Something about the
universe,     trying to amend
the current timeline,

before to much damage is done.

We don't really know a
Whole lot right
Now, we
Have people working
On it, but its slow moving (he pauses)
   As you can see".

Have you ever
Had that feeling,
   The feeling

Where you know
That something is
So crazy, but you can't help
But somehow believe its true.

Like those people
That (no matter what)
Believe beyond a shadow that
They were once Napoleon(or some random
Figure) in their past lives.

   "So...".
I finally begin.
Say that is all true, and
Somehow I got entwined in this
Time, how do you
Even know that I can even go back".

I sigh, as if I am
Standing outside of my body,
Screaming at myself to
Run, run fast.
    (And run far.)

"We don't". He
Tells me." That's just
It, we don't".
"Than how exactly do you
Expect me to go along with this".

"That's just a chance you have
To take". He tells me, as he sits there
In silence, thinking
About the next thing
He should
Say.

As if he is not sure if he should
Bring it up or not.

"But remember, you can always". He stops." You
Can always come back....
    If need be".

Like a fish in a small pond, not realizing what lies just above the waters..

#1
I sit quietly,
While the monsters rise, when I'm
Alone in my room.
#2
The cat sits outside
Watching the rain fall down, quite
Disappointedly.
#3
Life Is difficult
And it just gets even worse
The older you get
#4
Dogs hate vacuuming
the cat hides beneath tables
Animals make life
#5
Sundays are a waste
Mondays are a lot better
Rather be alone
#6
Why are you talking
When all I want is silence
Quiet is maddening
#7
The now rising sun
continually spills out
upon my homeland
#8
Loneliness is a
continual shift of a
maddenly short life

Like being in the middle of the ocean for days, with nothing but dark clouds and stormy weather, while suddenly one morning, the skies open up, releasing the heavenly beauty that is the sun.

  I can hear her across the hall, speaking in muffled tones, leaving at all times of day with other disembodied voices acting as alternate personalities of the same body. I have never really seen her with anyone else, but the voices stick to her nonetheless. She lives in a apartment building on the third floor, just across from me. The place looks as if its been taken straight outta the 60's, with green wallpaper with whites lines racing throughout as if on acid, an nowhere to go. The more you look at them the less they seem to make sense, like one of those illusions that has the stairs always going up, even if it is a impossibility. But back to the woman next door. I have always been one of the shy ones, always wanting something to happen but too scared to go out an do anything about it myself. So instead she sits there, behind the proverbial glass walls like some museum piece. She has knocked on my door a few times though, mostly to borrow some random kitchen utensil, or some ingredient she forgot to buy from the grocer down the road. She has a somewhat unconventional beauty to her, not too be rude, I am just saying that she does not look like those factory sealed models that are indistinguishable from each other. The ones that dawn each and every magazine or commercial that even remotely has anything to do with the male side of the genome. I see her on the street sometimes on her way too or from her apartment, with her blond hair a beautiful mess, that partially covers the glasses that she dawns so perfectly. She always has on some flowered dress that would seem more appropriate back in the fifties. An as she walks by, off in her own little world, I wave to her each an every time. But she normally just looks on in confusion, or not at all. I have gotten myself to go across the hall a few times to ask her to lunch or dinner or something, but every time I freeze and end up asking some stupid strange question that makes me look even worse. Its odd though how she doesn't recognize me when our paths happen to somewhat meet on the outside, as if she blanks me out after every encounter we might have.
  I can now suddenly hear quite the commotion coming from outside my door, sounding as if its a screaming match between two disgruntled people. I take a quick peak outside acting like a concerned citizen( or a peeking Tom) and find her standing there staring off down the empty hallway." Is everything okay?". I ask somewhat whispering(even though I am not sure why). She looks over, sobbing, and wipes the tears from her eyes the best she can, although it just works to smear her mascara. Is it bad though, that now I find her even more beautiful than i usually do. Maybe its just the close proximity, or her most vulnerable state. Or maybe I just see myself as some Knight in shining armor riding off towards the castle to save the damsel in distress." Yeah, I will be fine". She tells me." Its Beth, by the way".
  "Yeah, we have met before". At that we pause, standing in the hallway staring at each other wondering where to go next." Did you want to come in, have some coffee or something?". I can see the gears working as she mulls this over, as she is not yet certain if she wants to go along with this ride( but I don't blame her)." You are allowed to say no, I was just thinking you wanted someone to talk to". I pause, think over what I said, and continue." Or something". She smiles, one of those smiles that can crack mountains, like being in the middle of the ocean for days, with nothing but dark clouds and stormy weather, while suddenly one morning, the skies open up, releasing the heavenly beauty that is the sun. As I ask her to come in I instantly regret it, I have been in love with this woman for so long I don't think I can handle the rejection. Maybe this needs to be taken slow, friends first, showing her how good I can be, no matter what. Be the man that every woman wants( except for all the muscles and Brad Pitt good looks of course)." Yeah, that would be nice".  She utters, in a almost shy voice. Inside she sits down on the couch while I make some tea in the kitchen, which I am actually quite surprised that I even have, seeing that I am more of a coffee man myself. Beth sits their on the couch with her nerves all out in the open. She looks as if she is in some foreign hostile country, and just looking for ways of escape." Thanks". She tells me, as I put down the tea on the table in front of her." So". I ask, not quite sure where to go from here." Is everything okay, need anything else?".  She looks up, with her eyes still misty from before." No, I'm good, I'm good". She replies ending in a whisper." You know". She continues, after a few moments of silence." It wasn't always like this, me and him. When we first met it was like nothing before, he was sweet, funny and caring. But now". She stops, to try to catch her tears before they fall." But now, I don't know, he is like a totally different person. He argues constantly, always wants to know where I am. That is how this all started you know". She says looking up at me for the first time in a bit. As I finally just now sit down beside her, trying as I might to console." I hope I am not out of line saying this, an I know its easier said than done. But it sounds like your better off without him. Your a beautiful, smart, amazing woman". I stop, as if to catch my breath." I'm sorry, I am not very good at this kind of thing".
  "No! its fine, thanks. I appreciate it". Silence, now surrounds us, until about a minute later I call out as if it exploded out of me.  "How about we get out of here, take a break. There is this little place just around the corner that makes amazing pastries, cakes, you name it. How about it, I'll treat". You can tell she was taken aback by this, an with the sudden look on her face I at once regret what I just said." Yeah". She says back." That would be nice. Just let me get a little cleaned up first". Wiping the already dried tears from her eyes, she walks towards the door, as I am left on the couch not sure if I should follow." Come on". She calls, with what appears to be the first smile I seen since seeing her outside in the hall." There is no reason to be shy".
   Her apartment is amazingly neat, as if everything she owns was built specifically for the spot it's in." I will be right back". She tells me." Make yourself at home". Disappearing in the back hallways I sit on the couch watching the city outside the window. Birds every now and than fly by with people in other buildings going about their daily life. It's weird seeing the world from this viewpoint, seeming as if we could be in some city in the sky. It appears almost empty, with only a few buildings jutting up from the ground. I can hear her in the back getting ready, as i have never been in her place before, just at the door looking in. I can start to see kind of why her relationship went sour, she seems to be very trusting, we( according to her anyway) just met and already she invites me in to her apartment so readily, or maybe I am just reading to much into it( which I do happen to do quite easily). Not too long later out she walks, with these short Jean shorts and a white blouse type thing with what appears to be small purple flowers of some kind." What do you think?". Se calls out." Its not too". She pauses for half a second somewhat turning as if to pose like some kind of model." Inappropriate?".
"No, no. Of course not. Whatever makes you happy right".
"Well". She begins." I figured if we are going to go out, I might as well try to enjoy myself, for once anyway".            
   Outside the sun is out, and the mirages of ones imagination run amok throughout the pavement. The place is not too far, and the people are out in droves, sweating profusely while complaining about it simultaneously. When we get there the place is fairly empty, with seats to the left and right of us and a makeshift path straight through, like Moses parting the red sea. We take a seat in the front by the window after ordering our desired desserts, me a chocolate truffle cake her a half dozen cupcakes with pink frosting." Have you always lived next to me?" She asks, keeping her voice down, as if people are listening in from other tables." Not always". I reply." But I did move in a few years ago". Putting her cupcake down, staring at me looking like she is in quite the mode of concentration." I find it hard to believe that I went all this time without noticing you".
"Well". I say." I do have a tendency to do that".
"To do what?". She asks." You know? Blend in, into the background. I guess I just have a forgetful face". She smiles at this, and takes another bite from her cupcakes. I catch myself staring at her, every now and again. The weird thing is though is that she doesn't seem to mind, just looking up every once and a while with that partially goofy grin she tends to get when in a apparently good mood. After we're done eating we find ourselves back outside, with me taking the lead thinking that we are heading back home, but just before she stops me." Lets not go home". She says." At least not yet".
"Oh". I spit out, as if in second nature." Do you have anything in mind".
"Well I know this is a Tad odd". She begins." Since we just technically met, but I thought maybe a walk in the park would be a nice way to end the day".
"Yeah, that sounds wonderful". I tell her.        The park is not too far from here, as downtown has Parks a plenty. The one we end up going to is basically a makeshift forest with pathways throughout like the veins of a over muscular body builder. Every so often as if from nowhere an open field will show up. Every time I go it seems as if those fields in question move around like some kind of freakish haunted forest. Though the place is beautiful this time of day, with the trails covered over in shade with only barely a peak of sunshine coming through the canopy. Most of the time we spend is in silence, just enjoying the scenes of nature. We spend so much time in the hustle an bustle of the downtown core that it is nice to get out to the sounds of mother nature. I always feel As if I am getting some system reboot, a chance to clean out all the junk you pick up in the midst of a overrun and polluted city. At the end of it all, and still not saying a word, we find ourselves back once more at our apartments." Thanks!". She says." That was exactly what I needed. Sorry I didn't talk all that much, but I have so much on my mind you know".
  "Yeah, no problem". I tell her." Anytime you need anything, I am right across the hall". She stays silent at this, instead communicating through a quite unexpected hug. I can feel the warmth of her body against mine, and I can't help think how right this feels. As if getting us together is filling some kind of prophesy, or destiny, like we were meant to be together, two lost puzzle pieces that just so happen to fit side by side.
   The rest of the day is spent holed up in my apartment, somewhat watching for the door as if for some reason she will run in wanting to see me. I try to get my mind onto some other task to forget about this, but to no avail, as one eye is always on the look out. It's hard to pay attention to anything you might be doing when one ear is attempting to do its own thing. Especially when your eyes are following right behind. Have you ever had that feeling that you might be losing control of your own body, that you end up doing things that you end up questioning afterwards, wondering why you did them in the first place. Its a strange feeling, almost as you are floating on a thin blanket of fog, an no matter how much you may fight, you cannot stop yourself( an sometimes, you don't want to).Throughout the rest of the day all is quiet, which actually is a bit odd, figuring I do live in a apartment. Buts its not just that, usually I can hear some type of sound coming from her place, be it music, TV, or just her uncanny ability to for some reason slam the door without even trying. I wanna go over and knock, see if all is alright, but one day ( about a hour or two really) of hanging out when she was at one of her(apparently) low points, doesn't really signify that I am a big enough presence in her life to do so( but again, I am probably just over thinking it). Don't get me wrong, its not like I have a glass to her walls or anything, but my ears do tune into her station more than my own. The whole week goes much the same way, an by the middle I stop trying. Going back to my normal routine finds to be a little bit of a challenge, after being with her that one day it has given me the first real breath of what a relationship may somewhat be like, as I have never had one myself. At least not a real one anyways. I have had a few one nighters, but for one reason or another could never get to the long term. I haven't even been on a date in quite some time, not that I have really tried all that much as of late.
    About a week later though I hear the distinctive hum of her ever creaking door, like a song you hear on the radio you know all too well. I wanna run out, give her a hug, and maybe console her, but that would more than likely just scare her off. Which is the opposite of what I am trying to do. I have thought of why I feel so attached to her though( in which I do feel) and other than the usual stuff i am at odds to figure out why. Maybe in some part of my mind I believe its the easiest route to take. I mean, why not try to court someone I already met, would be easier than going out and meeting some stranger. But there is just something about her, that I can't readily seem to be able to put my finger on, she just has that ability to drive men ( at least me anyhow) crazy. Like some tractor beam I can't seem to try to struggle my way out of.  I do know one thing though, she is beautiful, like a gem, that just needs a little dusting off to see the real beauty below, its just a shame that people can't see it below the layer of proverbial dirt.
   The next day from when she arrived, I hear a knock upon my door. I immediately twitch in excitement, as a few hours before I heard a few whispers of two people talking, only to be followed by the slamming of some door. On the other side of it I find her, once more, with newly acquired tears that unfortunately seem to frolic down her face. Its strange, she seems to be in distress, but looks to be somewhat partially happy." Come in, please, come in?". I repeat in a nervous tone. She takes a seat on the couch in silence, wiping the tears from her eyes as if to get herself to a presentable manner." I'm sorry to always come over like this, but you were just so helpful the other day".
  "Its fine". I tell her." I am always here with whatever you need, no matter".  The rain outside is fallen, like the proverbial heroes of old, and its doing so so heavily it seems as if it might flood the city. I bring her a cup of tea, just the way she likes it, she stirs the cup around a bit making the liquid end up in a vortex of sorts, as she stares at it watching what it might do." You remembered". She suddenly calls out, as if finally gasping for air." Well, how could I forget". I pause." You're the only one who drinks tea around here".
  "Not to mention the only person that comes over?".
  "Is that I joke". I say." Coming from you, well that's hard to imagine". She laughs, a very infectious laugh at that. Maybe the first one I have really heard coming from her. As we sit on the couch, side by side, with our legs dangerously close to touching, I feel as if I should ask her about what happened, if anything happened at all. Seeing that I didn't actually see anything, I full on realize that I might be wrong. But I hold back, as I do not want to seem as I am forcing myself upon her, it would possibly just scare her off. When she is ready to talk, she will." Do you mind if we watch some t.v". She suddenly blurts out in a strangely calm voice, as if she is at once okay where her path now leads." Yeah".I say." Be my guest".